# Stop looking at me! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 21, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403 "2003-11-21T00:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Daerlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Daerlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daerlyn)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/1 "2003-11-21T00:34:33Z")
All right, here’s the situation: I work in a warehouse. I am a systems clerk, so do not do much (if any) physical work on a regular basis. I also spend a fair amount of time in the front office, where business casual is the standard in attire. This warehouse, like most places chock-full of opportunities for unskilled labour (not that I have anything against unskilled labour, I was doing it myself about five years ago), employs a whole lot of young people. Specifically, a whole lot of young men. And sadly, some of them are a little behind on the social skills. Commence rant: Listen, you. Yeah, _you_, the one with the eyes glued to my ass. I realise that I’m probably one of the more attractive women in your age group in this place. But you know what? Get over it! The fact that you stop working whenever I walk by to turn and watch me walk is fucking disturbing. And it’s not like you actually try to hit on me or anything. Nope, just stare. A co-worker thought it was because I was wearing a skirt today. Well, you and I both know that this ain’t so, because first of all, the skirt wasn’t that bloody short, and second of all, you do this every goddamned day! Even the weekends, when the front office is closed and I come in wearing crappy jeans and a sweatshirt! What the hell is your diagnosis? Did your parents teach you that women were to be worshipped so you’re now seized with some sort of theological paralysis at my passing? Are you trying to be Humphrey Bogart’s strong, silent type? Are you mute? Is this going to require some kind of heavy blunt instrument on my part? I can’t call him on sexual harrassment, I don’t think. In all honesty, he doesn’t leer, he’s never touched me, nor does he make any remarks. I don’t even know the guy’s name. But damn, being impassively stared at everytime I walk past the receiving area is creeping the shit out of me. Steam blown off, you may return to your normally scheduled Pitting. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/2 "2003-11-21T00:39:04Z")
:: stares at **Daerlyn** :: :: licks lips :: :: stares some more :: ---
**Author:** ![Daerlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Daerlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daerlyn)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/3 "2003-11-21T00:44:03Z")
How did I not see _that_ one coming? :wally: ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/4 "2003-11-21T00:45:49Z")
Sadly, I was beaten to it. Oh well. :: stares anyway, for good measure :: You ever consider putting messages on your ass for him to read? You know, “You’re creepy, leave the fuck off!” or something like that? ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/5 "2003-11-21T00:57:37Z")
Feisty, eh? I like that. :: checks out **Daerlyn** ’s ass :: Damn, girl, you got fries to go with that shake? Mmmm-MMM!! ---
**Author:** ![Daerlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Daerlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daerlyn)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/6 "2003-11-21T01:10:52Z")
**Eonwe** , the thought has crossed my mind, but I think that would just be encouraging. Not to mention that I would then have _more_ people staring at me. Eugh. **Giraffe** , if only he would cross that line. Then I could haul off and deck him one. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/7 "2003-11-21T01:22:39Z")
**Daerlyn** , now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, I’ll make a serious suggestion – every time you catch him staring at you, make direct eye contact. You don’t have to stop or say anything, but if every time he stares at your breasts he looks up to see you looking right at him, he’ll realize he’s busted and hopefully stop doing it. Most starers will only do it if they think they aren’t going to be noticed. A few, though, are just incorrigible. The best thing to do is just ignore them – they’re losers, anyway. :: stares at **Daerlyn** :: :: licks lips :: ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/8 "2003-11-21T01:32:32Z")
How _you_ doin’? ---
**Author:** ![TPWombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TPWombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TPWombat)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/9 "2003-11-21T01:33:48Z")
I think it would be a _very bad_ idea for anyone to say that they “like a girl with spirit”. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/10 "2003-11-21T01:49:13Z")
Deosn’t Maery have an appropriate short you can borrow? I think I remember her wearing one of those “Stop staring at my breasts” written across the chest shirts. But, I feel for you. Does he at least look at your face when talking to you? ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/11 "2003-11-21T02:01:46Z")
I’ve found that a bright, _loud_ HELLO! works wonders to get starers to cut that shit out. Usually they’re too big of pussies to actually _converse_ with you, if all they do is stare. Besides, they’re not expecting it, so they’re usually shocked out of their staring stupor. And with any luck, extremely embarrased. ---
