# "str8" men **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 5, 2011, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103 "2011-12-05T05:13:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Shawn\_K\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Shawn\_K\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shawn_K_1)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103/41 "2011-12-06T01:31:47Z")
I’m more curious why so many gay men I’ve met have the “gay accent”. Obviously it’s a bit of stereotype but I’ve met more than few that have it, not sure if it’s been natural or put on for all of them but for the men that do have that particular manner naturally of speech what causes it? ---
**Author:** ![boytyperanma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@boytyperanma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boytyperanma)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103/42 "2011-12-06T02:03:12Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > And to answer the OP’s question, it’s pretty simple: men generally have higher sex drives than women, and women are also generally more selective about who they’ll have sex with than men are. That leads to a large surplus of men who want to have sex but don’t have or can’t find an available and willing woman (they may even have wives/girlfriends from whom they just aren’t getting enough), and they seek out men for sex. Yet at the end of the day, they still like and prefer women sexually, so they consider themselves straight or “str8”. What’s the mystery? I’m not sure how many times it needs to be pointed out, lack of heterosexual sex does not lead heterosexuals to engage in homosexual behaviors. It leads to masturbation. If a heterosexual chooses to have homosexual relations chances are they aren’t 100% heterosexual to begin with. To the OP men who have sex with other men yet claim to be straight do so because of shame. We still live in a deeply homophobic society and the fact men engage in homosexual sex yet will not admit to being bisexual or homosexual is a sign of that. Sexualities other then heterosexual are demonized and many would rather lie to themselves and others then be associated as a member of the demonized class. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103/43 "2011-12-06T02:18:51Z")
because str8 guys are hawt!!!111! Seriously, it’s lame. They put that they are str8 or only want to be with str8 guys because it’s hotter to them. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103/44 "2011-12-06T02:42:15Z")
> [@Shawn\_K\_1](#): > > I’m more curious why so many gay men I’ve met have the “gay accent”. Obviously it’s a bit of stereotype but I’ve met more than few that have it, not sure if it’s been natural or put on for all of them but for the men that do have that particular manner naturally of speech what causes it? It was here on the Dope that I first encountered the term “[sociolect](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociolect).” According to the Wikipedia article, it is: > [@](#): > > …a variety of language (a dialect) associated with a social group such as a socioeconomic class, an ethnic group, an age group, etc…involve both passive acquisition of particular communicative practices through association with a local community, as well as active learning and choice among speech or writing forms to demonstrate identification with particular groups. Which made me realize that I have one as well. I’m a computer geek, and most people would easily pick me out from my voice because I _sound_ like a computer geek. I suspect this is one of the reasons I have had such excellent luck with speech recognition software - most of the people who write it talk like me. I doubt the gay sociolect is any more intentionally put on than my geek speak. It’s just a side effect of being part of a social group. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103/45 "2011-12-06T02:49:40Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > It was here on the Dope that I first encountered the term “[sociolect](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociolect).” According to the Wikipedia article, it is: > > Which made me realize that I have one as well. I’m a computer geek, and most people would easily pick me out from my voice because I _sound_ like a computer geek. I suspect this is one of the reasons I have had such excellent luck with speech recognition software - most of the people who write it talk like me. > > I doubt the gay sociolect is any more intentionally put on than my geek speak. It’s just a side effect of being part of a social group. As a gay man who has a bit of the gay sociolect, I will agree that it’s not a conscious decision. Some guys ham it up in certain circumstances and then COMPLETELY change in different situations. For example, one of my best friends in college was very, very gay (cheerleader and all), and his voice would be recognized as “gay” by most people. However, his professional voice mail message sounded almost NOTHING like him, because in his professional life, he completely changed the way he talked. Even I will speak with a different tone of voice when I’m on the phone with my grandparents or my dad, or professionals. It’s just… natural! No other way to describe it. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103/46 "2011-12-06T02:57:54Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#): > > I’m not sure how many times it needs to be pointed out, lack of heterosexual sex does not lead heterosexuals to engage in homosexual behaviors. It leads to masturbation. It doesn’t matter how many times you point it out, because it’s wrong. For cites see: prison, submarines, any other situation where normally straight men are isolated from women for extended periods of time. Especially with prison, many men who have had gay relations on the “inside” go on to pursue exclusively straight relationships again on the “outside”. Even under normal circumstances, incidence of gay (male) sexual behavior far exceeds the percentage of men who identify as gay or bisexual. While it may be true that many such men are simply ashamed to admit to their preferences, a man doesn’t have to _prefer_ men sexually, or even be really attracted to men to have sex with them… he only has to be not repulsed by it enough for the pleasure to exceed whatever repulsion he may feel. Getting a blowjob still feels pretty good, physically, regardless of the gender of the person giving it. If a man is willing to _tolerate_ getting one from a man, even though he would greatly prefer a woman to be doing it - does that make him gay? Maybe you would call him bi, and you’d have justification for doing so, but he may very well still consider _himself_ straight. And you can say he’s in denial all day long, but my point is that it’s really not that odd or difficult to understand (nor is it nearly as unusual as you seem to think). ---
**Author:** ![Shawn\_K\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Shawn\_K\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shawn_K_1)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103/47 "2011-12-06T03:12:52Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > It was here on the Dope that I first encountered the term “[sociolect](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociolect).” According to the Wikipedia article, it is: > > I doubt the gay sociolect is any more intentionally put on than my geek speak. It’s just a side effect of being part of a social group. > [@drewtwo99](#): > > As a gay man who has a bit of the gay sociolect, I will agree that it’s not a conscious decision. Some guys ham it up in certain circumstances and then COMPLETELY change in different situations. > > For example, one of my best friends in college was very, very gay (cheerleader and all), and his voice would be recognized as “gay” by most people. However, his professional voice mail message sounded almost NOTHING like him, because in his professional life, he completely changed the way he talked. > > Even I will speak with a different tone of voice when I’m on the phone with my grandparents or my dad, or professionals. It’s just… natural! No other way to describe it. Interesting stuff, thanks for sharing. ---
**Author:** ![Igrapeape](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Igrapeape](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Igrapeape)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103/48 "2011-12-06T04:02:42Z")
Um Maggie, it’s not “if you have one homosexual experience you are therefore gay” It’s said drive a truck once and you ain’t a truck driver, but suck one dick and you’re a cocksucker for life" The DL is mostly for African Americans, and if you want a cite for that it’s all over. Aids in the str8 African American community is going up at an alarming rate. There was a long show on NPR the other day so that’s where i heard the stats and such from. The joke has been around forever. > [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](#): > > Pretty much, starting with admitting the > > desire to do it to themselves. > > There’s a phrase that I’ve heard guys use “You only have to go to the moon once, but you’re an astronaut all your life” - ie, if you have one homosexual experience, you are Therefore Gay. > > It sounds pretty stupid to me, honestly. But that kind of mentality makes guys who, if they had the freedom to acknowledge it to themselves and to others, would be somewhat in the middle of the Kinsey scale, panic and decide that they Must Be Straight! Or else! > > Which in turn leads to things like gay-bashing, and Ted Haggard, and all sorts of nastiness. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103/49 "2011-12-06T04:37:51Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > Because you don’t have to be gay to have ‘gay’ sex? There’s a reasonably strong correlation. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103/50 "2011-12-06T05:49:00Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Naxos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/50afbb/32.png) [@Naxos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Naxos)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103/51 "2011-12-06T05:53:27Z")
> [@oogie](#): > > why do so many so-called str8 men fool around with other men yet deny it to themselves and others?\* > \* Labels are for the mindless and the insecure. Sexuality is a biological process, therefore natural - as long as consent is established. The rest is the outcome of the mass neurotic mental dysfunction of the UK Victorian era. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103/52 "2011-12-06T06:25:37Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Still, it doesn’t explain why the actual college stereotype is usually women experimenting. Maybe just because they’re okay with admitting it? Because men do their experimenting in high school. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103/53 "2011-12-06T07:36:24Z")
> [@t-bonham@scc.net](#): > > Because men do their experimenting in high school. You kid, but, come to think of it, I know of more guys who came out in high school than in college. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/str8-men/605103.md?page=2)