# Stop telling God what to do, please
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [November 29, 2001, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867 "2001-11-29T04:43:48Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@freshmeat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freshmeat)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/1 "2001-11-29T04:43:48Z")
“God bless America”
I wonder if I’m the only one that finds this a bit rude and presumptuous. Commanding a god to do something when you are but a mere mortal never seems to be a good idea.
Cut it out, OK? I don’t want to peel your silly bumper sticker off your car, but I will if I have to.
The end, by freshmeat.
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### Author:  [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/2 "2001-11-29T04:46:19Z")
Um, what do you say when someone sneezes?
Bob Bless you?
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### Author:  [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/3 "2001-11-29T04:49:34Z")
“Lord, if it be Thy will, bless this person who has just sneezed; or, if it be Thy will, smite this person who has just sneezed; but in all things, Lord, Thy will be done, and none shall dare to question Thy justice and Thy wisdom. Amen.”
You kinda get funny looks when you use that one, though, especially in a work-type setting.
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### Author:  [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/4 "2001-11-29T04:50:31Z")
I’d like to have god in a cage. I could feed him bannana flavored pellets and make him dance.
I bet god could do a better jesus dance ™ than jesus could.
* * *
Comon on, try to send me to hell. I’ll take a few of you with me.
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### Author:  [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/5 "2001-11-29T04:56:21Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by freshmeat \*
> \*\*“God bless America”
>
> I wonder if I’m the only one that finds this a bit rude and presumptuous. Commanding a god to do something when you are but a mere mortal never seems to be a good idea.
>
> Cut it out, OK? I don’t want to peel your silly bumper sticker off your car, but I will if I have to.
>
> The end, by freshmeat. \*\*
Peel the bumper sticker off my car, and I will stick it to your appendix through the not-fun-for-you route.
Don’t fuck with other people’s stuff, you will end up in a bad way.
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### Author:  [@freshmeat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freshmeat)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/6 "2001-11-29T05:10:37Z")
**MEBuckner** - That is awesome - I love it! Now if only I can remember the whole darn thing the next time someone sneezes…
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### Author:  [@Sylkyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylkyn)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/7 "2001-11-29T05:17:10Z")
My great uncle used to feel the same way about those words. He always respected and liked Red Skelton for his parting words:
“…and may God bless…”
meaning, if he should take a hankering, I sure do hope God blesses everyone.
It’s not presumptious, nor pretentious.
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### Author:  [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/8 "2001-11-29T06:20:10Z")
> [@](#):
>
> I wonder if I’m the only one that finds this a bit rude and presumptuous.
Funny, I’m wondering if maybe annointing yourself as the arbiter of what [your deity here] thinks is rude and presumptuous is a bit rude and presumptuous.
And the correct statement to make when somebody sneezes is “Eww! Snot!”
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### Author:  [@PosterChild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PosterChild)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/9 "2001-11-29T06:33:38Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by freshmeat \*
> \*\*“God bless America”
>
> I wonder if I’m the only one that finds this a bit rude and presumptuous. Commanding a god to do something when you are but a mere mortal never seems to be a good idea.
>
> Cut it out, OK? I don’t want to peel your silly bumper sticker off your car, but I will if I have to.
>
> The end, by freshmeat. \*\*
But it’s **not** a command. As with most things theological, it has many layers, but bascially, it says that we **know** that God blesses America, because we’re big, beautiful, and above all we’re God’s f-cking people in the best God-damn country in the world, and if you don’t like it you can you-know-what.
Pardon me [sniff] I just got carried away there. Anyway, we’re Right (with a capital R) and that’s why God is on our side. (or vice versa.)
PC
😉
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### Author:  [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/10 "2001-11-29T06:39:49Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Syzygy \*
> \*\*Um, what do you say when someone sneezes?
>
> Bob Bless you? \*\*
Well, if you’re a Subgenius, yes.
Although it’s pronouced “Bob”.
