# Stop touching my belly. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 8, 2005, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733 "2005-01-08T09:23:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/21 "2005-01-08T19:01:27Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Next, get ready for the anonymous strangers who will try to touch your new infant. Grrrr. I was just about to post this. I’ve never been closer to physically lashing out at a perfect stranger than when they would come up and touch/rub/tickle my newborn babies. I think we’ve had this conversation on the Dope before, and in my opinion, it’s remarkably similar to how a husband might react to having a stranger come up to you in a department store, fondle your wife’s breasts and say, “You have such a lovely wife!”. GRRR. Don’t touch me OR my children. ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/22 "2005-01-08T19:14:55Z")
Just once, can’t one of these be about people who hate having their bellies rubbed for luck? Cuz I’m ready to pile on with that one. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/23 "2005-01-08T19:17:46Z")
**Verminary** , I’ll echo the chorus that sings about how beautiful that was. I laughed, I cried, I can’t wait to see the movie! I sincerely hope, that if there are any actual ‘without permission touchers’ on the board, that they’ve learned their lesson. If not, maybe they’re looking for some DORRANCE #5 STAINLESS STEEL HOOKS to replace their ordinary old hands. So see, in that case you’ll be helping out humanity by making them happy. I say sic 'em. And I can’t wait to read more of what you write. Perhaps you’re really some famous pregnant author in disguise. I think I’ll Google now. ~faithfool, who’s never touched _anyone_ without asking (a pet or anything else for that matter either) ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/24 "2005-01-08T19:19:35Z")
When I was pregnant with my first, I was out at a comedy club with some friends on Halloween. A Drunken man dressed as Pee-Wee Herman came up to me, caressed my belly, and asked “How’s the child?” Out of reflex, I punched him square in the nose. Hurt my hand, but it hurt his nose more. Sweet **av8rmike** , who is a local and good friend, wanted to touch when I was pregnant with the new baby, but was too shy to ask. So he says. I think he was afraid of me punching him. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/25 "2005-01-08T19:20:55Z")
Oooh, _thank_ you. I am not now nor have I ever been pregnant, but I just can’t _stand_ the rudeness of some people. It’s like once you get knocked up you have no more personal space, you’ve become public property. And the _questions_ people ask! I mean, if you _want_ to talk about cervical mucous or dreadful labor stories, fine, but people just walk up and _give_ 'em to you! And then once you have the baby and everybody has an opinion on what you ought do with your own breast milk and how you should sleep or not sleep with _your_ baby? Good lord, where do some people get the nerve?! ---
**Author:** ![ShadiRoxan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@ShadiRoxan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShadiRoxan)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/26 "2005-01-08T19:39:13Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Oooh, _thank_ you. I am not now nor have I ever been pregnant, but I just can’t _stand_ the rudeness of some people. It’s like once you get knocked up you have no more personal space, you’ve become public property. And the _questions_ people ask! I mean, if you _want_ to talk about cervical mucous or dreadful labor stories, fine, but people just walk up and _give_ 'em to you! And then once you have the baby and everybody has an opinion on what you ought do with your own breast milk and how you should sleep or not sleep with _your_ baby? Good lord, where do some people get the nerve?! I don’t like hearing gross things in the first place. It’s like people feel it’s their duty to tell me all these horror stories. I didn’t want to hear them before I got pregnant. I sure as hell don’t want to hear them now. And the next person that says to me “You know what’ll help that? Cocoa butter!” is getting his or her head bashed into a wall. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/27 "2005-01-08T19:42:13Z")
> [@ShadiRoxan](#): > > And the next person that says to me “You know what’ll help that? Cocoa butter!” is getting his or her head bashed into a wall. “You know what’ll help that? NOTHING! Especially not walking around smelling like a coconut macaroon! Fuck off!” ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/28 "2005-01-08T19:59:43Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Next, get ready for the anonymous strangers who will try to touch your new infant. Grrrr. I am in complete agreement. Women, especially, seem to feel that it’s okay to handle any baby that’s being carried about by a man. Women I didn’t know would come up and want to hold the baby, sometimes even reaching in without asking. I’m 6’4" tall (_without_ the boots and cowboy hat) and 250 pounds, and a withering stare was usually enough to put a stop to it. If not, a polite “Please don’t touch the baby” in a monotone about an octave below my normal (already deep) voice did the job. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/29 "2005-01-08T22:43:35Z")
> [@InvisibleWombat](#): > > I’m 6’4" tall (_without_ the boots and cowboy hat) and 250 pounds, and a withering stare was usually enough to put a stop to it. If not, a polite “Please don’t touch the baby” in a monotone about an octave below my normal (already deep) voice did the job. /fanning self with kleenex Lawsy, this thread has everything! ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/30 "2005-01-08T23:28:33Z")
Let’s also put an end to total strangers asking you if you’re going to breastfeed, and if you’re going to have “natural” labor. And while we’re at it, I got damned annoyed at people looking at me and remarking about me as if I were about to be towed back to sea by a bunch of animal-lovers. “My God! You’re enormous!” That sort of thing. Some people have no class. (You, though–YOU have class. Nicely done.) Best, karol ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2005, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/31 "2005-01-09T01:55:32Z")
> [@bodypoet](#): > > Let’s also put an end to total strangers asking you if you’re going to breastfeed, and if you’re going to have “natural” labor. Agreed. Feel free to just say ,“nunya” when they ask these types of questions. That’s short for “None of your damn business.” 😃 Ooh, I hate the baby police, the breastfeeding zealouts, and the “natural” labor freaks. Fine, if _you_ are the one having the baby, _you_ can have those opinions, but please don’t try to force them on every pregnant mother you speak to. People have different needs, wants, and abilities, and we can’t all give birth in a bathtub of water, free of drugs, with only the aid of a doula. It does not make us failures at childbirth. ---
