# Stop being so weird about sex (tmi)
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [December 13, 2007, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907 "2007-12-13T21:16:44Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/1 "2007-12-13T21:16:44Z")
(I put this in the pit originally, but figured it didn’t have enough vitriol.)
There can’t be a single photon of light within a half a mile of the bedroom. Every time we hook up I have to wait for you to finish playing the “kiss and back away” game, as it it makes me want you more. Honey, the time for hard to get is gone. Way gone. Every minute I spend wondering when you’re going to cut the bullshit, I’m also wondering if that other girl–you know, the one with the applebooty–digs me.
We can’t have sex on the couch–that’s _weird._ You very rarely take your shirt off. I can’t finger you. I can’t eat you out. You won’t get on top. You won’t even “bottom from the top.” Seriously, just sit there, I’ll still do all the work. Did I actually just hear “hold on, I gotta check [people.com](http://people.com)?” Blowjob is not a Bond villain.
If you didn’t have such a great ass I’d have been gone the first day. But every day that ass looks a little less nice.
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### Author:  [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/2 "2007-12-13T21:19:48Z")
Gotta ask…what’s an applebooty?
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### Author:  [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/3 "2007-12-13T21:22:06Z")
It’s kind of like a badonkadonk, but firmer.
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### Author:  [@samm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samm)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/4 "2007-12-13T21:22:42Z")
I gotta ask… how does one “bottom from the top”?
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### Author:  [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/5 "2007-12-13T21:22:49Z")
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
If you didn’t have such a great ass I’d have been gone the first day.
[/QUOTE]
Wow, even I think that’s a flimsy excuse for a relationship. Move on.
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### Author:  [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/6 "2007-12-13T21:24:02Z")
It’s not clear this isn’t a relationship? Unless you mean “relationship” in the sense that I have a “relationship” with my dad?
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### Author:  [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/7 "2007-12-13T21:24:35Z")
[QUOTE=samm]
I gotta ask… how does one “bottom from the top”?
[/QUOTE]
Yup, this is new to me too, unless we’re going for the Reverse Cowgirl here.
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### Author:  [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/8 "2007-12-13T21:24:40Z")
A bum that’s shaped like an apple. Nelly started a brand of “Apple Bottom Jeans”, but, IMHO, the models on the page don’t have applebootys. [http://shop.applebottoms.com/nshop/product.php?view=listing§ion=shopwomen&category=Jeans&groupName=Jeans](http://shop.applebottoms.com/nshop/product.php?view=listing§ion=shopwomen&category=Jeans&groupName=Jeans)
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### Author:  [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/9 "2007-12-13T21:25:46Z")
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
It’s not clear this isn’t a relationship? Unless you mean “relationship” in the sense that I have a “relationship” with my dad?
[/QUOTE]
Umm, well, it doesn’t sound like a booty call, that’s for sure!
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### Author:  [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/10 "2007-12-13T21:26:00Z")
If it’s not a relationship, but just a friend with benefits, I’d say you’re not getting much in the benefit department.
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### Author:  [@Wee\_Bairn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wee_Bairn)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/11 "2007-12-13T21:28:34Z")
I take it golden showers are out of the question as well? 🙂
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### Author:  [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/12 "2007-12-13T21:31:24Z")
Bottoming from the top is sort of a BDSM term. Like, you have someone doing things _to_ you but you’re in control because you’re telling them what to do.
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### Author:  [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/13 "2007-12-13T21:32:00Z")
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
It’s not clear this isn’t a relationship? Unless you mean “relationship” in the sense that I have a “relationship” with my dad?
[/QUOTE]
Maybe she knows about that? And is a bit put off?
I’d have a hard time getting \*that \*picture out of my head. Like, if I was a chick and shit.
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### Author:  [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/14 "2007-12-13T21:32:58Z")
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
It’s kind of like a badonkadonk, but firmer.
[/QUOTE]
My two-year old refers to car spoilers as “honkerdonks”; should I be concerned?
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### Author:  [@Swampwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swampwolf)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/15 "2007-12-13T21:33:43Z")
Dude.
Sometimes, the p$$$y ain’t worth it.
Ditch the headgames and get out. Vanilla is _so_ 17th century.
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### Author:  [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/16 "2007-12-13T21:35:02Z")
[QUOTE=Skammer]
My two-year old refers to car spoilers as “honkerdonks”; should I be concerned?
[/QUOTE]
What’s he going to do with all that junk, all that junk…
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### Author:  [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/17 "2007-12-13T21:35:16Z")
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
(I put this in the pit originally, but figured it didn’t have enough vitriol.)
There can’t be a single photon of light within a half a mile of the bedroom. Every time we hook up I have to wait for you to finish playing the “kiss and back away” game, as it it makes me want you more. Honey, the time for hard to get is gone. Way gone. Every minute I spend wondering when you’re going to cut the bullshit, I’m also wondering if that other girl–you know, the one with the applebooty–digs me.
We can’t have sex on the couch–that’s _weird._ You very rarely take your shirt off. I can’t finger you. I can’t eat you out. You won’t get on top. You won’t even “bottom from the top.” Seriously, just sit there, I’ll still do all the work. Did I actually just hear “hold on, I gotta check [people.com](http://people.com)?” Blowjob is not a Bond villain.
If you didn’t have such a great ass I’d have been gone the first day. But every day that ass looks a little less nice.
[/QUOTE]
Run. But first tell her why. Sticking around is pointless, because it’s never going to get better. Trust me.
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### Author:  [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/18 "2007-12-13T21:43:32Z")
I would love to ditch this girl, but I need a way to do it nicely. And…not yet. What sex there is is quite good, but that won’t last. My main problem: she is in constant contact with many ladies I am rather interested in courting and absolutely the type to get offended and spread rumors.
Yeah, I made a mistake. But did I mention how majestic this booty is? And I have an obligation to fulfill.
[QUOTE=Wee Bairn]
I take it golden showers are out of the question as well? 🙂
[/QUOTE]
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/19 "2007-12-13T21:47:20Z")
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
It’s not clear this isn’t a relationship? Unless you mean “relationship” in the sense that I have a “relationship” with my dad?
[/QUOTE]
He won’t get on top either then?
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### Author:  [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)
#### Post date: [December 13, 2007, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-being-so-weird-about-sex-tmi/429907/20 "2007-12-13T21:50:01Z")
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
… What sex there is is quite good…
[/QUOTE]
I’d have never guessed this from the OP
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