# Stop bullying my wife's parents into moving near you, you manipulative bitch of a sister-in-law **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 30, 2015, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374 "2015-03-30T23:07:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Boogly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Boogly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogly)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/61 "2015-04-02T05:44:39Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > SIL is not dropping then issue, despite obvious responses from the parents they would like her to. SIL is constantly picking at an open sore, and believe me, that is her nature: she bullies, threatens and pesters until she gets her way. > > All this does is create tension and discomfort, and as you can see, anger amongst all parties involved. Its just not a healthy situation. Why is there anger from your family and the in-laws? As long as the answer from the in-laws is no it doesn’t matter what SIL says or does. Why is your wife getting so worked up over this? I see no reason for your wife or you to even get slightly emotional over this. What am I missing? ---
**Author:** ![russian\_heel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f05b48/32.png) [@russian\_heel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/russian_heel)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/62 "2015-04-02T07:01:58Z")
SIL makes threats. SIL won’t stop making them after being told “no”. So she is trying to force the issue through persistence, and repeated bullying. What human in their right mind would NOT be angered or upset by this behavior directed at a loved one that they cared about? ---
**Author:** ![russian\_heel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f05b48/32.png) [@russian\_heel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/russian_heel)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/63 "2015-04-02T07:06:45Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > 1. “I’m sorry, this subject is closed.” Smile sweetly. > 2. “I’m sorry, this subject is closed.” Smile sweetly. > 3. “I’ve asked you to drop this subject. If you continue with it, I am going to leave the room / house / hang up the phone / pull over and walk.” Follow through. > > In other words, it’s not a one-person dynamic. She may be the bully, threaten, and pester, but you don’t have to sit there and take it. She does it because it works: she either gets her way or she gets a reaction. Stop feeding the monster. So in other words, just sit back and allow her to badger, threaten and bully and slowly break down her parents into doing something they really don’t want to do? To me, sitting back and allowing this to continue is truly “feeding the monster”—just giving the bully what she wants----her parents living near her in an area where they will not be happy to live in, but have to because they’ve been manipulated into doing so. Would THAT how you would like to spend the last few years of your life? ---
**Author:** ![buddy431](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6a8cbe/32.png) [@buddy431](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddy431)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/64 "2015-04-02T07:16:59Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > So in other words, just sit back and allow her to badger, threaten and bully and slowly break down her parents into doing something they really don’t want to do? > > To me, sitting back and allowing this to continue is truly “feeding the monster”—just giving the bully what she wants----her parents living near her in an area where they will not be happy to live in, but have to because they’ve been manipulated into doing so. > > Would THAT how you would like to spend the last few years of your life? Is there a reason to believe that your parents can’t handle this themselves? It sounds like they are of sound mind. They’ve raised a couple kids. In all likelihood, they know what they are doing. From everything you’re said, it sounds like it’s not your problem, and that you’re not helping by making it your problem. ---
**Author:** ![Boogly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Boogly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogly)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/65 "2015-04-02T08:35:37Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > So in other words, just sit back and allow her to badger, threaten and bully and slowly break down her parents into doing something they really don’t want to do? > > To me, sitting back and allowing this to continue is truly “feeding the monster”—just giving the bully what she wants----her parents living near her in an area where they will not be happy to live in, but have to because they’ve been manipulated into doing so. > > Would THAT how you would like to spend the last few years of your life? This is an addendum to the rule; Don’t feed the trolls. The best reaction to someone who keeps bringing baseless threats/accusations is to not feed them. > [@Dr.Drake](#): > > 1. “I’m sorry, this subject is closed.” Smile sweetly. > 2. “I’m sorry, this subject is closed.” Smile sweetly. > 3. “I’ve asked you to drop this subject. If you continue with it, I am going to leave the room / house / hang up the phone / pull over and walk.” Follow through. Follow this and don’t let the SIL ruin the life of your wife and you and more importantly the life of your in-laws. As long as your in-laws are set to stay it doesn’t matter what the SIL does. As long as what the SIL does there is FUCKIN ZERO reason for your wife, and you, to be stressed. