# Still alive: cast River Phoenix

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-alive-cast-river-phoenix/413049>\
**Category:** Cafe Society\
**Created:** [July 25, 2007, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-alive-cast-river-phoenix/413049 "2007-07-25T04:20:40Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 6\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\
**Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-alive-cast-river-phoenix/413049/1 "2007-07-25T04:20:40Z")

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River Phoenix is alive! He is now 36, roughly the same age as Ethan Hawke, Ewan Mcgregor, and Matt Damon. A little older than DiCaprio, a littler younger than Pitt.

What movies would he have starred in if he had never died?

I think he would have had Jude Law’s role in _Cold Mountain_.

He would have been Lestat in that stupid _Queen of the Damned_ movie and it still would have sucked a hairy nutsack.

And he would have made a creepy as, albino as Silas in _The Da Vinci Code_

And he would have been awesome in _Requiem for a Dream_.

He would have been great as Billy in _Six Feet Under_ but probably too flakey for a TV gig and Jeremy Sisto owned that role.

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**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\
**Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-alive-cast-river-phoenix/413049/2 "2007-07-25T04:23:01Z")

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Anakin.

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**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\
**Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-alive-cast-river-phoenix/413049/3 "2007-07-25T11:33:41Z")

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[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic]  
Anakin.  
[/QUOTE]

He’d be the same age as Obi Wan. That would be weird.

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**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\
**Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-alive-cast-river-phoenix/413049/4 "2007-07-25T11:41:10Z")

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Are we talking about zombie River Phoenix? He’d have a lot of roles with the zombie revival of the past few years.

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**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\
**Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-alive-cast-river-phoenix/413049/5 "2007-07-25T11:59:31Z")

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[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever]  
Are we talking about zombie River Phoenix? He’d have a lot of roles with the zombie revival of the past few years.  
[/QUOTE]  
Nope. He never died. So he is now 36 years old.

Zombie Phoenix would be in quite the predicament though: “Brrrraaaaaiiiiiii - wait, I’m a vegan! - Lettuce heeeeeeeeeaaaaads! Leeeeeeeeettuce heeeeaaaaads…”

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**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\
**Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-alive-cast-river-phoenix/413049/6 "2007-07-25T12:29:39Z")

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After seeing **My Own Private Idaho** I’m pretty jaded as to where he would have been good or not. That movie scarred me back then (91’). EEEWWW!