**Author:** ![Daerlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Daerlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daerlyn)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/12 "2003-11-21T02:05:11Z")
**Giraffe** , this is my next plan. I’m busily perfecting the Claire Huxtable ‘Stare for all Occasions’ for the next time I encounter him. **Ilsa** : I refuse to dignify that with an actual sarcastic remark. 🙂 **TPWombat** : You may like all the spirit you want. You may even like mine. As long as I don’t notice. 🙂 **Laur** : Like I don’t have enough shirts of my own with similar sentiments on them. 😃 I don’t know if he’ll look me in the eye while talking to me. We have never exchanged so much as a ‘Good Morning’. Like I said, I don’t even know his name. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/13 "2003-11-21T02:07:24Z")
Of course, if the HELLO! tactic doesn’t work, there’s always the: “Hey assmonkey! Yeah you with the bug eyes! What, were you raised in a fucking barn or something? Didn’t your mama ever tell you that it’s RUDE to stare! Get some fucking manners!” I’d save that one for emergencies though. No one wants to be known as the “wherehouse bitch” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Daerlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Daerlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daerlyn)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/14 "2003-11-21T02:07:48Z")
**lezlers** : what a good idea. That actually never occurred to me. Unfortunately, I’m . . . not anti-social, _per se_, but actually going out of my way to talk to people I don’t know just rubs me the wrong way. I’ll think about it. It may take working up to. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/15 "2003-11-21T02:11:23Z")
Yeah, I used to be shy too. That was before I started working in a union hall. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/16 "2003-11-21T04:09:03Z")
:dubious: ---
**Author:** ![tiggeril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggeril/32/7234_2.png) [@tiggeril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiggeril)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/17 "2003-11-21T05:18:39Z")
_licks Daer_ ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/18 "2003-11-21T05:19:08Z")
MY advice: What this is intended to acccomplish is to change his behavior without making the situationa adversarial or putting him in a position where he feels he is losing face. So you go in with the attitude that, hey, he doesn’t know that this bugs you because if he knew that then _of course_ he wouldn’t do it, right? So note that all of this has to be done in tones of pleasant inquiry and friendliness – you’re bright and matter-of-fact but, darn it, you’re puzzled. Do NOT say it belligerently or as if you’re pissed off. Next time he does it, stop dead and say, _genuinely_, “Did you want something?” [He’ll look startled and go, “What?”] YOU: “I asked, did you want something? Because every time I walk by you stop work and stare at me, and so I figured you must want to say something to me, because if you were just _staring_ at me, well, that would really creep me out.” (Remember, you’re saying this matter-of-factly and _pleasantly_.) He will mumble something, and then you need to give him an out: “Well, don’t worry about it. Listen, what’s your name? I’m Daeryn.” Smile and chat him up for a minute, and then leave. Every time you walk by him from then on, greet him by name: “Hi, Staring Guy! How are you today?” What you’re trying to do is to make him understand that you are a real person, not just some abstract “girl” he can stare at; to let him know _nicely_ that he has been making you uncomfortable; and to reinforce that he needs to treat you as an individual, with a minimum level of respect. You don’t have to be his best friend, or even his friend at all, but you may be able to diffuse the situation by subtly reinforcing that you are a living breathing coworker, not some form of moving entertainment. If he still does it, then you’ll have to decide whether he’s just a total moron of if he’s intentionally disrespecting you. If it’s the latter, then you’ll in turn have to decide if you can live with it, or if it pisses you off to the point that you think management should be involved. There’s obvious pitfalls to taking it to that level, the chief one being that you’ll be taken for some over-sensitive “girl” who’s making a mountain out of a molehill. (“See! This is why chicks shouldn’t work in warehouses!”) But make no mistake – if his actions are _intended_ to make you feel uncomfortable in your work place due to your gender, then he _is_ sexually harrassing you. Whether they are in fact _intentional_ and whether you can live with it – that’s of course your call. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/19 "2003-11-21T17:02:08Z")
Ass pictures, please. ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403/20 "2003-11-21T17:10:16Z")
Is it just one person ogling your assets, or the whole young male contingent of warehouse workers? If it’s the former, I think he needs a lesson in subtlety (in case you were wondering - we _all_ look on occasion.) If the latter, then I’m afraid I’m going to have to see for myself what all fuss is about. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-looking-at-me/214403.md?page=2)