# Stay at home dad. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 8, 2016, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stay-at-home-dad/765377 "2016-09-08T23:23:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2016, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stay-at-home-dad/765377/21 "2016-09-09T18:41:04Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > …many women claim that they want but few really do. > …most women still see the home and child-raising as their domain… > …a lot of women have a ‘what’s yours is mine’ and ‘what’s mine is mine’ attitude… > [@Eonwe](#): > > Change every instance of “most women” to “women I’ve chosen to partner with”, and you’ve got an interesting story there. No kidding! :eek: **Shagnasty** I am surprised to hear this coming from you. Maybe I’ve just missed these types of posts from you in the past. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2016, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stay-at-home-dad/765377/22 "2016-09-09T18:49:39Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > No kidding! :eek: **Shagnasty** I am surprised to hear this coming from you. Maybe I’ve just missed these types of posts from you in the past. Yes, you must have. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2016, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stay-at-home-dad/765377/23 "2016-09-09T21:02:17Z")
I was a half-time SAHD until both our kids were in kindergarten. My wife and I shared one librarian job. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2016, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stay-at-home-dad/765377/24 "2016-09-09T21:37:23Z")
I work from home, and have been a stay-at-home dad for the last fifteen years. Having little kids in the background can certainly be disruptive, but it’s also fantastic comic relief. My wife is home full-time also, so I don’t know if I’m the type whose opinions you’re really looking for. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2016, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stay-at-home-dad/765377/25 "2016-09-09T22:17:18Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > No kidding! :eek: **Shagnasty** I am surprised to hear this coming from you. Maybe I’ve just missed these types of posts from you in the past. I guess you’ve never read any of his posts then. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2016, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stay-at-home-dad/765377/26 "2016-09-10T02:57:31Z")
I wasnt a strictly SAHD because I worked but my job was at night while my wife worked days so I took the kids out alot during the day. Thing is when your with the kids out in public Dad’s are pretty rare and Mom’s arent very friendly towards us. Now while some Mom’s are frindly often they wonder if we are some sort of loser or even worse, some kind of creep. We are not always welcome (or at least barely accepted) at playgrounds or kids play groups. Dont expect to be included in discussions and their is no way I as a Dad could ask a Mom to a play date. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2016, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stay-at-home-dad/765377/27 "2016-09-10T04:59:36Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > No kidding! :eek: **Shagnasty** I am surprised to hear this coming from you. Maybe I’ve just missed these types of posts from you in the past. Hey, what’s a little casual sexism among friends? I know one SAHD, he’s awesome at it, and **Sr. Weasel** and I admire him enough to name our son after him, if we should have one. He’s basically been taken for granted just like a housewife often is, and devalues his contribution just like a housewife often does (almost like 1950s level bad, though.) But that is more relevant to the dissolution of his marriage than his ability to parent effectively. He is an amazing father. Now that he is getting divorced (oops! His wife of 10 years just figured out she’s gay!) he’s feeling very insecure about the prospect of building a career. But that’s basically little more than a reversal of the standard gender roles, and in no way based on a truly egalitarian relationship. Plenty of divorcing SAHMs find themselves in the same situation. As for **Sr. Weasel** and I, I think we truly want to share child-rearing duties as equally as possible. We are privileged enough to do it – I currently work part-time in a job that pays pretty well, and manage the household (housework, finances, home repair, everything) while he works full time, and this seems to work great for us because he doesn’t have to stress about household stuff when he comes home, and I have time for fiction writing. But his schedule is flexible enough that he’s managed to finagle Tuesdays off, and he intends to finagle more time off, on a regular basis, when we have a kid. We are comfortable enough on his income (and living pretty modestly given our net income) that he doesn’t necessarily _have_ to work full time. So what I’m seeing is me working in the office two days a week, one day a week at home, and at least on Tuesdays he’ll manage the kids so I can take a fiction writing day, plus maybe he’ll have another day off for a family day (and work every other Saturday.) At least one day a week our child will probably be in the care of Grandpa. It seems like an equitable and ideal situation all around, and I know we are lucky to have that luxury. Does it affect my view of him? No. This is the man I chose to marry, he told me up front 14 years ago that he wanted to be more than just a weekend Dad, he told me he wanted a truly egalitarian relationship, and he has always worked to make that happen, even when it meant calling me out on my own BS when I wasn’t contributing enough. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want the financial burden to be entirely on him, nor does he want the child-rearing burden to be entirely on me. He is a rare and precious thing. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2016, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stay-at-home-dad/765377/28 "2016-09-10T10:20:24Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > The only way in which I feel gender has played a role is that when I am home I feel like our son is my job in a way that I don’t think I would if I were a man. As soon as I walk in the door, I feel like the onus is on me to feed/entertain/manage our child, and he’s allowed to catch a break and play video games. This makes for very long days when I leave for work at 6:00 and come home over 12 hours later. And while it’s really me that has this idea, he’s pretty willing to let me. We work on it, and it’s gotten better, especially as our son had grown. To me this is incredibly telling. I was never the SAHD, but as a freelance cameraman I had \*plenty]/i] of whole days off. Instead of taking the kids to day care, they were with me from the moment they got up. I know there were lots of days when I was eager to tend something in the workshop or just have a quiet break so when their Mom came home yeah, I would hope for some respite. But since she taught piano lessons most days after coming home from teaching music in an elementary school all day, HER work day really didn’t end till dinner time. It worked. Not the marriage, but the parenting part. :smack: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stay-at-home-dad/765377.md?page=1)