# Straight Dope Song and Poetry Parody Society **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 15, 2003, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910 "2003-04-15T17:02:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/1 "2003-04-15T17:02:25Z")
Are you **Fenris**? I know I’m not, but if you are, you’ll fit right in here. Act on your natural urge to make songs funnier and post the results here. Are you a lesser-known parodist currently using the SDMB? Then use this thread like I will, as an excuse to put your parody efforts in front of the Teeming Millions. Are you trying to kill me and eat my brains? If you are, hie yourself to the nearest police station, you weirdo! My first effort for this thread: > [@](#): > > If I had a rocket launcher > (If I had a rocket launcher) > I’d blow up your house > (I would blow up your house) > If I had a rocket launcher > (If I had a rocket launcher) > I’d blow up furniture in your house > (No more chesterfields or ottomans) > If I had a rocket launcher > (If I had a rocket launcher) > I’d blow up your car > (ignite your fucking automobile) > If I had a rocket launcher I’d kill your love. > > If I had a rocket launcher > I’d turn your truck into a smouldering shard > If I had a rocket launcher > You could die, it wouldn’t be that hard > If I had a rocket launcher > Maybe I could shoot your remains in there > Wouldn’t that be fabulous? > > If I had a rocket launcher > (If I had a rocket launcher) > I’d make you a fur coat > (but not a whole fur coat that’s cruel) > If I had a rocket launcher > (If I had a rocket launcher) > I’d feed you to an exotic pet > (Like a tiger or an emu) > If I had a rocket launcher > (If I had a rocket launcher) > I’d make you like John Connor’s remains > (All them crazy blown-up bones) > If I had a rocket launcher I’d kill your love. > > If I had a rocket launcher > You wouldn’t get to walk to the store > If I had a rocket launcher > I’d blow your up 'cause it hurts more. > If I had a rocket launcher > You wouldn’t get to eat Kraft Dinner > But I would, and I’d eat more! > > If I had a rocket launcher > (If I had a rocket launcher) > I’d blow up a green dress > (but not a real green dress, that’s cruel) > If I had a rocket launcher > (If I had a rocket launcher) > I’d make you into some art > (a Picasso or a Dali) > If I had a rocket launcher > (If I had a rocket launcher) > I’d feed you to a monkey > (haven’t you always been like a monkey?) > > If I had a rocket launcher, If I had a rocket launcher > If I had a rocket launcher, If I had a rocket launcher > You’d be dead. ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/2 "2003-04-15T17:35:59Z")
> [@](#): > > If I had a rocket launcher, If I had a rocket launcher > If I had a rocket launcher, If I had a rocket launcher > You’d be dead. \ Well, isn’t that _special_!! \ (to the tune of _Desperado_) Avacado, Why don’t you stop acting holy, You’re just guacamole… (that’s as far as I got…I AM at work, you know!) ---
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/3 "2003-04-15T19:55:38Z")
How long…how long must we eat Ding Dongs? How long…how long… 'cause we can eat hot fudge tonight…etc. Sundae Hot Fudge Sundae Sundae Hot Fudge Sundae Sundae Hot Fudge Sundae ---
**Author:** ![Phax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Phax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phax)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/4 "2003-04-15T20:54:59Z")
**Derleth** - You don’t actually say, but I’m assuming your poem can be sung to “If I had a Million Dollars” by barenakedladies? ---
**Author:** ![Phax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Phax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phax)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/5 "2003-04-15T21:00:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Phax \* > \*\ ***Derleth** - You don’t actually say, but I’m assuming your poem can be sung to “If I had a Million Dollars” by barenakedladies? \*\* Well, duh! I guess if I had actually read your post I would have figured out that these are parodies, not poems. Carry on with you lives, folks. Don’t mind the clueless guy watching in the corner. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/6 "2003-04-15T21:02:58Z")
[Voice of Somewhat Venerated Kenny Rogers] Promise me, son, that you’ll bite your woman’s buns, Wear a two-day stubble when you can. Folks won’t think yer queer if you’ll have another beer, Damn right you got to drank to be a man. [/ Voice of Much Less Venerated Kenny Rogers] –Nott * * * Black pants let everyone know you have a cat. ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/7 "2003-04-16T05:50:05Z")
Here’s one, sung to a tune by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. I’m a good guy Love the outdoors But Jesus what I go through It is springtime, lousy with pollen If I dare breathe, I then go achoo. It’s a long day mainlining Claritin There’s five feet of pollen in the yard I’ve got adenoids coming out my eardrums And my sinuses are filled up with lard. _(Chorus)_ And I sneeeeeeeeeeeeeze Sneeze pollen Yeah I sneeeeeeeeeeeeze Sneeze pollen I got tissue, stuffed in my pocket Got a hanky wadded up in my hand. Then I breathe in, get a snoot full of pollen Sneeze my nose off half way to Holland _(Chorus)_ And I sneeeeeeeeeeeeeze Sneeze pollen Yeah I sneeeeeeeeeeeeze Sneeze pollen ---
