# Steven Seagal: Lawman (in real life AND on TV) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 2, 2009, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712 "2009-12-02T16:11:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/41 "2009-12-09T06:13:30Z")
> [@joebuck20](#): > > True. But I bet he could still kick your ass. So? Elvis could kick my ass. But Elvis didn’t posture as a bad-ass martial artist. Seagal has been in shape, he knows what he needs to do to be there. But from all appearances, he seriously let himself go. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/42 "2009-12-09T12:14:28Z")
> [@Polycarp](#): > > Well, **detop** , it’s like this: when two people love each other _very much_… 😃 If I understand correctly, a martial artist practices **kung fu** , while a marital artist practices **phuc u**? ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/43 "2009-12-09T13:46:43Z")
> [@Patch](#): > > So? Elvis could kick my ass. But Elvis didn’t posture as a bad-ass martial artist. [Umm…](http://respectable.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/elvis-karate-1.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/44 "2009-12-09T15:49:03Z")
“What the fuck, man?!? I didn’t do nothin’! I was just . . . hey, aren’t you Steven Seagal?” There, now you’ve just seen every episode of _Steven Seagal: Lawman_. ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/45 "2009-12-09T16:42:05Z")
> [@Patch](#): > > So? Elvis could kick my ass. But Elvis didn’t posture as a bad-ass martial artist. Seagal has been in shape, he knows what he needs to do to be there. But from all appearances, he seriously let himself go. He’s 58. Cut him some slack. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/46 "2009-12-09T16:47:15Z")
> [@mlees](#): > > He’s 58. Cut him some slack. Jack Lalane has always promoted fitness and he is 142 and still in good shape. Okay, so I don’t know how old be really is, but he’s freaking old and still fit. ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/47 "2009-12-09T16:51:55Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > Jack Lalane has always promoted fitness and he is 142 and still in good shape. > > Okay, so I don’t know how old be really is, but he’s freaking old and still fit. I know. Randy Couture is still fighting in the UFC at the age of 46. :eek: But you’ll find more people “out of shape” in those ages than “in”, especially among those folks who used to be in physically demanding careers. (How many old-old American Football players are there?) But I attribute that to great genes as much as I do as work(out) ethic. Randy and Jack are the exception, not the rule. ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/48 "2009-12-09T18:38:36Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > I started the thread expecting/hoping that it might generate some funny Seagal comments, but I think his motivations are good. He’s been on the force for many years without any media attention, and says he hopes that the show helps to attract new recruits. The reality-TV aspect is worthy of criticism I suppose–just another paycheck for a C-list actor. > > I wonder how the citizens of the parish feel about him serving their community? [Steven Seagal - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Seagal) He is a crappy actor but he has a huge list of movies. He just keeps cranking them out. He must have a ton of money. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/49 "2009-12-09T18:49:43Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > …Okay, so I don’t know how old [Jack Lalane] really is, but he’s freaking old and still fit. Hey, you’re only off by a decade. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/50 "2009-12-09T23:45:14Z")
This show is the most unintentionally hilarious, nuttiest, vaguely racist show I have ever seen in my life. 1. There should definitely be a drinking game attached to the show. Everybody takes a shot when he mentions being a “life-long practitioner of the martial arts.” By my count, he said it 4 times in ep 1 and 3 times in ep 2, and that doesn’t even count the variances of the phrase. Everybody chugs when they do a slo-mo, magnified version of what Seagal is seeing as he surveys his beat. Finish the bottle if that shot they show you has _nothing at all to do with the action on the screen._ (Like in the first episode when the other team is actually doing their job and not responding on the radio, and everything slows down so they can show you a shot of an OPEN DOOR…that has nothing to do with anything and you never see again). 2. The editors are some clever fuckers. In the first episode, when they stop to investigate some “suspicious persons” they pass by a group of people by the road, including a woman in a bright pink outfit. In the second episode, the editing makes it look like they’re passing by the same shady characters–except it’s clearly the exact same shot as in the first episode. 