# Still tacky to ask for cash as a wedding gift? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 9, 2013, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550 "2013-06-09T14:41:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/61 "2013-06-10T20:32:44Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > I have been to many wedding where I had no met the bride’s family, grooms family, or any of the groomsmen before attending. So that, I feel, is a totally unreasonable expectation of a guest that wants to give someone something. I just have to ask- whose weddings are you going to where neither you nor your spouse/SO/“plus one” don’t know _anyone_ in the bride’s family, _anyone_ in the groom’s family or \*any \*of their closest friends ( who are usually in the bridal party) ? And in my experience, weddings with 150 guests have bridal showers - and it’s not tacky to provide all sorts of registry and other gift info with the invitations for those as showers are thrown by people other than the bride and groom for the express purpose of giving gifts. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/62 "2013-06-10T20:36:32Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > \ a pattern of the person’s self-serving behavior have led me to the point of putting what may seem like too much weight on the recent written money-grab. It’s not the first straw, but in general, I am way too slow to recognize what ought to be the last. > If this were the only issue, I suppose I would just think it was tacky, but not necessarily absolute proof of a general lack of decency. In this case though, the lack of decency pops up with regularity, and although I am fond of the person, there is only so much I should excuse. It doesn’t sound like this is someone that you should spend a lot of time and effort on picking out a nice gift for; a nice card with what you feel is an appropriate amount of cash\* inside would probably be the right way to go for this particular person. \*If it feels appropriate, it could be a nice, crisp ten dollar bill. Or less. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/63 "2013-06-10T20:53:39Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > \*If it feels appropriate, it could be a nice, crisp ten dollar bill. Or less. 🙂 It should never feel appropriate to intend that someone be hurt or offended by your gift. If giving a small amount of money as a gift is supposed to signal your disapproval, as if the giftee is a shitty waitress, then… Bein Classy: ur doin it wrong. Theres nothing wrong with giving small sums or no gift at all. But being intentionally hurtful via gifting is an order of magnitude more classless than asking for cash, bad poem or no. ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/64 "2013-06-10T20:56:33Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > I just have to ask- whose weddings are you going to where neither you nor your spouse/SO/“plus one” don’t know _anyone_ in the bride’s family, _anyone_ in the groom’s family or \*any \*of their closest friends ( who are usually in the bridal party) ? > And in my experience, weddings with 150 guests have bridal showers - and it’s not tacky to provide all sorts of registry and other gift info with the invitations for those as showers are thrown by people other than the bride and groom for the express purpose of giving gifts. Coworkers - especially those where the wedding party is bride + groom + maid of honor (bride’s sister) + best man (groom’s brother). Old college friends with the above. Etc. Just because I know someone well enough to get a wedding invite doesn’t mean they’ve introduced me to their family or that I run in the same circles as their wedding party. I’m surprised this isn’t the case for more people. ---
**Author:** ![stoplight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@stoplight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stoplight)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/65 "2013-06-10T21:02:28Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Obviously I was raised by wolves, but have taught myself to read English using the complete works of Judith Martin and do my best to escape notice in human society, suppressing my frequent desire to howl at the moon. you have been doing a good bit howling thus far, over what again? You standing in supreme judgement of how your “friends” chose to handle their gift requests for their wedding. Were you potty trained at gunpoint? perhaps its a cultural thing ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/66 "2013-06-10T21:15:17Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > Coworkers - especially those where the wedding party is bride + groom + maid of honor (bride’s sister) + best man (groom’s brother). > > Old college friends with the above. > > Etc. > > Just because I know someone well enough to get a wedding invite doesn’t mean they’ve introduced me to their family or that I run in the same circles as their wedding party. I’m surprised this isn’t the case for more people. It’s apparently not all that common in my area to invite coworkers to weddings. In fact, the only weddings I know of where coworkers were invited were two of my husband’s coworkers at the same company, and it was the sort of company where my husband actually did know members of their families because they also worked there. ---
**Author:** ![markdash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@markdash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markdash)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/67 "2013-06-10T21:16:18Z")
Usually, putting gift information on the wedding website is considered OK for etiquette purposes. However, since going to the website was required to RSVP for the wedding, it could be considered an extension of the invitation, and thus we find ourselves in a gray area. I’d probably look the other way in this case. They did mention cash but also stated that a gift would be fine as well. I wouldn’t choose to do it this way, but it’s hardly worth trashing a friendship over. My wife and I didn’t include any registry/gift information in our invitations, and didn’t have a website, yet received mostly items from our registry. People contacted us, or more frequently our parents/wedding party to get the scoop on gifts. The notion that if you don’t include registry information with your invite that you’re going to get eight toasters is, IMHO, completely off base. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/68 "2013-06-10T21:51:09Z")
