# STDs and the obligation to disclose status prior to sex. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 17, 2011, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085 "2011-03-17T23:37:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gestalt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/90ced4/32.png) [@Gestalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gestalt)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/21 "2011-03-18T01:27:03Z")
Okay fine, I’ll admit it: I’ve had a number of sexual partners, have always used a condom except a very few times and all of those were in LTRs, and have never been tested. I’ve always been asymptomatic. Frankly, yes, I may very well be seropositive for HSV-2 and am almost certainly seropositive for any number of strains of HPV. And so are many of my partners, I’m sure. Honestly, it’s never come up, and if someone asked me, I’d tell them I’ve never been tested but that I’d also never had symptoms. I’ve also never asked someone else. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/22 "2011-03-18T01:59:48Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > You’re saying that those people who have said “you have to always disclose” haven’t always done so, making us…liars? Hypocrites? Wow. Kinda sensitive, there, Sarah. Read it again. I was speculating in a very general way, and explicitly including, actually focusing on people who have _not yet_ answered, but _may yet_ do so. And even if I were talking only about the grand total of 8 people that had already answered, I was still _speculating_,(which would be something a bit different than _accusing_) and I said “some”, which means fewer than “all” and certainly leaves room for me to _not_ be talking about YOU, particularly if you know that you personally have always acted in alignment with your beliefs.\* So may I suggest you iron out your panties? ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/23 "2011-03-18T02:11:13Z")
My panties aren’t bunched, I just think it was a weird comment. I mean, is that the point of this thread? ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/24 "2011-03-18T02:31:20Z")
I said all, but the only problem is there is no HPV test for men. (Unless there’s a very recent change I haven’t heard about) ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/25 "2011-03-18T03:07:12Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > My panties aren’t bunched, I just think it was a weird comment. I mean, is that the point of this thread? Is what the point? To point fingers at people and accuse them of being liars and hypocrites? Do people post threads like that generally? The “point” is curiosity. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/26 "2011-03-18T03:57:04Z")
Seems to me a much more relevant question is not if but WHEN you tell a partner about your std. First date? Before kissing? Heavy petting? When they are on their way “down”? While putting the condom on? ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/27 "2011-03-18T07:12:49Z")
I think this might be a first- to have a poll so carefully crafted to allow for nuances, and then have everyone answer in exactly the same black & white way. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/28 "2011-03-18T11:49:32Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > I think this might be a first- to have a poll so carefully crafted to allow for nuances, and then have everyone answer in exactly the same black & white way. That’s because the correct moral ground is incredibly obvious. You don’t get to choose what risks another person takes. It’s like saying, if I hand someone a gun, and there’s only ONE bullet, do I have to tell him when he points it as his head? What if I’m _pretty sure_ its not in the next chamber? ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/29 "2011-03-18T12:22:19Z")
> [@Gestalt](#): > > I agree that if you’ve been tested positive for something that isn’t curable (as none of the above are), you should tell. BTW, while HIV and herpes testing are usually offered during annual gynecological examinations (and I guess yearly physicals for men), and HIV is also offered through anonymous/confidential testing… Testing for HPV is more difficult. Certainly, Pap smears can tell if there is something abnormal… but those care about the cervix, which is up inside, out of sight. And an abnormal Pap is not an automatic “has HPV NOW”. It may well be “had HPV at some point, the virus cleared, but left behind wonky cells”. Some clinics would test for HPV afterwards, others do not. And all of this is for women, I’m guessing it would be even more difficult, even for a responsible male that goes to yearly physicals and gets tested regularly, to get a test for HPV. And they’re the ones more likely to spread it without symptoms! **Stoid** , could a mod rearrange the poll? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/30 "2011-03-18T13:51:50Z")
> [@KarlGrenze](#): > > BTW, while HIV and herpes testing are usually offered during annual gynecological examinations (and I guess yearly physicals for men), and HIV is also offered through anonymous/confidential testing… Testing for HPV is more difficult. My gyno offers HPV testing when you go in for an annual. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/31 "2011-03-18T14:00:51Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > I hope you at least have an option to buy… I’ll probaby have to just buy it. That things so beat up and over the allowable mileage I’ll get thoroughly screwed by the surcharges when the lease expires. But thats not so bad, I kinda like the seat heaters, the trim, and how it handles. And, like all real men, I prefer a stick to an automatic. ---