3. In the first two episodes, Seagal has done _nothing_ to justify is presence there or the camera crew’s. There’s a high speed chase…that has nothing to do with him until he shows up and muscles his way to the suspect. There’s a foot chase…that has nothing to do with him until he shows up and muscles his way to the suspect. And because the camera is stuck with the guy who does nothing but pontificate on how awesome he is, the audience is screwed out of anything remotely interesting. 4. I don’t think Seagal is racist, but the show does make me a bit uncomfortable. Especially in the second episode where they notice three black men leaving a house and getting in a car. They immediately pull over and stop them on suspicion of…I don’t know, being three black men, I guess. It’s never _once_ made clear why they’re hassling these guys, and when they ask what the hell is going on (appropriately outraged), Seagal et al are basically like “STFU.” Then they do the background check and learn that _none_ of them have any priors at all, and the gun they find (and immediately suspect is stolen) is completely legal and registered (though Seagal does offer a bullshit “Guns are dangerous on the street” justification). Then after they let the guys go, they all congratulate themselves on keeping the streets safe. WTF? 5. Did you know that he’s a life-long practitioner of the martial arts? I’ll keep watching for the LOLZ, but I can’t believe anybody, anywhere, takes this show remotely seriously (and I’m including Seagal himself in that). ---
**Author:** ![BrandonR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@BrandonR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrandonR)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/51 "2009-12-09T23:59:19Z")
> [@pepperlandgirl](#): > > 1. In the first two episodes, Seagal has done _nothing_ to justify is presence there or the camera crew’s. There’s a high speed chase…that has nothing to do with him until he shows up and muscles his way to the suspect. There’s a foot chase…that has nothing to do with him until he shows up and muscles his way to the suspect. And because the camera is stuck with the guy who does nothing but pontificate on how awesome he is, the audience is screwed out of anything remotely interesting. Meh, it’s like that on COPS too. Unless they’re lucky, the officers with the camera crew often aren’t the first to respond to a big situation, but when they do get there they often get into the action. That’s just part of making good TV. > [@pepperlandgirl](#): > > 1. I don’t think Seagal is racist, but the show does make me a bit uncomfortable. Especially in the second episode where they notice three black men leaving a house and getting in a car. They immediately pull over and stop them on suspicion of…I don’t know, being three black men, I guess. It’s never _once_ made clear why they’re hassling these guys, and when they ask what the hell is going on (appropriately outraged), Seagal et al are basically like “STFU.” Then they do the background check and learn that _none_ of them have any priors at all, and the gun they find (and immediately suspect is stolen) is completely legal and registered (though Seagal does offer a bullshit “Guns are dangerous on the street” justification). Then after they let the guys go, they all congratulate themselves on keeping the streets safe. WTF? Didn’t he say he thought they were drinking, and they ended up finding an open container in the car? They could have cited them for that but it appears they just let them go. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/52 "2009-12-10T00:08:44Z")
> [@BrandonR](#): > > Didn’t he say he thought they were drinking, and they ended up finding an open container in the car? They could have cited them for that but it appears they just let them go. There _was_ an open container but all of them claimed they had not been drinking, and IIRC, none of them were drunk or failed a field sobriety test. So essentially, they were suspicious for no good reason, searched the car for no good reason, and found an open container that there was no evidence any of them had been drinking out of. Yep, another job well done. And I don’t think this is necessarily comparable to cops. Presumably Seagal didn’t sell the show to A&E by saying “Okay, I basically don’t do anything. I mean, ever. Usually, by the time I get there, all the hard work is done.” When I sit down to see Seagal: Lawman, I want to see Seagal actually _doing something_. If I wanted to see random police officers running around, I would just watch **Cops**. ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/53 "2009-12-10T00:23:53Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > [Umm…](http://respectable.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/elvis-karate-1.jpg) :eek: Does…does his gi have bell bottoms? ---
**Author:** ![Claptree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@Claptree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claptree)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/54 "2009-12-12T11:31:46Z")
Right. I’ve got a couple of episodes recorded, and this afternoon I will hopefully be playing the Steven Seagal: Lawman: Drinking game. Drink-required events: -life-long practitioner, as suggested. -Steven Seagal: Crime-O-Vision -Zen this or that -“The important thing is to save lives/protect the innocent/save my guys’ lives” -They enter a dangerous area where anything can happen. Wish me luck ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/55 "2009-12-12T11:38:01Z")
