# Stop arguing with me -- I AGREE WITH YOU! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 1, 2012, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-arguing-with-me-i-agree-with-you/614475 "2012-03-01T19:14:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-arguing-with-me-i-agree-with-you/614475/21 "2012-03-02T02:30:14Z")
Can you ask her if she notices that you two are having communication problems, and if so, why she thinks it’s happening? I’ve found that a lot of the time, just attacking the issue (politely!) can remove the problem…instead of trying to deal with the effects of the problem. This is assuming that you can bring it up tactfully…but directly. -D/a ---
**Author:** ![AnalogSignal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/analogsignal/32/1085_2.png) [@AnalogSignal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnalogSignal)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-arguing-with-me-i-agree-with-you/614475/22 "2012-03-02T02:38:24Z")
> [@smaje1](#): > > What’s the best way to shut them up? Just say, “We are in **violent** agreement.” It gets the point across in a clear, amusing way. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-arguing-with-me-i-agree-with-you/614475/23 "2012-03-02T02:46:53Z")
I had a friend who, when he was going through his political phase (as I called it) would argue with you if you agreed with his position while using differing reasons to get to that position. “I think FDR is the greatest President because of how he conducted WW2.” “I think he’s the greatest because he led us out of the Great Depression.” “No, you’re wrong - it’s his leadership in WW2 that makes him the greatest!” “Yeah, sure. Whatever.” ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-arguing-with-me-i-agree-with-you/614475/24 "2012-03-02T04:56:07Z")
> [@smaje1](#): > > I’ve been assigned a new project at work, which necessitates working very closely with one other person – we’re co-partners on the project. She’s wonderful, a work friend, and I admire her work ethic. > > But when we’re discussing certain facets of the project, she gets kinda hyped up about things. She’ll be arguing her point over and over, even when I have made it clear I agree with her. I don’t have the time to listen to her spouting off about why something needs to be done – I just want to say “Yes, let’s do it” and leave it at that. I feel like she’s trying to justify each and every one of her thoughts – almost like she’s practicing arguing her point with me so she can be better prepared to go argue with the bosses (in case they disagree with her). > > Have you worked with someone like this? What’s the best way to shut them up? Or do I have to just nod my hear a lot until she’s done talking? She may have a self-confidence issue, and is not getting enough feedback from you that you are sufficiently vehemently in agreement with her to reassure her that she is indeed about to do the right thing. What to actually do about that I’m not sure; excessive reassurance is not likely to shut her up either, I’m afraid. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-arguing-with-me-i-agree-with-you/614475/25 "2012-03-02T05:04:39Z")
> [@smaje1](#): > > There may be more at work here. I’m getting the feeling that this person and I communicate in very different ways, and now the challenge is to figure out the best way to get our points across. Have you considered that she might not have _known_ that at the beginning? She may be much like myself: she needs to find a way to communicate a thought in order to have it. It might be talking out loud, writing, or a conversation, but some people (a great many) must express a thought in order to play with it and turn it into something useful. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-arguing-with-me-i-agree-with-you/614475/26 "2012-03-02T05:16:40Z")
It’s not enough that you agree. She wants you to _want_ to agree. The fact that she’s having to _ask_ you if you agree shows that you don’t _really_ agree. _She’s already putting up with as much as she can_ from you. One more instance of that smirking little “oh, yes, now that you mention it I agree with you,” Mister, **AND SHE SWEARS SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE’S GOING TO DO!!!** ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-arguing-with-me-i-agree-with-you/614475/27 "2012-03-02T22:16:23Z")
The person wants “A.” I’ve found that disagreeing with them vehemently by saying, “No, we should do A,” will lead them to say “That’s what I said.” To which you can say, “Oh, good. Then let’s move on.” That way, they get to win. And you get them to shut up. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-arguing-with-me-i-agree-with-you/614475/28 "2012-03-03T00:52:18Z")
> [@smiling\_bandit](#): > > Have you considered that she might not have _known_ that at the beginning? She may be much like myself: she needs to find a way to communicate a thought in order to have it. It might be talking out loud, writing, or a conversation, but some people (a great many) must express a thought in order to play with it and turn it into something useful. I do that too, but I don’t sound like I’m arguing when I do it. And I would explain myself after being asked, as looking at you weird would accomplish nothing. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-arguing-with-me-i-agree-with-you/614475/29 "2012-03-03T15:00:42Z")
> [@as\_u\_wish](#): > > The person wants “A.” I’ve found that disagreeing with them vehemently by saying, “No, we should do A,” will lead them to say “That’s what I said.” To which you can say, “Oh, good. Then let’s move on.” That way, they get to win. And you get them to shut up. Oh! I’ll have to try that one next time. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-arguing-with-me-i-agree-with-you/614475/30 "2012-03-03T15:27:44Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Hmm, you could try being a broken record. > > “Mary, I agree. You’ve convinced me.” > > “Mary, I agree. You’ve convinced me.” > > “Mary, I agree. You’ve convinced me.” > > “Mary, I agree. You’ve convinced me.” > > “Mary, I agree. You’ve convinced me.” > > “Mary, I agree. You’ve convinced me.” That might work, but … She’s fallen down the rabbit hole! Does she try to clarify your points, reply to your comments with a negative, then reasserts her opinion which really conincides with yours, but Mary has to have it stated her way anyway or else you are wrong? not she saying she is a narcissistic egomaniac but she might be. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-arguing-with-me-i-agree-with-you/614475/31 "2012-03-03T19:58:14Z")
> [@smaje1](#): > > I feel like she’s trying to justify each and every one of her thoughts – almost like she’s practicing arguing her point with me so she can be better prepared to go argue with the bosses (in case they disagree with her). Why not explore that possibility? You can phrase it something like, “I’m right there with you, Mary! Why do you bring it up; do you think George is going to push back on this? Why?” You can help her by taking the devil’s-advocate position and letting her make her case, so that she’ll be confident and ready if and when she _does_ have to justify herself to her bosses. Boosting her confidence like this might not be explicitly stated in your job description, but it’s the sort of thing that can make you better co-workers and better friends, if that’s what you want. You sound like you have a sort of “let’s shut up and just get the work done” style. I get it, I’m kind of like that too, but stepping out of your comfort zone when interacting with your colleagues could be good for you as well. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-arguing-with-me-i-agree-with-you/614475.md?page=1)