Using an online “calculator” that is supposed to help one figure out how much money to give people for weddings, apparently the correct amount is for them to give ME $30! I’d just be satisfied with a nice toaster though. Perhaps I’ll register! My parents were purposely unattached to the local culture, did not share a cultural background, and rejected their own cultural upbringings, thus I am something of a cultural outsider. My friends are not from one particular culture, my significant other panics at the thought of gift-giving, and none of us are religious. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/69 "2013-06-10T22:11:10Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > _Gracious hosting’s not hard to do, > So don’t apply the Royal Screw. > Cash & Bonds & Gems might tell, > few have told you “Go To Hell” > So, have this toaster, best in class! > (Hope it matches all your brass)_ > > (I had a better one for regrets, but you **like** these people?) I don’t like them anymore, so what’s the other poem? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/70 "2013-06-10T22:26:19Z")
Meh. I used to get all miffed about it, now I just shrug. If the couple tells me directly or indirectly that they prefer cash, then that’s fine with me. At least I don’t have to pay for shipping. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/71 "2013-06-10T22:59:33Z")
Eh, I kinda understand the OP. I hate giving cash and gift cards for any occasion. i do it, because some people make it clear that money is really what they want, but it robs gift-giving of what is to me the essence of it: Showing my affection for someone by finding them something they will cherish. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/72 "2013-06-10T23:14:12Z")
The essence of gift giving is showing your affecting by finding something you hope they’ll cherish but will probably be stuffed in a closet for three years and then donated to Goodwill. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/73 "2013-06-10T23:31:22Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > I don’t like them anymore, so what’s the other poem? > 🙂 _If finding gifts is hard to do, Mah routing number’ll surely do! I’ll just pour that cashish down your well while you just two-step there a-spell. (Its $50 a pole-dance there as well?) A toaster’s all you’ll get, alas, May it toast your buns! (& chap your ass)_ * * * Wait, you’re still out a toaster! Back to the old drawing board… ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/74 "2013-06-11T00:00:07Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > _If finding gifts is hard to do, > Mah routing number’ll surely do! > I’ll just pour that cashish down your well > while you just two-step there a-spell. > (Its $50 a pole-dance there as well?) > A toaster’s all you’ll get, alas, > May it toast your buns! (& chap your ass)_ > > * * * > > Wait, you’re still out a toaster! > > Back to the old drawing board… Very nice! I don’t mind shelling out for a toaster. Maybe I’ll tuck a fifty in by the heating element so it will catch on fire if they ever actually use it. You can’t put a price on spite! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/75 "2013-06-11T00:01:32Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > I don’t like them anymore, so what’s the other poem? > 🙂 I’m really not sure I should do a third… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/76 "2013-06-11T00:14:00Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Very nice! > I don’t mind shelling out for a toaster. Maybe I’ll tuck a fifty in by the heating element so it will catch on fire if they ever actually use it. You can’t put a price on spite! Its the flavor you know she likes… 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Cubsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/77 "2013-06-11T00:19:01Z")
I’m not normally THIS guy but… I think we did this exact thread, from scratch, literally 2 or 3 weeks ago didn’t we? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/78 "2013-06-11T00:24:30Z")
> [@Cubsfan](#): > > I’m not normally THIS guy but… > > I think we did this exact thread, from scratch, literally 2 or 3 weeks ago didn’t we? Must be June. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/79 "2013-06-11T00:28:29Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Using an online “calculator” that is supposed to help one figure out how much money to give people for weddings, apparently the correct amount is for them to give ME $30! > I’d just be satisfied with a nice toaster though. Perhaps I’ll register! > > My parents were purposely unattached to the local culture, did not share a cultural background, and rejected their own cultural upbringings, thus I am something of a cultural outsider. My friends are not from one particular culture, my significant other panics at the thought of gift-giving, and none of us are religious. You’ve omitted any location data from your profile. What’s wrong with your “local culture”? Wrong color? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550/80 "2013-06-11T00:33:21Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > \You can’t put a price on spite! I think I’m going to have to add that to my future sig line file. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/still-tacky-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/660550.md?page=5)