# Step one of the guide to make sure you don't get hired for the job **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 13, 2002, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898 "2002-06-13T18:33:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/41 "2002-06-14T18:20:30Z")
Bring your dog to the interview. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/42 "2002-06-14T18:22:40Z")
racin, you’re still joking about it seeming like a likely, reason, right? ---
**Author:** ![Rosebud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rosebud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rosebud)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/43 "2002-06-14T18:27:34Z")
When applying for a job with Columbia, the University, be sure to spell it **Colombia** , like the country, on your resume when indicating that you _have held other positions_ at said university. This will illustrate your ability to think outside the box. * * * On the morning you’re supposed to come in, which has been scheduled in advance, do not make any kind of contact with us until a full two hours after you were supposed to be here. Sound like you just dragged yourself out of the sewer while you explain that you “had to bartend” last night and couldn’t possibly have gotten up in time. Stumble in eventually and get the job because your best friend is the boss’s son :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/44 "2002-06-14T18:47:02Z")
> [@](#): > > On the morning you’re supposed to come in, which has been scheduled in advance, do not make any kind of contact with us until a full two hours after you were supposed to be here. Sound like you just dragged yourself out of the sewer while you explain that you “had to bartend” last night and couldn’t possibly have gotten up in time. Stumble in eventually and get the job because your best friend is the boss’s son Wow, that sounds an awful like…Columbia. 😉 MR CC '00 ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/45 "2002-06-14T18:48:08Z")
An awful _lot_. I should have failed Logic & Rhetoric. ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/46 "2002-06-14T18:58:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LonesomePolecat \* > \*\*When the prospective employer interviewing you asks you the same question three different times and continually calls you by the wrong name despite the fact that your application is sitting right there on the desk in front of him, tell him (1) you obviously are not receiving serious consideration for the job, (2) you resent the way he’s wasted your time, and (3) you want to withdraw your application. You’ll probably both be happier. \*\* And do not interview with John Cleese. _“FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE!”_ ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2002, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/47 "2002-06-15T04:07:17Z")
To heck with the numbers: Submit your resume. Mention your religious degrees and your ordination. Attach copies of your certificates from seminary and ordination. Mention in your cover letter how morality is so important in corporate dealings. Did I mention this was for a mutual-fund company? His resume is now sitting in the “No Interest” pile. Robin ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2002, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/48 "2002-06-15T05:21:33Z")
No, I seriously think my engagement was among the reasons they didn’t hire me. ::shrug:: It annoys me, but I’m not gonna take action. They can choose not to hire me if they think I’m a risk to leave the company soon. They can choose not to hire me if they think the jewelry I’m wearing is too flashy, or they don’t like my accent, or pretty much anything short of my age, race and gender. ---
**Author:** ![Riboflavin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Riboflavin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riboflavin)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2002, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/49 "2002-06-15T16:18:03Z")
When interviewing to work at a consulting company for a tech position, answer ‘what network protocols did you use at your last job’ with ‘I don’t know’, then a few minutes later say ‘OK, now I remember - Unix’. Sheesh, that wasn’t even a tech question, that was to make the tech question that was going to come easier for you by basing it off of something you would have seen. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2002, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/50 "2002-06-15T17:26:47Z")
- When applying for a job – in which the ad specifies Mac platform experience – send me a CD with your resume on it, in PC executable files… so I can’t even look at your portfolio. That’ll help. - When applying for a copy editor position, don’t proofread your resume and cover letter… leave those boring typos in there. - In fact, don’t even read the ad and don’t skew your resume toward the qualifications listed in it. Just send your resume to any random job you see in the classifieds and hope that I’ll call you. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2002, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/51 "2002-06-15T17:29:30Z")
Oh, and two more things. When asked, “Do you have any questions?” Be sure to inquire about our medical insurance coverage. Clarify if pre-existing conditions are covered… 'cause you’ve got lots of medical problems which will prevent you from working a full 40 hour work week, and the real reason you’re looking for a job is to get medical insurance. Also, be sure to wear that crappy sweat suit, then ask, “What’s the dress code? Is this outfit okay? Because I don’t like to dress up…” ---
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2002, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898/52 "2002-06-15T21:12:53Z")
Don’t trouble yourself with shallow frivolities like a shower, anti-perspirant/deodorant and clean clothing. Simply run your fingers through your hair and arrive in a musky, wrinkled outfit pulled from the hamper; your cavalier personal hygiene will help convey your easy-going personality. Perfume or cologne will mask any body odour, if enough is used. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-one-of-the-guide-to-make-sure-you-dont-get-hired-for-the-job/113898.md?page=2)