**Author:** ![Searching\_For\_Truth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@Searching\_For\_Truth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Searching_For_Truth)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2005, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/32 "2005-01-09T05:11:16Z")
I just wanted to say that this is the best Pit thread I’ve read in ages. Thank you everyone. _wipes tear from eyes_ Awesome OP. I can’t imagine why people would think it’s ok to randomly approach and touch a belly or an infant. I love making faces or waving at children but I would never touch a child I don’t know unless I was guiding him or her back to a parent, (and then only touching shoulders gently), or preventing them from harming themselves, etc. ---
**Author:** ![chaparralv8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@chaparralv8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaparralv8)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2005, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/33 "2005-01-09T05:36:04Z")
> [@Marlitharn](#): > > Or do like I did and take a 6’8", 375 lb, scary looking hairy husband with you everywhere you go. Guard, tackle, center, or defensive end? ---
**Author:** ![Verminary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/71e660/32.png) [@Verminary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Verminary)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2005, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/34 "2005-01-10T03:43:39Z")
> [@marlitharn](#): > > Or do like I did and take a 6’8", 375 lb, scary looking hairy husband with you everywhere you go. I’m training mine to loom over me and say, “Her last baby came out sideways…” One of these days I’ll get him to do the _SKNGGXXXHH_, too. I had one of those “what did I _do_ last night?!” moments the morning after I started this thread, but now I am much improved. And amused. The rainy weather out here makes my hands achy, though, and I don’t have much to say as it is, but I’ll be around. > [@evilcaptor](#): > > So … I’m guessing that touching your breasts is right out? You’ll shoot your eye out, kid. ---
**Author:** ![Zap\_Rowsdower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3da27b/32.png) [@Zap\_Rowsdower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zap_Rowsdower)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2005, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/35 "2005-01-10T04:40:40Z")
This is so odd that I cannot believe it actually happens so often. I can’t comprehend seeing someone at the store and feeling compelled to touch them anywhere. I had a co-worker once who took my hand and put it on her belly so I could feel the baby kick. I was extremely uncomfortable and felt kind of wierd about it, but it was no big deal. So is it mostly women who do this? If a man did that my first thought would be that he must be some kind of pervert or something. ---
**Author:** ![EmeraldGrue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dc4da7/32.png) [@EmeraldGrue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmeraldGrue)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2005, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/36 "2005-01-10T06:00:55Z")
**Verminary** , I…I…think I love you. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2005, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/37 "2005-01-10T06:35:01Z")
I am absolutely stunned by this phenomenon. I think the next time I see an attractive woman with a delightfully flat, sculpted tummy, I’ll just saunter over and give it a good pawing. Should be perfectly acceptable, right? Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Girl)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2005, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/38 "2005-01-10T09:08:44Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Next time someone touches your belly without permission, get some tears to well up in your eyes and say “It’s dead…” **Otto** , this is pure evil. Keep up the good work. 😉 **Verminary** , amazing rant! You were born to Dope. I only wish I could rant like that. You need to work on your growling technique. It’s quite effective for the other species and I can’t understand why we ever graduated from it. Nothing says Go. The. Fuck. Away. quite like a low, menacing growl. At first, they won’t believe what they just heard. It will confuse their shriveled excuses for brains. But as your unexpected growl becomes more persistent and unnerving, true fear will bloom in their breast. For supreme effect, bare your teeth. That ought to be just about enough to make them back off slowly and carefully (the desired effect, of course). I doubt they would ever deign to step within a five-foot radius of you in the future. I, for one, would welcome an update on how many groping puss-buckets you scare the bejesus out of with this technique. After a rant like that, I do believe you could pull it off with aplomb. ---
**Author:** ![Lazlo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lazlo/32/9678_2.png) [@Lazlo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazlo)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2005, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/39 "2005-01-10T16:15:00Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > I think the next time I see an attractive woman with a delightfully flat, sculpted tummy, I’ll just saunter over and give it a good pawing. Should be perfectly acceptable, right? Sheesh. Well, if you can live with sexual harassment charges and sore nads, it’s actually kind of fun. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2005, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733/40 "2005-01-10T16:31:53Z")
I join the adulating throng in praising this post, bravo! I especially loved the “pinch their heads off and flick it across the room to stick like a giant bloody booger” line. I laughed, I cried, I may even have peed a little. If there isn’t such a thing already maybe there would be a market for maternity shirts warning people away. Instead of those cutesy-wutesy t-shirts that say “Baby on Board” or “Baby Under Construction” you could have a pic of a big snarling grin with nasty pointy teeth and the words “Don’t Touch, It Bites!”. Or how about a pistol pointing out and the words “Don’t Touch! Fetus is armed and dangerous!”. “Warning, don’t touch! This bulge is not a baby, I’m smuggling pit bulls”\* \*Patent Pending. Then again I’m probably too lazy or busy for this so if anyone uses those ideas I expect some royalties. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stop-touching-my-belly/283733.md?page=3)