**Author:** ![jacobsta811](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jacobsta811/32/2893_2.png) [@jacobsta811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jacobsta811)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/32 "2011-03-18T14:29:02Z")
I believe you are missing Hepatitis C - while some people do kick it (with and without treatment) only about 50% of people ever end up completely cured. For what its worth I vote for all of them except the HPV ones - HPV is super common and so many people don’t know they have it. Edit, or at least, I would vote for that - as said above the poll is broken, I can only pick one option. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/33 "2011-03-18T14:48:02Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > I think this might be a first- to have a poll so carefully crafted to allow for nuances, and then have everyone answer in exactly the same black & white way. Carefully created to allow for nuances? 😕 This poll was the equivalent of asking is it okay to murder your neighbor under the following conditions: - with a revolver in your left hand. - with a revolver in your right hand. - with a knife in your left hand. - with a knife in your right hand. - by strangulation with a nylon cord. - by strangulation with a polyester cord. - by strangulation with a small wire. - by beheading with an axe. - by beheading with a machete. - It’s never really okay to murder your neighbor under any of the above scenarios. The fact that your surprised by the responses, is what is surprising. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/34 "2011-03-18T14:57:26Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Carefully created to allow for nuances? 😕 Miss Scarlet in the Library with a candlestick is WAY DIFFERENT than Miss Scarlet in the Library with a wrench. WAY DIFFERENT. Why, it’s hardly murder with a wrench. It’s more like a visit to the life mechanic that just happens to kill you. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/35 "2011-03-18T15:00:28Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > ‘Cuz I’m thinkin’ it’s pretty unlikely that everybody is telling everybody without fail and vast numbers of people are still contracting these diseases. Maybe I’m wrong, but common sense suggest I’m not. That assumes that the people who have the diseases are aware that they have them. A scary-high proportion of herpes carriers do not know that they have herpes. Ditto that for genital warts. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/36 "2011-03-18T15:49:53Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > Uh, I think Skald just said that because he’s married. 🙂 Precisely. If I have sex with a virgin, it means either that my wife has died, that I’ve gotten a divorced, or that I’m cheating on my wife, which are the three worst things I can imagine happening in my life. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/37 "2011-03-18T16:17:29Z")
> [@Beadalin](#): > > That assumes that the people who have the diseases are aware that they have them. A scary-high proportion of herpes carriers do not know that they have herpes. Ditto that for genital warts. Exactly - for all I know I guess I may be a herpes carrier. Some people have no symptoms. I’m not sure if I’ve been tested for that or not. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/38 "2011-03-18T17:28:46Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > My gyno offers HPV testing when you go in for an annual. That’s nice. 🙂 It’s not offered through my clinic, though. And the rest of what I wrote stands. It is not a test as common as others. Maybe one day it’ll be, but it’s not that way yet. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/39 "2011-03-18T18:44:21Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > I think this might be a first- to have a poll so carefully crafted to allow for nuances, and then have everyone answer in exactly the same black & white way. The way you crafted the poll, it’s like you expect there to be different attitudes amongst straight couples versus gay ones, or that it might matter whether the man has the potential STD versus the woman. I don’t see how any of that might matter, and apparently neither do the majority of the people responding to your poll. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085/40 "2011-03-18T18:51:26Z")
> [@Lord\_Ashtar](#): > > The way you crafted the poll, it’s like you expect there to be different attitudes amongst straight couples versus gay ones, or that it might matter whether the man has the potential STD versus the woman. I don’t see how any of that might matter, and apparently neither do the majority of the people responding to your poll. Apparently so. But I crafted it that way based on real-world conversations and knowledge that include exactly such nuances, hence my surprise. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stds-and-the-obligation-to-disclose-status-prior-to-sex/575085.md?page=3)