# Straight Dopesville **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 15, 2002, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232 "2002-05-15T18:29:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/1 "2002-05-15T18:29:35Z")
Hey everyone, there’s a little town known as ART, Texas that’s up for sale. It’s got a big house, a feed store, post office/church, and a cafe called the “Hoo Doo” or something like that. It’s only 300, 000 dollars. So, what do you think? We can pool together, buy it, and rename it something fun and wacky and it can be our own little place for fun in the sun. Anyone else in? ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/2 "2002-05-15T19:42:16Z")
Could we secede from Texas? ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/3 "2002-05-15T20:37:05Z")
Any chance we could move it from Texas? I mean, I like Texas and all, but the summers can be unbearable. At the very least, can we have it go somewhere north from like May to October? ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/4 "2002-05-15T20:38:29Z")
I’ll donate my book collection for the start of the library. [size]Please, everyone, go gentle on the book spines-I hate it when they’re broken[/size]. Anyone who wants to read about undergraduate-level psychology and criminology, Celts, various world cultures, and enjoys Doyle, Keroauc, Harry Potter and various Complete Idiot’s Guides will be happy. I propose we don’t call the town Dopesville. If we do, I envision a lot of glowering sheriffs circling suspiciously. ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/5 "2002-05-15T21:01:14Z")
I call I get to run the town radio station. I’ll run the feed store too, but I wanna turn it into a General Store. And I’m gonna put up a big sign on the front that says ‘General Store’ in those Western letters. What other roles do we need filled? ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/6 "2002-05-15T21:15:31Z")
At minimum, we need a mayor, a town cop, and a town drunk. Any volunteers? Additionally, we could use a barkeep (and a bar!), some local musicians, a schoolteacher (and a school) and a movie theater, with ushers who actually keep people quiet. And what’s a town without the local crazy guy/woman, who walks around muttering and whose house is the subject of dares among children? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/7 "2002-05-15T21:17:57Z")
I’ll take the role of bartender/mayor/sherriff/inn keeper. Hey, it’s a small town, we all have to learn to multimanage, no? ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/8 "2002-05-15T21:20:39Z")
I think we’d need a town drunk and a floozy, and someone to spread dirt on them. And the sheriff might need a Barney Fife. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/9 "2002-05-15T21:23:38Z")
We also need a gas station attendant and a grumpy old man to sit in the barber shop all day. Plus a barber (although his absence would really give the grumpy old man something to be grumpy about). ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/10 "2002-05-15T21:40:18Z")
I guess I should volunteer for town barber- after all, who cuts the town’s only barber’s hair? _I_ never have to sweat that question. ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/11 "2002-05-15T22:18:26Z")
Shoot, I shoulda called town barkeep, I didn’t think of it. Well, **El Elvis Rojo** , if you’re gonna be barkeep and inn keeper and all that, you can have my General Store too. I’ll give up that gig and just be the town drunk. I don’t think you should get to be the mayor and the sheriff too, though. Gotta let other people have some fun too, you know. ---
**Author:** ![phantomdiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b5e925/32.png) [@phantomdiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phantomdiver)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/12 "2002-05-15T22:51:01Z")
You know it’s the SDMB when people are calling Head Drunk before Mayor or Captain of the Football Team:D ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/13 "2002-05-15T22:53:38Z")
For her birthday, I bought **phantomdiver** lessons in throwing her voice. That was actually ME posting. ---
**Author:** ![GKW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@GKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GKW)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/14 "2002-05-15T22:59:45Z")
Although I’d prefer a New England setting, I’ll volunteer to be the librarian and manage **Fionn’s** generous donation of books. I don’t know anything about library science but I love puttering around stacks of books and reading. I could put my hair up in a bun and wear glasses with black rims. My skirts would be hemmed to mid-knee but be very tight with a small pleat in the back. Eventually, I will shock the rest of the town by letting my hair down and having wild-librarian-sex with a biker who is passing through. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/15 "2002-05-15T23:07:41Z")
> [@](#): > > At minimum, we need a mayor, a town cop, and a town drunk. Any volunteers? Town drunk? I’m your man. ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/16 "2002-05-15T23:13:59Z")
Hey, I’ll give you a two-for-one! I’ll be the town drunk _and_ the sherrif. Every little western town needs an ineffectual drunk sherrif. It’ll give Clint Eastwood something to do when he wanders through town… ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/17 "2002-05-15T23:30:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GKW \* > \*\*Eventually, I will shock the rest of the town by letting my hair down and having wild-librarian-sex with a biker who is passing through. \*\* I wouldn’t live in the town but I would pass through on my motorcycle every so often to see what the town librarian was up to… ---
**Author:** ![Zappo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b3f665/32.png) [@Zappo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zappo)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/18 "2002-05-16T01:50:31Z")
I’ll be town lawyer. Can I have an office on the second floor of the barbershop next to the courthouse and overlooking the town square? It’ll be finished in oak with a big rolltop desk and floor-to-cieling bookshelves and a leather swivel chair. And there’ll be a coat tree next to the door just inside my private office and I’ll keep a bottle of bourbon in the bottom left drawer of my desk and I’ll wear gray and pinstriped three piece suits and Panama hats and hook my thumbs into my vest around my gold watch chain and hang out at the courthouse and generally act like a combination of Atticus Finch and a benign Boss Hogg. Oh, I’m liking this! ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/19 "2002-05-16T02:16:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zappo \* > \*\*I’ll be town lawyer. Can I have an office on the second floor of the barbershop next to the courthouse and overlooking the town square? > \*\* There goes the neighborhood. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/20 "2002-05-16T02:24:23Z")
We need a town newspaper - a weekly, of course. I’ll volunteer to be the editor. Ah hell, I wanna be the publisher too. Any ideas for a name? The position of town floozy seems to still be available. GFW doesn’t count since she’s only having sex with ShibbOleth. So if no one else steps forward, I guess I could fill in for now. Although I prefer the title “Manwhore.” stv [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232.md?page=2)