# Straight Dope-The Movie **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 8, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629 "2011-09-08T17:44:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/41 "2011-09-09T00:32:43Z")
I’ll be played by Rick Moranis. I’ve been told I look like him, but not so macho. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/42 "2011-09-09T00:41:10Z")
I shall be played by Donny Osmond, after he’s really let himself go. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/43 "2011-09-09T00:46:36Z")
I will be played by Fabio! But no matter who plays who, there must be a scene where Cecil faces off with a conference room full of squares in suits, and exclaims: “You want to know the truth? _ **YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!** _” as he whips off a pair of sunglasses to reveal another pair of sunglasses underneath them. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/44 "2011-09-09T00:54:30Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Let’s cast the Straight Dope movie! Let me start with: > > Cecil Adams-Frank Langella > Ed Zotti-William Hurt I’m confused: would they be like Siamese twins, or _Buffy_’s Glory & Ben, or _Batman_’s Two-Face, or _Total Recall_’s George/Kuato? ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/45 "2011-09-09T00:57:35Z")
The role of **Ruby** will be played by Halle Berry coz she’s hot hot hot. The fact that **Ruby** is really an overweight, middle-aged white woman will be temporarily overlooked. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/46 "2011-09-09T00:58:11Z")
Hmmm although I’ve been here long enough to recognize usernames, I haven’t really been able to form strong ideas of people’s personalities. I think I’d cast NPH as myself and Martin Freeman or perhaps Ryan Cartwright as illuminatiprimus. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/47 "2011-09-09T01:03:23Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Nope. > Queen Latifah. I’m flattered! Especially since you’ve actually seen me and know the truth. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/48 "2011-09-09T01:15:36Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > I’m flattered! Especially since you’ve actually seen me and know the truth. “Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.” -John Keats ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/49 "2011-09-09T01:18:58Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > **Autolycus** will be played by Pauly Shore. Ummm, excuse me, no. I am played by none other than Bruce Campbell, naturally. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/50 "2011-09-09T01:19:55Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > Ummm, excuse me, no. I am played by none other than Bruce Campbell, naturally. Of course. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/51 "2011-09-09T01:22:16Z")
Thanks Herc. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/52 "2011-09-09T01:22:44Z")
**Steophan** will be played by Meat Loaf, at his mid eighties nadir. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/53 "2011-09-09T01:28:19Z")
[QUOTE=koeeoaddi] …and **Eve** will make a cameo as herself [/QUOTE] Pity. I already had Stresiand interested. Wallace Shawn as Cecil Steven Bauer for Bricker Oliver Platt for Eutychus Brian Blessed as Elendil’s Heir ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/54 "2011-09-09T01:29:16Z")
[quote=“Gary “Wombat” Robson, post:33, topic:595629”] **Exapno Mapcase** will be played by that dude who played the sorcerer in _Conan the Barbarian_. I’m not sure why. I just think it would be cool. [/QUOTE] To quote Geoff Peterson, “The hell?” I don’t even know which version you’re referring to. However, I would argue that to play me would be a job for Schwarzenegger as he appeared in the '82 movie. Or Andy Rooney. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/55 "2011-09-09T01:30:38Z")
I shall, of course, play Myself. Like Thing in _The Addams Family._ Wait, I’m not the star? I’m not? (“It’s the message boards that got small!”) I shall write all the music, then. Philip Glass has nothing on me. Neither has Spike Jones. [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgZpzS-aVpU) ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/56 "2011-09-09T01:36:26Z")
And yours truly? ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/57 "2011-09-09T01:44:00Z")
**fluiddruid** will be played by Lucy Lawless. American-accent Lucy Lawless, not Kiwi-accent Lucy Lawless. She can wear the leather if she wants to, I’m not picky. Also, if **Gary** gets to have Liam Neeson as a kilt portraying him, I will be required to be on set. You know. For… uh, kilt compliance checks. Can’t have a kilt falling out of compliance. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/58 "2011-09-09T01:44:10Z")
> [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > And yours truly? Peter Sellers? ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/59 "2011-09-09T01:45:18Z")
> [@Lobohan](#): > > Lobohan will be Jack Black on a skateboard. I don’t skate, but I think that’s just the punch-up the character needs. I think Jack Black would be an excellent **The Grapist**. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629/60 "2011-09-09T01:49:12Z")
> [@fluiddruid](#): > > **fluiddruid** will be played by Lucy Lawless. American-accent Lucy Lawless, not Kiwi-accent Lucy Lawless. She can wear the leather if she wants to, I’m not picky. I’m sorry, but according to my records, Lucy Lawless is allowed to use whatever goddamn accent she feels like at any goddamn time, up to and including sounding like Miss goddamn Piggy if that is her wish, on account of being the goddamn Warrior Princess. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-movie/595629.md?page=4)