---
### Author:  [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/11 "2001-11-29T06:40:34Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by SilkyThreat \*
> \*\*My great uncle used to feel the same way about those words. He always respected and liked Red Skelton for his parting words:
>
> “…and may God bless…”
>
> meaning, if he should take a hankering, I sure do hope God blesses everyone.
>
> It’s not presumptious, nor pretentious. \*\*
Read a guest column in a news magazine (Time or Newsweek) a few years ago written by a woman who met Red after a performance. She came up to him, shook his hand, and said “God bless you, Mr. Skelton.”
His response: “No, no, my child. We must never assume God will bless us; we can only ask that he do so.” It reminded her that he always ended his shows with “…and _may_ God bless.” Classy guy, that Red.
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### Author:  [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/12 "2001-11-29T07:31:38Z")
> [@](#):
>
> But it’s not a command. As with most things theological, it has many layers, but bascially, it says that we know that God blesses America, because we’re big, beautiful, and above all we’re God’s f-cking people in the best God-damn country in the world, and if you don’t like it you can you-know-what.
> [snip]
>
> Anyway, we’re Right (with a capital R) and that’s why God is on our side. (or vice versa.)
Spare me the self-righteous fucking horseshit.
Sam
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### Author:  [@sirjamesp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sirjamesp)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/13 "2001-11-29T08:46:52Z")
“God Save the Queen”
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### Author:  [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/14 "2001-11-29T12:24:29Z")
Hmm … I thought the “may” was kinda implied.
“[May] God bless [object].”
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### Author:  [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/15 "2001-11-29T15:09:13Z")
Two other options in response to a sneeze:
> [@](#):
>
> Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen.
> [Madrak, in _Creatures of Light and Darkness_ (Roger Zelazny)]
or
> [@](#):
>
> **Gesundheit.**
Your choice.
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### Author:  [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/16 "2001-11-29T15:19:00Z")
People who tell God what to do make the baby Jesus cry.
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### Author:  [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/17 "2001-11-29T15:19:54Z")
Dammit. I thought I’d go for the quick jab, and **MEBuckner** comes through with the knockout punch. I’d have thought of something better than “Bob Bless you,” like “May the sprits of the upper respiratory maintain the clarity of your nasal passages.” Oh well.
[sub]Is a Subgenius one who writes with this sort of text?[/sub]
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### Author:  [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/18 "2001-11-29T15:29:27Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by GaWd \*
> \*\*
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > But it’s not a command. As with most things theological, it has many layers, but bascially, it says that we know that God blesses America, because we’re big, beautiful, and above all we’re God’s f-cking people in the best God-damn country in the world, and if you don’t like it you can you-know-what.
> > [snip]
> >
> > Anyway, we’re Right (with a capital R) and that’s why God is on our side. (or vice versa.)
>
> Spare me the self-righteous fucking horseshit.
>
> Sam \*\*
Did anyone else hear a whoosing noise overhead?
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### Author:  [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/19 "2001-11-29T15:31:48Z")
When people “God bless” my ladylike little sneezes, I smile and thank them, of course, after putting away my lace-trimmed hankie.
But I confess to be a bit gobsmacked by the recent blizzard of “God Bless America” signs metastasizing all over the place since the 11th . . . Can’t help but think of all the “Allah Bless Afghanistan” signs in THEIR country and wonder what’s the difference (“OUR knee-jerk religious fundamentalism is OK; it’s just YOUR knee-jerk religious fundamentalism that’s evil!”). Not that I would ever suggest anyone take their litle sign down if it gives them a warm fuzzy feeling . . . Just that some of us get a bit creeped-out by it, is all.
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### Author:  [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2001, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-telling-god-what-to-do-please/95867/20 "2001-11-29T15:34:06Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by betenoir \*
> \*\*
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > \*Originally posted by Syzygy \*
> > \*\*Um, what do you say when someone sneezes?
> >
> > Bob Bless you? \*\*
>
> Well, if you’re a Subgenius, yes.
>
> Although it’s pronouced “Bob”. \*\*
I’m a subgenius. Hell, I’m even a subnormal.
Not a subversive tho’. Can’t stand those subversives.
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