# Straight Dope: the Musical **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 21, 2007, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060 "2007-02-21T05:35:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2007, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/1 "2007-02-21T05:35:28Z")
If the Straight Dope were a musical: What would be the plot? Who would be the characters, and who would play their roles? What would be some of the songs? Who would be the director? Who would be the choreographer? Who would be the composer and lyricist? ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2007, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/2 "2007-02-21T05:45:16Z")
It looks like [Meek would be our musical director](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=409339). I think “the Straight Dope musical” would be one half Monty Python musical number and one half Wagnerian Opera. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2007, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/3 "2007-02-21T14:02:26Z")
Settings: Act I - An Internet cafe. Act II - The Chicago Reader’s server room. Act III - Hi Opal! Aw c’mon, you _knew_ that was coming. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2007, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/4 "2007-02-21T18:07:36Z")
Act IV - The Wrath of Cecil Act V - Slug’s Return Act VI - The Winter of our Missed Content Act VII and Conclusion - The Adulation of **Elendil’s Heir** … What? ---
**Author:** ![saramamalana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/74df32/32.png) [@saramamalana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saramamalana)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2007, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/5 "2007-02-21T23:22:06Z")
Certainly the overall moral theme would be fighting ignorance, no? ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/6 "2007-02-22T00:13:58Z")
Oh, _Rio_ by Duran Duran has to be prominently involved in the score. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/7 "2007-02-22T06:38:52Z")
Well, OK… but for no more than 20 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/8 "2007-02-22T07:19:52Z")
There’d HAVE to be an atheists v. Christians fistfight. But it’d have to be Sharks/Jets dance style, and completely irrelevant to the main plot. ---
**Author:** ![scotandrsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@scotandrsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scotandrsn)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/9 "2007-02-22T07:29:09Z")
[QUOTE=Happy Scrappy Hero Pup] There’d HAVE to be an atheists v. Christians fistfight. But it’d have to be Sharks/Jets dance style, and completely irrelevant to the main plot. [/QUOTE] Hee hee! (to the tune of “America!”) I like to be a Cre-A-tion-ist If you are not you are ON my list You’ll feel the hurt of my YOUNG Earth Fists I like to be a Cre-A-tion-ist! ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/10 "2007-02-22T15:11:49Z")
[QUOTE=scotandrsn] Hee hee! (to the tune of “America!”) I like to be a Cre-A-tion-ist If you are not you are ON my list You’ll feel the hurt of my YOUNG Earth Fists I like to be a Cre-A-tion-ist! [/QUOTE] Bravo! Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/11 "2007-02-22T16:07:49Z")
[QUOTE=scotandrsn] Hee hee! (to the tune of “America!”) I like to be a Cre-A-tion-ist If you are not you are ON my list You’ll feel the hurt of my YOUNG Earth Fists I like to be a Cre-A-tion-ist! [/QUOTE] You post a thread as a CHRIST-yon You must prepare to be PISSED-on (ha-ha) You will be branded a big troll Banished to some distant a-toll! ---
**Author:** ![scotandrsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@scotandrsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scotandrsn)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/12 "2007-02-22T16:50:23Z")
[QUOTE=Chefguy] You post a thread as a CHRIST-yon You must prepare to be PISSED-on (ha-ha) You will be branded a big troll Banished to some distant a-toll! [/QUOTE] E-vo-lu-TION is a BIG fat lie WHEN you tell FIBS it makes JE-sus cry I dismiss YOU with a FLIP of wrist I like to BE a Cre-A-tion-ist! ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/13 "2007-02-22T18:19:07Z")
Would this mean that Cecil would be like the Great and Mighty Oz? Who would be behind the curtain? ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/14 "2007-02-22T18:25:25Z")
Whoever it is would be on a treadmill. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/15 "2007-02-22T18:50:13Z")
Thanks to **TUBADiva** and **Ukelele Ike** theere’d be lots of oom pa pa ---
**Author:** ![Cemetery\_Savior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Cemetery\_Savior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cemetery_Savior)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/16 "2007-02-22T19:21:01Z")
\: As the large, opulently-frocked curtain pulls apart, the audience hears an increasingly louf “whirring” noise, which is revealed to be a treadmill. On this treadmill is a small airplane, in which sits 6 people, uncomfortably wedged into the cockpit with several reference materials, including the 2004 OED, the complete Encyclopedia Britannica, and a CD containing 1/3 of Wikipedia. the CD is being used to protect the dashboard of the airplane from a cool, frosty beer. All 6 people speak simultaneously, in a Greek Choral style. 6 people: “Cecil told us to wait here. What are you doing here?” …the curtain closes, fade to black. -Cem ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/17 "2007-02-22T19:38:05Z")
I thought about people who could pull of Cecil’s mix of erudition and ‘nice try, bub’ sarcasm, and my list stopped with Kelsey Grammer. As for songs? Well hello, Zotti Well hello, Zotti It’s so nice to have you back where you belong… ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/18 "2007-02-22T19:39:54Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23] I thought about people who could pull of Cecil’s mix of erudition and ‘nice try, bub’ sarcasm, and my list stopped with Kelsey Grammer. … [/QUOTE] He is a bit old now, but is not John Cleese the master of this? Jim ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/19 "2007-02-22T19:43:46Z")
Cleese is great at it, but I don’t know if he’s as strong a singer. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060/20 "2007-02-22T19:44:35Z")
I call dibs on being Statler or Waldorf in the balcony, hurling lines down at the cast. I, too, think there should be a big fight scene between Creationists VS Evolutionists. And lottsa viking hats and pointy spears. I suppose there would have to be some kind of running gag through the show about squid and Death Pool and I Burning Your Dog. Beer will be served during the show. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dope-the-musical/393060.md?page=2)