# "Stepmom" as a descriptor in this circumstance **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 7, 2021, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stepmom-as-a-descriptor-in-this-circumstance/955672 "2021-12-07T22:38:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2021, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stepmom-as-a-descriptor-in-this-circumstance/955672/21 "2021-12-09T18:47:36Z")
> [@Horatius](#): > > > [@Grrr](#): > > > > Racist? The term is used primarily by black mothers. And they use the term to express the father of her child who she is no longer (or never) married to. > > > > Not racist. Not derogatory at all. > > The term “Negro” was once considered “not racist”, until the racists started using it for that purpose. “Baby Daddy” ain’t that. Racist can use lots of words to demean POC (watermelon, fried chicken etc…) but we don’t stop using them. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2021, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stepmom-as-a-descriptor-in-this-circumstance/955672/22 "2021-12-09T19:31:42Z")
> [@Horatius](#): > > I suspect the connotations of “baby daddy” vary quite a bit based on what culture you’re approaching it from. I interpret it as suggesting a somewhat cavalier attitude towards parental responsibility. Or maybe someone thinks it cute. If someone - of any race/ethnicity - uses the term “baby daddy”, that might give me a different impression than if they say “my child’s father.” Probably unfair of me, and likely reflects my age/upbringing. Add it to the list of increasingly common terms I disfavor. ---
**Author:** ![Thing.Fish](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thing.fish/32/9168_2.png) [@Thing.Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thing.Fish)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2021, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stepmom-as-a-descriptor-in-this-circumstance/955672/23 "2021-12-09T19:40:24Z")
I think the terms in that context are equivalent. Describing him as “father” or “babydaddy” both imply that this is not a person who the mother has an ongoing intimate relationship with. Otherwise, you would call him “husband” or “partner”. The father/babydaddy may or may not have an ongoing relationship with their child; I don’t see either term as necessarily implying one or the other. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2021, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stepmom-as-a-descriptor-in-this-circumstance/955672/24 "2021-12-09T20:14:39Z")
The source of male genetic material not only doesn’t have contact with his daughter by the woman referenced in my OP. I can’t say for certain if he has any contact with his other kids. So you can call him sperm donor, baby daddy, or by his name, just don’t call him the kids’ father, because that’s more inaccurate than the other terms. And no one in this story is a POC. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2021, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stepmom-as-a-descriptor-in-this-circumstance/955672/25 "2021-12-10T07:36:10Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > > [@Horatius](#): > > > > > [@Grrr](#): > > > > > > Racist? The term is used primarily by black mothers. And they use the term to express the father of her child who she is no longer (or never) married to. > > > > > > Not racist. Not derogatory at all. > > > > The term “Negro” was once considered “not racist”, until the racists started using it for that purpose. > > “Baby Daddy” ain’t that. Racist can use lots of words to demean POC (watermelon, fried chicken etc…) but we don’t stop using them. But none of those words are primarily used in a pejorative sense. “Baby daddy,” tends to be. While it could technically refer to any father who is no longer in a relationship with the mother of his child, it is primarily used to refer to a father who refuses to be part of the child’s life at all. Urban dictionary has one neutral definition, and then several negative ones. > **[Urban Dictionary: baby daddy](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=baby%20daddy)** > > Short for "Baby's Daddy". The father of your child, whom you did not marry, and with whom you are not currently involved. Now, maybe “baby daddy” is used more by black women than racists. But I know I’ve been hearing it a lot more from racists myself, and thus do not feel comfortable using it as white man, any more than I would have written that second definition at UD that uses n—a a lot. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stepmom-as-a-descriptor-in-this-circumstance/955672.md?page=1)