# Straight Doper men - are you ALWAYS flattered when a woman is hot for you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 9, 2011, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377 "2011-07-09T02:38:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/1 "2011-07-09T02:38:21Z")
So tonight Mr. Panda and I saw “Horrible Bosses.” Tickets were $20 and they were worth every penny - friggin’ hilarious. Anyhow (and this isn’t a spoiler) - one of the main characters has a boss (Jennifer Aniston) who is just dying to bang him, so she spends the whole day at work sexually harassing him. Thing is, he’s engaged and simply not interested - and he’s stuck in the job for reasons I won’t go into, so he can’t quit. His boss wants him BAAAAAAAD, she’s extremely aggressive and there’s no end in sight. In the car on the way home we were talking about the movie and I made the comment that most guys probably wouldn’t find Jennifer Aniston wanting them a problem, engaged or no, considering she’s, oh, hot. Mr. Panda said something to the effect of “guys just want to be wanted. It’s an ego boost, doesn’t matter who’s hitting on them.” My question is this … do guys get an ego boost from ANY (legal) woman wanting them? Or just ones they find attractive? What if she were REALLY REALLY ugly? Still flattering? Or not? ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/2 "2011-07-09T02:49:40Z")
A couple weeks ago I was waiting for a train, and I caught a woman checking me out pretty blatantly. She then turned around and screamed obscenities at the empty platform on the other side for a good minute. That was not particularly flattering. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/3 "2011-07-09T02:50:45Z")
Heh, \*\*ultrafilter \*\*attracts the crazy ladies! I shouldn’t laugh but that was pretty funny. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/4 "2011-07-09T02:54:25Z")
Yeah, pretty much. I’ve received that kind of attention from women that I’m not at all attracted to, but I still like it. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/5 "2011-07-09T02:56:26Z")
I wouldn’t say I was flattered when women I wasn’t interested in liked me. But I didn’t mind it or get upset either. I only minded it this one time when the woman kept pursing despite me letting her know I wasn’t interested. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/6 "2011-07-09T03:15:27Z")
I am flattered if the I am attracted to the woman. I am uncomfortable when I’m not - because I know it stings to be rejected. ---
**Author:** ![Arrogance\_Ex\_Machina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrogance_ex_machina/32/192_2.png) [@Arrogance\_Ex\_Machina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrogance_Ex_Machina)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/7 "2011-07-09T03:19:54Z")
When two fat, ugly and drunk teenage girls told me they wanted me and started molesting my poor work bike to show just how much and what they wanted to do with me, I was really happy to be able to escape into the nearest building. Not much of an ego boost, really, more like living nightmare. If they had been attractive I might’ve seen the situation in a different light, but I suspect they hadn’t been so frustrated with the results of their man-hunt so far if that had been the case. I don’t mind ugly or old or fat women getting flustered or checking me out, but if they turn aggressive or start flirting it’s just embarassing. _shrug_ ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/8 "2011-07-09T03:57:08Z")
Hell no! I can think of several times when unwanted attention provoked absolutely nothing beyond pure, unadulterated squick. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/9 "2011-07-09T05:16:05Z")
Not always. When I was in college, there was a girl I wanted to make a play for. Unfortunately, at the time this other girl that I had _no_ romantic interest in, got interested in me. She attached herself to me like a barnacle, and I never had enough time away from her to make a move on the other girl. The one I actually liked picked up another boyfriend before I could rid myself of the other one, alas, woe is me. But yeah, I didn’t find that flattering at all, just annoying. ---
**Author:** ![T.Slothrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3e96dc/32.png) [@T.Slothrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T.Slothrop)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/10 "2011-07-09T06:10:09Z")
Always. ---
**Author:** ![Hypnagogic\_Jerk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hypnagogic_jerk/32/4252_2.png) [@Hypnagogic\_Jerk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypnagogic_Jerk)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/11 "2011-07-09T06:10:45Z")
I’m tempted to say that I’d always be flattered to find that someone is attracted to me (and that it goes for both women and men), but I suspect that perhaps it’s because it just doesn’t happen often, so it’s always a pleasant and novel surprise. ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/12 "2011-07-09T06:13:38Z")
No, not always. The boss situation sounds really bad. If you don’t fuck her, she can claim you made advances to get back at you for not doing it. If you fuck her, she can claim that you fucked her. Either way, you’re potentially in trouble. There is little likelihood that anyone will believe it wasn’t your idea. Similar to the book/movie Disclosure, your job is almost certainly gone, your marriage or engagement might be over shortly thereafter, and you’ll be lucky if you only lose your retirement and don’t get slapped with jail time. And that’s a best-case scenario assuming you can afford a good lawyer. In high school I had a bad date with a girl. I only went on the date with her because (and this was weird from the beginning) I asked her friend on a date when she was there and she also wanted to go on a date with me. I made the date for daytime. She led me to believe she needed to be back at a particular time to meet her family, but when we got back to her place no one was there. Later, after I had some time to think about it, I think she knew her family was planning to be gone during that time window. She took me on a tour of her house that ended in her bedroom. When I said I needed to go, she kept getting too close to me and I ended up putting the car door between the two of us when saying good by to avoid being pressured into a kiss. That was not a good situation. She could have claimed anything she wanted about what happened between us. Her house was isolated. I have no idea when he family was actually expected back. She was pretty aggressive about it, and in retrospect I’m just lucky that she wasn’t vindictive when frustrated. There were a couple more unwelcome advances from women, but I was able to handle it better since I was older and more experienced. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/13 "2011-07-09T07:15:11Z")
> [@PandaBear77](#): > > My question is this … do guys get an ego boost from ANY (legal) woman wanting them? If it ever happens, I’ll let you know. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/14 "2011-07-09T07:22:45Z")
There’s no need for it to be a dichotomy. A couple of years ago I got drunk with a female friend of mine for whom I have no real attraction, and we ended up doing the deed. Afterwards I realised that while for me it was just a drunken mistake, for her it meant a lot more. I was mostly saddened and uncomfortable, and it’s kinda ruined our friendship - but my egotistical side was a teeny bit flattered too. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/15 "2011-07-09T07:26:25Z")
It’s a BIGGER ego boost if you’re into her as well. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/16 "2011-07-09T11:01:24Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > I am flattered if the I am attracted to the woman. I am uncomfortable when I’m not - . Same thing here. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/17 "2011-07-09T12:26:11Z")
I think some posters are mixing up two things here. For me it’s always flattering for a woman to be attracted to me. That’s not the same thing as saying it is always a net positive and doesn’t come with problems. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/18 "2011-07-09T13:43:49Z")
Often flattered, but not always. It is a big ego boost when I realize that an attractive woman is flirting with me (actually, I can recall a couple of occasions where an attractive woman I hadn’t met yet was obviously devouring my eye candy, though in both cases, they were fresh from Basic Training and had about the level of judgement vis-a-vis men that you would expect after four Screwdrivers on Friday night). That said, unwanted attention is unwanted attention, and there is always a line where it goes from playful or fun to far less than. Or so I’m told, anyways. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/19 "2011-07-09T13:56:19Z")
I’d have a serious problem with being _harrassed_. Hot or not. But if some troll like woman thinks I’m hot; I’m always flattered. ---
**Author:** ![Wakinyan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wakinyan/32/352_2.png) [@Wakinyan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wakinyan)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/20 "2011-07-09T14:23:18Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > I am flattered if the I am attracted to the woman. I am uncomfortable when I’m not - > [@clairobscur](#): > > Same thing here. And here too. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377.md?page=2)