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/66 "2015-04-02T11:39:13Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > The solution is for **heel** and his wife to ensure they have more kids than the SIL, so the attractive force of their grandkids (let’s call it _G_) is greater than theirs. > So **heel** , get busy making sure _G_heel \> _G_SIL > Yes, that’s the only rational solution. 🙂 **MrDibble** , not only is that solution not rational, it could lead to major repercussions and a hyper-inflationary fertility arms race. The only rational solution is to take little Tony and fat Joey hostage for eventual negotiating power in the event SiL kidnaps the in-laws and you need family members to exchange for recovery. > [@Guinastasia](#): > > I wonder what they’ll do if the in-laws decide to become snow-birds and move to Florida! :eek: Hell, no, then I’d be stuck with them! Although, I suppose there could be some fringe benefits to that for me ;). Tell me **OP** , when this MILF really gets cookin’, is she smokin’ hot, if you know that I mean? I mean, I’ve heard that MILPs (Mothers In Law in Pennsylvania) often use a hot smoking method to smoke meat and I’m wondering if she, as a snow-bird MILF (Mother in Law in Florida) would be likely to carry on that tradition. I like smoked meat and that could be a determining factor for me. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/67 "2015-04-02T13:32:33Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > I have no idea what this has to do with the topic at hand, and is a deliberate thread hijack and a possible troll, all of which Omar did not know in his worship of me, because lets face it, he obviously is not very bright. Therefore, instead of reporting him to the Board, allow me to indulge my feeble-minded friend Welcome to the Pit asshole. Dude you are only clowning yourself. Clearly you are the one that’s not so bright. It took all of 5 seconds to search for all the pit threads you’ve started, based upon **Ruken** ’s suggestion. You have a history of creating weak ass rants that no one can really get behind. Go back and read the comments to this and the other pit threads you started. There’s a common theme: you not having a great grasp on reality. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/68 "2015-04-02T14:16:38Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > So in other words, just sit back and allow her to badger, threaten and bully and slowly break down her parents into doing something they really don’t want to do? No. Her parents ALSO have the option of closing the subject, or, if she won’t drop it, of walking away. She can’t badger an empty room. Well, she can if she wants to. But you have given us a clue: you think your parents-in-law will “slowly break down.” Is that because their characters are weak? Is that because this is a pattern you’ve seen before? Is that because… Oh, look! The Drama Llama is galloping down the street! Let’s run out and poke it with sticks! ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/69 "2015-04-02T17:07:52Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > … > > Contestant #2 c’mon down! > You’re the next I’m gonna clown. Saying “next” implies that there is a previous. Having failed at clowning Omar, is there some imaginary soul that you’ve clowned? Or are you including yourself? Look man, the argument is between adults that appear to be able to handle themselves. You’re really worried about the possibility that the in-laws love their grand-kids enough to be bullied into moving. And that means you get less attention. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/70 "2015-04-02T17:30:10Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > No. Her parents ALSO have the option of closing the subject, or, if she won’t drop it, of walking away. She can’t badger an empty room. Well, she can if she wants to. > > \*\*But you have given us a clue: you think your parents-in-law will “slowly break down.” Is that because their characters are weak? Is that because this is a pattern you’ve seen before? \*\*Is that because… > > Oh, look! The Drama Llama is galloping down the street! Let’s run out and poke it with sticks! It’s because bullies tend to wear people down. I can’t believe so many people aren’t understanding the situation. If my Mom were being harassed by _anyone_, you can bet I’d be trying to deflect at least some of it. ---
**Author:** ![russian\_heel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f05b48/32.png) [@russian\_heel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/russian_heel)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/71 "2015-04-02T18:20:16Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Welcome to the Pit asshole. Dude you are only clowning yourself. Clearly you are the one that’s not so bright. It took all of 5 seconds to search for all the pit threads you’ve started, based upon **Ruken** ’s suggestion. > [@](#): > > You have a history of creating weak ass rants that no one can really get behind. Go back and read the comments to this and the other pit threads you started. There’s a common theme: you not having a great grasp on reality. SHHHHHH. There’s adults talking here. Go back outside and play with the other children, run along now. ---
**Author:** ![russian\_heel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f05b48/32.png) [@russian\_heel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/russian_heel)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/72 "2015-04-02T18:24:15Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > It’s because bullies tend to wear people down. > > I can’t believe so many people aren’t understanding the situation. If my Mom were being harassed by _anyone_, you can bet I’d be trying to deflect at least some of it. Not only that, but clearly they arent even reading the OP. :dubious: I already have one poster saying the old people in question are MY parents, when it has been clear the entire thread they are my **wife’s parents**. :smack: Im also reading we are just getting their or Im just getting my wife’s side of the story, when I’ve repeated, serveral times, the SIL said **right in front of both of us** she was going to put them in a home if they didnt move near her, so we are getting both sides of the story. I also cant understand how someone doesnt think it my wife’s business, thats fine if thats someones opinion lets just say Im glad those posters arent my children. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/73 "2015-04-02T18:24:44Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > It’s because bullies tend to wear people down. Bullies wear down people who allow themselves to be worn down. Again, if they are competent adults they can handle it themselves by taking whatever steps are necessary , up to and including ending contact with SIL. They may not want to, but it’s their choice , not the OP’s and not his wife’s. The OP and his wife don’t get to decide what his SIL is willing to do to maintain a relationship with her parents, and they doesn’t get to decide what the parents are willing to do to maintain a relationship with their daughter. That means they don’t get to decide that SIL must bring the kids to PA for any holidays. They don’t get to decide that she must accept her parents visiting for a weekend every month. They don’t get to decide that she must buy a more comfortable sofa bed because FIL refuses to stay at a hotel. They don’t get to decide what the SIL talks about _with her own parents_. They don’t get to decide whether the parents move to NY or stay in PA - even if they know that the parents prefer the climate in PA to that of Rochester. Because competent adults are capable of deciding for themselves that no matter how much they prefer PA, they will move to Rochester to be closer to the grandchildren. People move closer to where their children/grandchildren live all the time- and when the children live in differnt places, it’s not unusual for them to choose the location based on grandchildren. > [@](#): > > I can’t believe so many people aren’t understanding the situation. If my Mom were being harassed by _anyone_, you can bet I’d be trying to deflect at least some of it. Don’t mistake disagreement for a lack of understanding. I’d get involved in my mother’s interpersonal issues on exactly the same basis as I would get involved in my 26 year old daughter’s and I certainly don’t want one of my chldren getting involved with my relationship with the other. It may be that the inlaws \*want \*the OP and his wife involved- but that won’t end well either. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/74 "2015-04-02T18:30:40Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > Im also reading we are just getting their or Im just getting my wife’s side of the story, when I’ve repeated, serveral times, the SIL said **right in front of both of us** she was going to put them in a home if they didnt move near her, so we are getting both sides of the story. I’m not sure if you’re referring to me or not, but just because one or more statements were made in your presence doesn’t mean you know the whole story. ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/75 "2015-04-02T18:36:48Z")
I’d like to hear more about how candy makes you fat. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/76 "2015-04-02T18:53:36Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > SHHHHHH. There’s adults talking here. Go back outside and play with the other children, run along now. > [@russian\_heel](#): > > Not only that, but clearly they arent even reading the OP. :dubious: I recommend you use this same condescending tone when dealing with the SIL. It makes you look good and is sure to convince anyone who disagrees with you. ---
**Author:** ![russian\_heel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f05b48/32.png) [@russian\_heel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/russian_heel)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/77 "2015-04-02T20:12:11Z")
> [@TroutMan](#): > > I recommend you use this same condescending tone when dealing with the SIL. It makes you look good and is sure to convince anyone who disagrees with you. Omar doesnt disagree with me, he just posts references to other threads I started. Some posters have posted things here that are absolutely the opposite of the facts I posted. So they, and now clearly you, can’t read. NEXT. ---
**Author:** ![russian\_heel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f05b48/32.png) [@russian\_heel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/russian_heel)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/78 "2015-04-02T20:15:52Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > I’m not sure if you’re referring to me or not, but just because one or more statements were made in your presence doesn’t mean you know the whole story. Debatable, but either you or someone else posted that Im getting all my information from my wife and her parents, and that is patently false because my SIL said what she said right in front of me. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/79 "2015-04-02T20:20:30Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > Some posters have posted things here that are absolutely the opposite of the facts I posted. So they, and now clearly you, can’t read. > > NEXT. Ouch! BAM! Pwn’d! ---
**Author:** ![russian\_heel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f05b48/32.png) [@russian\_heel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/russian_heel)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2015, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-bullying-my-wifes-parents-into-moving-near-you-you-manipulative-bitch-of-a-sister-in-law/716374/80 "2015-04-02T20:25:57Z")
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