# Step one of the guide to make sure you don't get hired for the job **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 13, 2002, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898 "2002-06-13T18:33:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/1 "2002-06-13T18:33:06Z")
In a brilliant move, make 2 separate tall jokes when you meet me and when we part. Oddly enough, normally I wouldn’t really care because I have a great ability to laugh at myself and I am very comfortable with my height. But, to be so unoriginal as to resort to the lame cracks about the weather up there and being able to reach the tops of shelves in the store shows me you are not of the mental caliber to be able to successfully do this job, let alone operate something as complex as inserting your foot into your mouth, which I get the feeling you do on a regular basis. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/2 "2002-06-13T18:39:14Z")
Maybe this person had had previous luck with this approach? I have a (White) friend who went for a job interview at a company owned and operated by a Black family. She was interviewed by a Black man and, because her friendship with _me_ had, she said, “made her more comfortable around Black people” :rolleyes: she felt quite proud of herself for jokingly asking the guy if they’d be nicknaming her “Cracker” if she got the job. She didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Drastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/3 "2002-06-13T18:40:54Z")
> [@](#): > > you are not of the mental caliber to be able to successfully do this job. In all fairness, I imagine it’s easier to get foot into mouth when the foot and mouth in question are closer together to begin with. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/4 "2002-06-13T19:14:10Z")
Step 3#–Being new to town and all, ask your interviewer if they know the best place around here to score some good blow. Step #4–Admire the photos your interviewer has of his family on his desk. Be sure to stress how hot his 15 year old daughter is. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/5 "2002-06-13T19:18:20Z")
Ah yes, interviewing. Step 5. Stare at my rack the _entire_ time. Please, no quick, discreet glances. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/6 "2002-06-13T19:25:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JuanitaTech \* > \*\*Ah yes, interviewing. > > Step 5. Stare at my rack the _entire_ time. Please, no quick, discreet glances. \*\* Sorry, but I was sixteen at the time and my hormones were raging. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/7 "2002-06-13T19:28:13Z")
Step 6 - Show up an hour late. Step 7 - Tell me more about your personal problems ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/8 "2002-06-13T19:54:58Z")
Step 8 - even tho the ad said send in a resume, no phone calls, call up anyway. I’ll write your name down so I’ll remember it when I’m looking through resumes. Your resume will be the one that “accidentally” falls into the shredder. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/9 "2002-06-13T19:56:25Z")
Step 8 - show up in a ratty sweat suit Step 9 - remark how much you dislike jobs that require standing, while interviewing for a job that requires standing Step 10 - In answer to the question “Tell me about a time when you and your previous supervisor disagreed” outline in great detail how when you worked for H&R Block you gave a woman’s private tax information to a man claiming to be her ex-husband and didn’t see what the big deal was because he was a mexican guy and the woman’s last name was mexican. (actual interview, swear to og.) ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/10 "2002-06-13T19:58:19Z")
Step 8 - Insult the receptionist (they won’t say anything) Step 9 - Bring breakfast and eat during the interview (unless it is an interview over breakfast) ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/11 "2002-06-13T20:01:52Z")
Step 9 - When they ask you what your biggest shortcomings are say something like “If not closely supervised, I tend to become very lazy.” or “You don’t check us for office supplies when we leave, do you?” Step 10 - When you are applying for a job as an insurance adjuster, mention that you want to go to law school soon. (I actually did this, first interview out of college.) D’OH! ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/12 "2002-06-13T20:08:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stuffy \* > \*\*Step 6 - Show up an hour late. > > \*\* I once showed up one day and half an hour **early** for an interview. And then argued with the interviewer over when the interview was supposed to occur. And then, astonishingly, got the job. When you’re hot, you’re hot. 😃 Daniel ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/13 "2002-06-13T20:18:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DanielWithrow \* > \*\* > > I once showed up one day and half an hour **early** for an interview. And then argued with the interviewer over when the interview was supposed to occur. > > And then, astonishingly, got the job. > > When you’re hot, you’re hot. 😃 > > Daniel \*\* Let me guess… was it a telemarketing job?? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/14 "2002-06-13T20:28:24Z")
I’ve always enjoyed [these.](http://www.gradview.com/careers/big_mistake.html) ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/15 "2002-06-13T20:34:09Z")
I was interviewing candidates for a telephone Customer Service Rep position. I actually had a candidate say… _ready for it?_ _you sure?_ _positive?_ _brace yourself_ “I’m really not good at dealing with people…” _blink_ _blink_ MeanJoe ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/16 "2002-06-13T20:39:33Z")
1. When asked if you are looking for a job or a career, respond with, “Just a job until I figure out what I want to do in life.” ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/17 "2002-06-13T20:44:11Z")
Step 12 (??) Meet your interviewer/future boss at the main office of the Faculty your interviewing at. Assume she is a receptionist or secretary of some sort. Be rude and condescending during the entire walk over to her office. Back pedal as quickly as is humanly possible, practically sticking yer lips clean on up her butt-hole as soon as you realize your mistake. Yes, that works every time. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/18 "2002-06-13T21:27:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\* > Let me guess… was it a telemarketing job?? 😃 \*\* Heh heh…nope. It was as a writing tutor at a college. To be fair to me, the interviewer was a seventy-something woman who was frail of health, and she may have forgotten the time of the interview instead of me. And I didn’t really press the issue: I just apologized for when I’d come, and said I really thought the interview was today. And I interviewed at 8 am, before either of us had had coffee. And I’d worked as a writing tutor for a different department in the college, and had a good track record there. Still, I was pretty amazed afterward both at my behavior and at the subsequent job office. Best part is, I didn’t take the job. Got a much more boring, significantly higher-paying job with a lawyer’s office. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/19 "2002-06-13T21:40:46Z")
#13) Tell me that my schedule should hours you insist on. (not in the “I have to take my mother for diylasis on Tuesdays, so if the job requires me to work past five on Tuesdays, then I’m not suitable for the positition” sense, but in the “I love the Colorado Avalanche, so if there’s an in-town game, I won’t be here. And if they win, I may be late the next morning, depending on how hung-over I am, so you’d better plan your schedule for me around that” sense- which someone actually said to me.) ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/20 "2002-06-13T21:44:12Z")
Doonesbury had a strip once where the applicant said: “I’d like some time off before I start to grow a little.” The interviewer replied: “Grow? You mean like in agribusiness?” Interviewer: “No sir, as a person. I’m not really as mature as I’d like to be.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898.md?page=2)