# Step up and punch the dumb fucks who destroy everything for the sake of their lawn **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 15, 2001, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420 "2001-08-15T17:50:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420/21 "2001-08-16T00:22:49Z")
yes, those “brainfruit” can get pretty annoying, as in the “get caught in a mower’s blades so it explodes in horrible shrapnel” type of way. that’s another reason we just put mulch under the trees; i don’t have to mow in the horrible osage fruit infested lawn bits. ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420/22 "2001-08-16T01:02:42Z")
You should see the lawn obsession here in LA. Come on people, vanilla lawn grass isn’t native to the area by a long shot! Another thing that can kill obsessed-about lawns is thatching. Frequent shallow watering can make the roots stay close to the surface, and everything gets all tangled up and the sod gets packed and airless. So unless Mr. My Lawn Is My Manhood areates it (wow, I have no idea how to spell that at the moment) with a umm thingummy – is it a rototiller? – yeah, he’s pretty much SOL. Sprinklers, though … OMG, that’s a topic I can rant about for days. My brother was almost _killed_ taking a header on his bike because some anal tongue dart didn’t take two minutes to aim his sprinklers onto the grass instead of the street. What were they trying to do, grow a four lane highway? (Whoever you are, pinkysnot, I hope you’re happy you almost made me an only child!) Where I live now, there’s always grass being watered somewhere, and while having nice soft luscious grass is nice, no-one ever sits on it or plays on it because the sprinkler water is “reclaimed.” So why bother?? My parents’ home though, has a concrete front yard and back yard. It was that way when we moved in, and we haven’t had the cash to get it taken out. So, in high school, I was the only person I knew who had to sweep the lawn and water the house. I keep telling them they need to spraypaint that concrete green and draw flowers on it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420/23 "2001-08-16T02:05:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by saepiroth \* > \*\* like nature’s own caltrops. i’ve seen them go through a shoe! \*\* I know what caltrops are, have been around Osage Oranges (hedge) all my life, have never seen the “caltrops” of which you speak. I have a dozen or so osage oranges (hedge apples) in my house as we speak, they are rumored to keep spiders at bay. Is it only certain species, I wonder, or is it only at a certain time? I’d love to know, as I have a yard I’d love to plant some in. BTW, I believe that Osage Orange is technically the hardest _native_ north american hardwood; anyone confirm or refute this? As for the OP: I just renewed my scrip to Organic Gardening, an excellent source of alternative pest care products. Maybe you should drop a couple old copies off at your neighbors!!! b. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420/24 "2001-08-16T02:10:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Billy Rubin \* > \*\*Is it only certain species, I wonder, or is it only at a certain time? I’d love to know, as I have a yard I’d love to plant some in. > > BTW, I believe that Osage Orange is technically the hardest _native_ north american hardwood; anyone confirm or refute this? \*\* I used to have many Osage Oranges on my property, and I never say these caltrops either. I think the flowering Dogwood is harder than the Osage Orange - at least the Kansas varieties work that way, according to my K-State Extention handbook. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420/25 "2001-08-16T02:58:18Z")
Don’t know about the _hardest_ native wood, but here are some characteristics I gleaned from [http://hedgeapple.com](http://hedgeapple.com) : > [@](#): > > **1.Has highest strength for primitive bows used in archery. > 2.Highest in rot resistance without additives. > 3.Dried hedge is highest in BTU’s when used as firewood.** Also, from [http://www.gpnc.org/osage.htm](http://www.gpnc.org/osage.htm) : > [@](#): > > **Before the invention of barbed wire in the 1880’s, many thousands of miles of hedge were constructed by planting young Osage Orange trees closely together in a line. The saplings were aggressively pruned to promote bushy growth. “Horse high, bull strong and hog tight.” Those were the criteria for a > good hedge made with Osage Orange. Tall enough that a horse would not jump it, stout enough that a bull would not push through it and woven so tightly that even a hog could not find its way through! After barbed wire made hedge fences obsolete, the trees still found use as a source of unbeatable fence posts. The wood is strong and so dense that it will neither rot nor succumb to the attacks of termites or other insects for decades. The trees also found use as an effective component of windbreaks and shelterbelts.** I grew up around these trees, too; and don’t remember the caltrops, either. The fruits would sure make your shoe stink after punting them across the field, though. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420/26 "2001-08-16T15:06:52Z")