> [@Patch](#): > > :eek: > > Does…does his gi have bell bottoms? He’s the King, baby. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/56 "2009-12-12T16:31:47Z")
> [@Claptree](#): > > Drink-required events: > > -life-long practitioner, as suggested. > -Steven Seagal: Crime-O-Vision > -Zen this or that > -“The important thing is to save lives/protect the innocent/save my guys’ lives” > -They enter a dangerous area where anything can happen. > > Wish me luck This game must be made illegal, or too many people will die. Especially if you have to chug every time there is an Ego Moment on the screen. You know, the scenes where they’re showing off his incredible skills at something or another, or his great “wisdom”. And oh my sweet Og, the man has a “band” too that he sings and plays with? ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/57 "2009-12-12T17:14:15Z")
> [@Claptree](#): > > Right. I’ve got a couple of episodes recorded, and this afternoon I will hopefully be playing the Steven Seagal: Lawman: Drinking game. > > Drink-required events: > > -life-long practitioner, as suggested. > -Steven Seagal: Crime-O-Vision > -Zen this or that > -“The important thing is to save lives/protect the innocent/save my guys’ lives” > -They enter a dangerous area where anything can happen. > > Wish me luck I fully support this plan. Come back and post so we can find out how shit-faced you are. ---
**Author:** ![BrandonR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@BrandonR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrandonR)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2009, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/58 "2009-12-12T17:14:50Z")
> [@pepperlandgirl](#): > > I fully support this plan. Come back and post so we can find out how shit-faced you are. He won’t make it off the couch. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2009, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/59 "2009-12-13T05:13:12Z")
I tried to find out exactly what Seagal’s status on the force really is. There are a lot of ‘sheriff’s deputies’ in the Hollywood community, who are essentially given honorary badges while they’re shooting a cop show somewhere or because they do some charity work. Seagal was made a deputy because he taught martial arts to the cops on a regular basis, but was he really a beat cop in Jefferson Parish for 20 years? It seems unlikely. Also, Seagal is a master of self-promotion, and has been known to exaggerate his resume (his CIA background is mostly crap, for example). But stilll… There is no doubt that he’s a very good martial artist. He is apparently a very good shot with a pistol. And the last episode where he was playing guitar… I fully expected that to be a big exaggeration, with him strumming a few chords while the band played, but a couple of times he went through some riffs that looked pretty skillful. I looked up his musical background, and he actually has toured extensively with a band. So who knows? Maybe there’s more real to him than it seems, and he just comes off as a big poser. As for being a cop… I was kind of hoping it was true, because it would make the show more enjoyable, for me at least. However, according to [url=http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-et-lawman2-2009dec02,0,6809008.story]this article, it’s pretty much a sham. Seagal claim to have graduated from officer training, and has a certificate to that effect, but there’s no official record of his training. His ‘20 years as a cop’ apparently amounts to little more than him showing up for 2-3 weeks a year and riding around with some other cops and maybe doing a little martial arts training for them. His ‘partner’ is a captain who runs public relations, and 3 of 4 of the officers shown on the show are also from public relations. His deputy badge is honorary, not the result of graduating from police academy or really any kind of training at all. Notice that Seagal doesn’t have a gun, and is the only one of the bunch wearing a bullet proof vest. The vest is probably for insurance purposes, so I don’t hold that against him. But while the show does follow real cops on real patrols, the whole backstory about Seagal the quiet 20-year veteran of the mean streets is pretty much crap. Too bad. I was hoping to be pleasantly surprised for a change. ---
**Author:** ![BrandonR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@BrandonR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrandonR)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2009, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712/60 "2009-12-13T14:57:54Z")
I will be sorely disappointed if the season/show ends without him legitimately using his martial arts on someone. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/steven-seagal-lawman-in-real-life-and-on-tv/519712.md?page=4)