# Still go to heaven, but \_\_ for all eternity **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 11, 2025, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151 "2025-02-11T00:05:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2025, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/1 "2025-02-11T00:05:18Z")
This popped into my head during an idle moment at work - so it may not be original - but I seem to recall reading or dreaming up a story prompt or Tumblr convo or something, around the lines of what should happen to someone who’s not, like, _Hitler_ bad, but kind of vaguely a bit of an asshole sometimes. The idea is, the guy still goes to Heaven, buuuuuut … What I think was the original was, “You still get to go to Heaven, but **there’s a popcorn shard stuck in your teeth** for all eternity.” My idea was, “You still get to go to Heaven, but **you intermittently hear a random beeping sound** , for all eternity.” … thought it would make for a fun lil’ game. Aaaaand … go! ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2025, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/2 "2025-02-11T00:24:13Z")
A classic one from Weird Al: “He lets me into Heaven anyway, but I get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity.” ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2025, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/3 "2025-02-11T09:08:45Z")
[![](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F11%2F80%2Fed%2F1180ed4bb60db3b664911085b82e0f96.jpg&f=1&nofb=1&ipt=422b676783edf35f39c5c285ac9e6937c657625d49f80c22a0a4a4279c1995ab&ipo=images) ](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F11%2F80%2Fed%2F1180ed4bb60db3b664911085b82e0f96.jpg&f=1&nofb=1&ipt=422b676783edf35f39c5c285ac9e6937c657625d49f80c22a0a4a4279c1995ab&ipo=images) ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2025, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/4 "2025-02-11T16:54:04Z")
This couple is driving down the road when they miss a curve & plunge over an embankment & tragically they both die & go up to Heaven. The wife is first in line & when it’s her turn with St. Peter he explains that she was hardly a model citizen & they will let her in but ::click:: she is now handcuffed to a bum for all eternity as her penance. A couple of days go by & she sees her husband, handcuffed to a gorgeous bikini-clad supermodel. She turns on her heels right back to the Pearly Gates, steam coming from her ears enraged, furiously dragging her bum off his feet, & well, bouncing along his bum as he’s dragged along. She barges to the front of the line & starts to yell at St. Peter - “WTF he was no saint; how the 'eck did he get a supermodel to spend eternity with” on & on with her ranting when St. Peter can finally get a word in edgewise he calmly explains that she has it all wrong…& that her husband is the supermodel’s penance! ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUBv.2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanubv.2/32/3260_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUBv.2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUBv.2)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2025, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/5 "2025-02-11T20:45:56Z")
You’ll still go to Heaven but you will forever have the the feeling that you need to urinate. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2025, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/6 "2025-02-11T21:25:58Z")
… but you teeter on the edge of a sneeze that never quite arrives for all eternity. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2025, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/7 "2025-02-11T21:46:24Z")
The visuals are scrambled like Skinemax ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2025, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/8 "2025-02-11T21:53:54Z")
Honestly, I can’t think of anything I would want to happen for all eternity but, just to play along, a tiny itch right between the wings. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2025, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/9 "2025-02-11T22:14:38Z")
You can’t fly but have to take the bus everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/10 "2025-02-12T01:51:32Z")
There’s only one source of information about the entire universe, Fox News. ---
**Author:** ![frognot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frognot/32/8752_2.png) [@frognot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/frognot)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/11 "2025-02-12T10:28:41Z")
Nope. That’s Hell right there. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/12 "2025-02-12T10:36:27Z")
You have to ride in the back of the Godbus and drink from Sinners Only water fountains. ---
**Author:** ![Tired\_and\_Cranky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@Tired\_and\_Cranky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tired_and_Cranky)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/13 "2025-02-12T16:26:34Z")
…all tea comes with milk and/or sugar. Hell is the same in this way but they only serve Lipton tea. ---
**Author:** ![dougrb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@dougrb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougrb)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/14 "2025-02-12T17:10:56Z")
Kars4Kids jingle plays constantly. ---
**Author:** ![Tzigone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@Tzigone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzigone)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/15 "2025-02-12T17:46:20Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > when St. Peter can finally get a word in edgewise he calmly explains that she has it all wrong…& that her husband is the supermodel’s penance! And men don’t get penances? I mean, the joke falls flat to me in the sense that it just says he’s bad, too, but there’s no reference to punishment for him. I mean, yeah, sure, the supermodel is bad enough to have to do some penance, but we don’t get any details about what actually makes this unpleasant to the guy. Which may give us a “guy joke” where even in being undesirable himself, the husband wins (and the wife loses). I guess not all guys win (like the guy handcuffed to her, presumably), but yeah, totally unfunny from this woman’s perspective ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-go-to-heaven-but-for-all-eternity/1014151/16 "2025-02-12T20:45:31Z")
> [@dougrb](#): > > Kars4Kids jingle plays constantly. Is that better or worse than “It’s a Small World”?