**Author:** ![Drastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/8 "2003-04-16T07:18:06Z")
Well, the title does say “…and Poetry”, so. I wrote the following during week three or so in a class on Ezra Pound’s work. (It will make absolutely no sense to anyone who doesn’t know his \Cantos\, but did make the professor laugh far harder than I’d ever expected, so that was cool.) Canto AIEEE And battering cushioned walls, Sinews siege-engined, raved ranted of Buried gods and buried dogs Fallen dreams, fallen grace, Fallen arches, glowering face Overhauling paideumas with vitriol, so ``` “Don’t walk out on me! No one walks out on me! “Not even me!” ``` “Acid of sulphur” to consume loam Non-terrae completion of gall, see Sea gull wheeling over that swart ship why over why Usury Usura Usu ra ha ha ha ha ha ha… For the love of - 99 waddles of verse on the wall 99 waddles of verse\* In the end… Me duele la cabeza Bork! bork! bork! y mis ojos están wigged out _Take one down_ And Cabestan enfolds Hotspur as Odin (for chaos-apple KALLISTI, cursed creature belly in dust) I.N.R.I suspends self from Ygg And Hero’s stony tears fell through (drip drop drip) vacillations of the old Ham And Puck’s face was really not where it should have (anatomically speaking) Been, and best not to dwell on Effects on digestion, and we won’t mention The toothbrush - Slap it around\* Suffice it to say ooze was involved - 98 waddles of verse on the wall\* Et ergo: ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/9 "2003-04-16T11:55:05Z")
There are several examples of the work you seek [here.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=120313) Too bad Euty closed the thread. I tend to work better with a subject. Suggestions are welcome. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/10 "2003-04-16T12:03:14Z")
Wise men say Only fools rush in But I can’t help Filling a glove with poo. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/11 "2003-04-16T12:06:11Z")
Sadly, most of these go over my head - I don’t listen to current popular music, or even recent popular music. Ah well, I’m sure your parodies are all quite clever… I thought about writing the Turbulence Song: _I’m heavin’ on a jet plane…_ ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/12 "2003-04-16T12:24:33Z")
For **Fairy Chat Mom** _The Turbulence Song_ I hate planes, it’s not the goodbye. But the turbulence and lack of quality porn. And the processed food, especially the corn, Already I’m so queasy I could cry. So don’t giggle or laugh at me, As I barf like a bumblebee, Hold my hair and never let it go. 'Cause I’m heaving on a jet plane Oh my god my lunch is back again - Oh Babe, I hate to retch. There’s so many times I’ve blown my chunks, So many times I’ve lost my lunch, Me and the porcelain God are real good friends. Every place I fly, I’ll start to spew, If you don’t duck, it’ll get on you, When I land the whole ordeal finally ends. So don’t giggle or laugh at me, As I barf like a bumblebee, Hold my hair and never let it go. 'Cause I’m heaving on a jet plane Oh my god my lunch is back again - Oh Babe, I hate to retch. Now the time has come for me to barf, And wipe my face off with a scarf, Then close my eyes, and start to pray. Dream about the landing strip When my mouth will cease to drip When my urge to hurl is put at bay … So don’t giggle or laugh at me, As I barf like a bumblebee, Hold my hair and never let it go. 'Cause I’m heaving on a jet plane Oh my god my lunch is back again - Oh Babe, I hate to retch. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/13 "2003-04-16T12:51:40Z")
[Some real good ones in this thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=171652) ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/14 "2003-04-16T22:28:58Z")
**welby** , I’m touched. And slightly sickened, but touched nonetheless. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/15 "2003-04-16T22:44:37Z")
In honor of **Polycarp** , after getting fed up with the harmony of Mozart’s _Ave Verum_, I was driven to lament to our church organist, Abby: _Abby, Abby wo-on’t yo-ou help me? I don’t know the alto li-ine at all!_ FYI, The lyrics as written start: _Ave, ave ve-eru-um corpus Natum de Maria Vi-irgine_ Geeky enough for ya? 😃 CJ ---
**Author:** ![AllShookDown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d9b06d/32.png) [@AllShookDown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AllShookDown)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/16 "2003-04-16T23:32:31Z")
A song composed on a long ago Saturday night about a restaurant owner whose restaurant we frequented for Sunday hangover brunch. (Name changed to protect _me_.) To the tune of Build Me Up, Buttercup… So why do you fill me up, Larry Beck baby with that Sunday brunch? That breakfast and lunch combination oh, how I love it so Larry oh you make me melt. Oh I want some smelt. I need you, more than anyone Larry, you know that I have from the start. So fill me up, Larry Beck don’t break my heart. ba-dum-ba-dum Oh I’ll be over at ten knockin’ on your window again, hey hey Larry, oh won’t ya let me in? When you’re tending bar how I wish from afar you’ll make my Strawberry Daquiri. Hey, hey, hey Oh Larry, Larry, you’re such a man If you can’t do it nobody can I’ll be home wavin’ that chicken bone, wavin’ at you\* Larry Beck, Larry Beck So why do you fill me up… “\*Larry Beck” actually waved to us once with a chicken bone. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/17 "2003-04-16T23:39:39Z")
Well what I like to do is change all the pronouns in a song around so that they refer to me. Like so. Ahem. I love me, I love me And where I go I follow, I follow I’ll always be my true love, my true love From now until forever, forever I will follow me… ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-song-and-poetry-parody-society/168910/18 "2003-04-17T00:25:40Z")
Or how about this, **Fern**? \*I’m just too good to be true, Can’t take my eyes off of me I’m just like heaven to touch Everyone loves me so much At long last I have arrived Everyone thanks God I’m alive I’m just to good to be true, Can’t take my eyes off of me. I love me ba-aa-aaby…\* All right! Everyone all together now!