This just in… I swear I am not making this up. Will try to find a link: A New Jersey play ground was closed yesterday. The cause? Weedkiller. Yes, seems some kids were ill after playing in the playground. The cause was traced back to the selective herbicide (aka broadleaf weed killer) used at a local playground. It was a TV news story, so I’ll see if they posted it on the web somewhere. As as a kid, I don’t ever remember avoiding certain playgrounds because of their high weed count. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420/27 "2001-08-16T15:18:40Z")
Ignorance has been successfully fought right here in the Pit. I’ve seen those damn Osage Orange fruits in random places, especially when I was a kid in New Hampshire. Up until today I had no idea what in the hell they were and they freaked me out. Now, thanks to the links provided here, I know exactly how cool them trees are. Thanks! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420/28 "2001-08-16T18:15:33Z")
> [@](#): > > I dropped a dime on him - hey, we get ground water, so it is a limited resource - but I was told that it’s “voluntary” since it’s only a drought warning. Actually, Huntsville is a mixed system. Lots of groundwater, but you also have two big surface plants on the Tennessee River. So sez the bored ADEM Drinking Water Branch employee. Also, in regards to the hardest wood debate currently raging, I’d always heard that Hercules’ Club, AKA Devil’s Walking Stick, AKA Ironwood, was the strongest native wood. I’m not sure osage orange has the very highest rot resistance, either. Wasn’t live oak used at one point for ships’ hulls because it wouldn’t rot? ---
**Author:** ![Demise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/34f0e0/32.png) [@Demise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demise)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420/29 "2001-08-16T19:41:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Olentzero \* > \*\*Ignorance has been successfully fought right here in the Pit. > > I’ve seen those damn Osage Orange fruits in random places, especially when I was a kid in New Hampshire.\*\* And again. I saw one of these fruits this weekend and wondered what the hell it was. Now I know. They must not like to grow so far south (Austin, TX). Or maybe I just never have paid attention, but I don’t think so, as I enjoy hiking and other out door activities. _shrug_ ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420/30 "2001-08-16T21:00:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ogre \* > Actually, Huntsville is a mixed system. Lots of groundwater, but you also have two big surface plants on the Tennessee River. That’s correct. I think Huntsville gets almost all of its water from the Tennessee River, but where I live, we are served by the Harvest-Monrovia Water Authority, which uses 5 large wells (or so the yearly water report claims). That’s why we had a drought emergency last summer, but AFAIK the City of Huntsville did not. ---
**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420/31 "2001-08-16T21:39:36Z")
jeez- my little typo certaily caused a great deal of chaos. i meant that the LOCUSTS drop the spike bundles that are like caltrops. terribly sorry. please don’t hurt me. ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420/32 "2001-08-17T01:21:42Z")
I was just about to mention that the locusts (Gleditsia triacanthos) are the ones that have the thorns. The species name means “three thorned” in reference to the fact that the thorns are usuall branched with three prongs. The spines usually grow in bundles along the trunk. Quite a nasty tree to grow (unless you get the variety “Inermis” which is thornless). Anyway, the best lawn is no lawn in my book ;). I tore out our lawn and replaced it with things like perennials (I do have grasses, but these are ornamental grasses). ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420/33 "2001-08-17T01:23:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Doobieous \* > **The spines usually grow in bundles along the trunk. Quite a nasty tree to grow (unless you get the variety “Inermis” which is thornless).** Oh yeah, here’s a pic of the trunk with thorns. It’s not a close up, but you can clearly see they grow in bundles: [http://www.forestry.auburn.edu/samuelson/dendrology/images/caesalpiniaceae/hny\_locust%20bark1.jpg](http://www.forestry.auburn.edu/samuelson/dendrology/images/caesalpiniaceae/hny_locust%20bark1.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420/34 "2001-08-17T02:30:59Z")
I love my wife, but she and I are on opposite sides of a divide. I am from the post- _Silent Spring_ generation, raised to regard DDT, Agent Orange and lawn chemicals as bad things. My wife is from the generation that thinks lawns should be as perfectly flat, green and smooth as a billiard table, and if fertilizer and herbicides will do the trick, so be it. We must have been the only house in our neighborhood to have puddles in our basement in the middle of a dry spell from sprinkling so much. When she absolutely **demanded** that I treat our lawn, I did a fuck-up job and killed half our lawn with fertilizer burn, and now it’s overgrown with crabgrass. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/step-up-and-punch-the-dumb-fucks-who-destroy-everything-for-the-sake-of-their-lawn/76420.md?page=1)