# Straight Doper men - are you ALWAYS flattered when a woman is hot for you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 9, 2011, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377 "2011-07-09T02:38:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/21 "2011-07-09T14:39:12Z")
She’d have to be smokin’ before I’d spend $20 for a movie ticket. ---
**Author:** ![Student\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@Student\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Student_Driver)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/22 "2011-07-09T14:42:28Z")
Usually flattered, but when it’s coming from someone inappropriate (underage, one of my students, someone in a relationship), any feelings of being flattered are usually overridden by discomfort (especially if I had been flirting back before finding out). And, as bad as it sounds, ditto on “uncomfortable if I’m not attracted to her” since I hate to be the one to hurt someone’s feelings. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/23 "2011-07-09T14:52:32Z")
Initially I’m flattered. But if it turns into some sort of pursuit where I know I’m not interested and I’m going to have to turn her down. I don’t enjoy that part at all. ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/24 "2011-07-09T16:01:03Z")
> [@PandaBear77](#): > > :)🙂 Mr. Panda said something to the effect of “guys just want to be wanted. It’s an ego boost, doesn’t matter who’s hitting on them.” > > My question is this … do guys get an ego boost from ANY (legal) woman wanting them? Or just ones they find attractive? > > What if she were REALLY REALLY ugly? Still flattering? Or not? I’ve gotten attention from someone who was downright creepy – not at all flattered. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/25 "2011-07-09T16:04:31Z")
For some reason women who are much older than me have been attracted to me ever since I was a teenager, which is a long time ago. In many cases I wasn’t at all flattered. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/26 "2011-07-09T16:21:43Z")
At first I thought that I would be flattered regardless, but **Student Driver** raises a good point. Most of the women I associate with are students of mine, and if one of them were sending signals to me, I would assume that it wasn’t honest, but just angling for special treatment. Which, of course, would be several different kinds of unethical as well as several kinds of just plain stupid, so no, not flattered at all in that case. Now, if I’m just out and about somewhere and some random woman (or even gay man) I have no particular connection to was obviously into me, that probably would be flattering (though possibly _also_ uncomfortable). ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/27 "2011-07-09T16:42:04Z")
Always flattered. Not always pleased. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/28 "2011-07-09T16:57:46Z")
I think I would be but experience indicates that I don’t have the vaguest idea when women are hot for me. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/29 "2011-07-09T18:39:15Z")
Judging from all the boys I had crushes on in junior high and high school who ignored me or made fun of me, even when I never approached them directly, the answer would be no. But I’m not a guy so my answer won’t count! ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/30 "2011-07-09T20:57:40Z")
I always have been, but I think I can count the number of women who have been “hot for me” on the fingers of one hand, and that includes my wife. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/31 "2011-07-09T22:58:19Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I’d have a serious problem with being _harrassed_. Hot or not. > > But if some troll like woman thinks I’m hot; I’m always flattered. Agreed. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/32 "2011-07-09T23:20:57Z")
Pretty much. Women don’t feel this way? Sure, I may not want to be with her, but just knowing someone new likes you is nice. I can only imagine the most attractive men and women not to be flattered, and that’s only because it’s so common to them to not be remarkable. ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/33 "2011-07-10T00:13:36Z")
Always and more if my wife sees it. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/34 "2011-07-10T02:53:50Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > Judging from all the boys I had crushes on in junior high and high school who ignored me or made fun of me, even when I never approached them directly, the answer would be no. But I’m not a guy so my answer won’t count! That’s exactly my experience too, kittenblue, which is why I was all 😕 when MrPanda said that. ---
**Author:** ![clarkstar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@clarkstar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clarkstar)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/35 "2011-07-10T03:02:10Z")
yes yes yes! it can be a pain in the rear sometimes, but it’s always flattering, even when its a guy! ---
**Author:** ![Student\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@Student\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Student_Driver)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/36 "2011-07-10T04:41:18Z")
> [@PandaBear77](#): > > That’s exactly my experience too, kittenblue, which is why I was all 😕 when MrPanda said that. Well, when you’re in junior high, and even into the mid-20s, you’re in a social situation where guys simply don’t know how to handle attraction, and will fly off the handle even if they’re actually appreciative. And, judging by my experiences with guys older than that, there’s still a bit of “bros before hos”/ frat boy shit lingering that makes guys react weirdly to attention they actually like. Anecdote: years ago, when I was 17, a really cute female coworker that I _really_ liked from afar asked me out, out of the blue. Like, I was shoveling french fries into a sleeve to finish one of her orders when she leaned over and asked me out. I actually panicked, hadn’t been in that situation before, and stammered out a “NO!” She was far more devastated than I would have expected… I hurt her with the vehemence of my answer. 19 years later, I still remember her and am still awed that she liked the then-me me enough to ask me out. (And, yes, I still remember my idiocy then…) From her viewpoint, she’d assume that my rejection was a rejection of her and that I wasn’t flattered. From my viewpoint, I was incredibly flattered, and still wonder what would have happened if I’d been mature enough to jump at the chance. I never wanted to reject her… it was a stupid accident. Anyway. I was flattered. Still am. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/37 "2011-07-11T22:21:05Z")
I’m not a dude but my SO is and we’ve definitely been at a party/in a big group where we don’t know most or many people and he’s been hit on by unattractive/undesirable women. He absolutely loathes it because “There’s no easy way to tell the chick she’s an Ug-o or a fatty”. Of course he often likes to snicker in the background when I’m being hit on (and can’t find an easy exit). We joke about people that hit on us but we’re young and hang out in groups so it happens every now and then. It comes down to jealousy, vanity and ego. If you’re attractive and you’ve never had a problem choosing your partner and you are sought after (we both were) then it’s not flatting - that’s the ego portion. The jealousy and vanity are self explanatory. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/38 "2011-07-12T09:53:46Z")
I’ve twice, over the years, been the subject of unwanted attention of that sort from mildly retarded women. Not flattering at all, especially when you’re in a dry spell and wondering why no _normal_ women are into you. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/39 "2011-07-12T10:41:04Z")
Unless they’re gnawbone ugly AND acting boorishly, yeah, I’m flattered. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377/40 "2011-07-12T11:53:22Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > Unless they’re gnawbone ugly AND acting boorishly, yeah, I’m flattered. Gnawbone-ugly is a fantastic phrase. That is all. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-doper-men-are-you-always-flattered-when-a-woman-is-hot-for-you/588377.md?page=3)