# Straight Dope Advice **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 29, 2001, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-advice/78631 "2001-08-29T00:28:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2001, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-advice/78631/21 "2001-08-30T19:08:46Z")
I like what **Icefalcon** said about going skinny-dipping with your wife. Isn’t there some kind of psychological thingy called transference or something, where you use one thing to relate to another? So if you think about your friend naked, you should go jump your wife, and eventually your head will get the idea that “think of friend naked=sex with wife”; no worries! ---
**Author:** ![Free\_Refill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ccd318/32.png) [@Free\_Refill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Free_Refill)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2001, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-advice/78631/22 "2001-08-30T19:33:56Z")
I guess that I was being to subtle when I said that it just “started” with skinny-dipping. Let me explain why I wouldn’t invite my wife to be with my friend and I… IT WAS A FRIGGING ALL OUT ORGY PEOPLE!!! Man, do I have to spell these things out to you? 🙂 I was trying not to be crass. You may now continue with your regularly sechedualed advice. Thank you ---
**Author:** ![Formerly\_Bandersnatch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e36b37/32.png) [@Formerly\_Bandersnatch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Formerly_Bandersnatch)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2001, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-advice/78631/23 "2001-08-30T19:39:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Free Refill \* > \*\* > > IT WAS A FRIGGING ALL OUT ORGY PEOPLE!!! > > \*\* Yea, that was obvious. But I gathered it just started with skinny dipping. If that was just a part of the orgy, then my advice won’t work. However, you might talk to your wife anyway. Then tell your friend you want to just take your wife skinny dipping and see if she will help you. She doesn’t have to know your primary goal. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2001, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-advice/78631/24 "2001-08-30T20:08:02Z")
Hmmmm. Oscar Wilde said that the only sure way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. Ask yourself: if the situation were reversed and your wife wanted to see an attractive male friend of hers naked, would it bother you? If not, and you are SURE that things would go no further if your pal peels for you, then I don’t see any real harm - do as Oscar says. On the other hand I hear he died as a result of injuries sustained by massive gang-rape in a Turkish prison to which he’d been sent for “homosexual behavior,” so he might not be EXACTLY what you’re looking for in a role model. ---
**Author:** ![Caesar0211](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caesar0211](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caesar0211)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2001, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-advice/78631/25 "2001-08-30T21:17:52Z")
Its offical. I have yet to meet another person of the male gender in these boards who is not either A. Perverted, B. Stupid, or C. (The worst yet) sophomoric. Free Refill, I thought you were actually strong enough to avoid that, but it turns out you have absolutely no will power whatsoever, and you dont want to either. Your more focused on seing some girl naked other than your wife. You disgust me with a passion. And for the rest of you, flame me for all I care! talk about that stupid Caesar that used to post on here, but you know what, I’m going to actually associate with intelegent people. Some of you might be a genius or something high quality in intelegence, but you all have NO COMMON SENCE WHATSOEVER. Quintillian once said “He who seeks to be wise among the fools, among the wise is a fool.”. You dont realise how stupid your being when you say stuff, and I doubt you ever will. I just pray that eventually some day you get more maturity than me, a 16 year old. Grow up. I know a few of you who are decent people. to you, hats off to you. If you know exactly what I’m talking about, you are those few. I’m out of these boards permanatly. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2001, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-advice/78631/26 "2001-08-30T21:23:14Z")
He’ll be back. ---
**Author:** ![Free\_Refill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ccd318/32.png) [@Free\_Refill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Free_Refill)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2001, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-advice/78631/27 "2001-08-30T22:35:28Z")
Um, O.K **Caesar** I’m sorry that my asking for advice ofended you so much. If it helps I promise that I’ll never think about _you_ naked. (Again) I mean at all, at all, that’s it, yeah. **Chef Troy** I don’t think that I would mind my wife looking at another man. Anything more then that is TOTAL off limits. My wife on the other hand, I do not believe, would feel the same. My true dilemma is getting this girl out of head. I’m just trying to stop myself from thinking about her. Right now I would settle for the Barney song to be stuck in there instead! ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2001, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-advice/78631/28 "2001-08-30T23:03:19Z")
FREE, my advice is to frankly tell your friend, “I’m glad you had a great time, but I don’t want to hear the details of it” – even if you do. Platonic friends do not tell each other stories out of Penthouse, real or imagined, unless one or the other of them (or both) is being a tease. I’m not sure what your relationship with your wife entails, that’s between you and her. But if it entails mental and emotional fidelity, as well as physical fidelity, then I think you should honestly ask yourself if hearing those kinds of stories from your good-looking girl friend is really okay. And I also think you should ask yourself why she would tell you such intimate details of her life in the first place. Why does she tell them to you, anyway? Ask yourself that. It doesn’t sound like she’s intentionally making you or your life harder (ha), but some women (especially younger women) appreciate being made to feel attractive in “safe” ways – such as raising the temperature of a safely married man. That doesn’t mean you have to play along with her – in any way. ---
**Author:** ![bare](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bare/32/471_2.png) [@bare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bare)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2001, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-advice/78631/29 "2001-08-30T23:09:11Z")
If it were me, I’d be investing in a hot tub. **Caesar** would definitely NOT be invited! ---
**Author:** ![Godfrey\_Daniels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Godfrey\_Daniels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Godfrey_Daniels)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2001, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-advice/78631/30 "2001-08-30T23:58:19Z")
I think right now you’re just kind of caught up in a very pleasant, enticing, fantasy. I wouldn’t worry about it too much, as all things do eventually pass. Give it some time and try not to dwell on it. ---
**Author:** ![nonsequitur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@nonsequitur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nonsequitur)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-advice/78631/31 "2001-08-31T00:15:14Z")
Okay, for one thing, if you want to stop thinking about her, stop thinking about her. Look at how you’re writing about her. Good grief, I’d tear my hubby’s ears off for saying some of those things - “beautiful friend”, “her beautiful, soft, naked body.” Unless it were a joke. Great, now he’s going to post. Anyway, I don’t think fantasies are a bad thing. But it is very uncomfy to have one with someone you know. I’d say read a long book or two. Put some mental distance between you and the event. Distraction is great. Boredom will only make your thoughts continue. AND, posting to this board may not be the best way to take your mind off it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-advice/78631.md?page=1)