# Straight Dopesville **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 15, 2002, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232 "2002-05-15T18:29:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/81 "2002-05-17T14:15:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by purrplebear \* > \*\*I am the new schoolmarm, just moved to town. Of seemingly modest means, I somehow managed to purchase the mysterious ‘Big House on the Hill’ at the very edge of town. The kids all adore me, but won’t tell their parents just why; and no one else knows anything about my past. > > I dress rather boldly for a teacher, but just on the edge of what’s considered ‘proper’, being fond of somewhat low-cut blouses. I am looking for someone to help me around this huge place, take care of the yard, and so on. \*\* **Miss purrplebear** , do you take in boarders? **miamouse** (aka the Queen of Spades\*) and I could use a couple of rooms away from the hurly-burly of Cecilopolis, and a nice place on the hill would suit me right down to the ground. I’m ever the proper gentleman, and I’m sure there’d be no loose talk - Mr. Colt and I would see to that! \*from an old Styx song ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/82 "2002-05-17T16:47:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by El Elvis Rojo \* > \*\*I’ll give that to **Ferrous** , if he agrees to be drunk most of the time. \*\* [sub]We’ll just pretend that little typo never happened, 'kay?😉 [/sub] Well, since I’m drunk most of the time _now_…sure, I agree top your terms. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/83 "2002-05-17T16:51:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ferrous \* > \*\*… top your terms. \*\* See? Told you I was drunk most of the time. ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/84 "2002-05-17T18:27:50Z")
Can I be the [newspaper photographer](http://3weasel.som.com/images/photog2.jpg)? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/85 "2002-05-17T18:33:45Z")
Grr. Any photos of the moderator that fixes [the link in the previous post](http://3weasel.20m.com/images/photog2.jpg) will be extra-flattering. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/86 "2002-05-17T18:50:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gunslinger \* > \*\*Can I be the newspaper photographer? > > 🙂 \*\* You’re hired! I shall call you “Flash.” stv ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/87 "2002-05-18T01:51:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Anahita \* > \*\* > I’d like to offer **Biggirl** employment as the recess duty monitor, that is…if she can keep her language nice and clean! \*\* Hell yeah, I can watch my freakin’ mouth. Do I have to get up before 10? 'Cause I’m worth less than a dog’s crusty butt before 10. And I can keep kids real quiet. A coupla sips of my “special lemonade” and they’ll be sweet as the sugar permenantly fused to my kitchen table for the rest of the day. [sub]Shelly Winters plays me in the movie.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/88 "2002-05-18T06:39:11Z")
Seems like almost every sheila has put her hand up for the ‘Town Floozie’ job… But who’s wants to be the MILKMAN??😃 (Gotta be some goodies for the gals too ya know). And as far as names go, I reckon 'Tis Dopia is a brilliant suggestion Dijon Warlock. Can I be the town shrink/psychotherapist? ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/89 "2002-05-18T10:36:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Biggirl \* > \*\*[sub]Shelly Winters plays me in the movie.[/sub] \*\* I was thinking more Nannette Fabre… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/90 "2002-05-18T15:49:26Z")
I am the Mayor’s assistant. Yes, I know all the town gossip. **Cartooniverse** also brought up a good point about our unnamed town: we have to have a cheesy annual festival, be it a street festival or what not. Almost every small town has an annual festival. I’m voting for _Cecil Adams Days_ myself. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/91 "2002-05-18T17:05:37Z")
I wanna be the other lawyer. “A town too small to support one lawyer can always support two” ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/92 "2002-05-18T17:07:33Z")
…and volunteer Fire Dept. Chief like Papaw Pravnik was. Family tradition, you know… ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/93 "2002-05-18T19:14:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pravnik \* > \*\*…and volunteer Fire Dept. Chief like Papaw Pravnik was. Family tradition, you know… \*\* Luckily when we arranged our EMS building, we knew we’d be sharing quarters with **Cecily** ’s Bravest. You guys get the lockers that are Red , we get the ones that are Blue . 😃 Y’all make the chili, we’ll take care of the burger and dogs. It happens to be a zero alcohol building however, but then, this being 2002 I figured you guys were down with that ! Never run out of water with lemon slices, however… ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/94 "2002-05-18T20:29:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cartooniverse \* > \*\* > It happens to be a zero alcohol building however, but then, this being 2002 I figured you guys were down with that ! Never run out of water with lemon slices, however… \*\* _blink blink_ An alcohol-free building in Cecily? Does this seem strange to anyone else? Will this be allowed? ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/95 "2002-05-18T20:33:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jester \*\*\* > Oh, but I’ll need… a plucky wise-cracking protige who, in the event of my death, will swear revenge and become everything I ever was and more. \*\* That’s ME! And I will run the local church, too. See, I am this loving and wise pillar of the community, president of the board at the church… my wicked and wisecracking sense of humor hidden from the church board…who sees beyond the drifter’s lone wolf appearance and appreciates him for the wonderful, compassionate and loving man he is. I am a tad bit eccentric, and I fly in the face of convention by throwing my lot in with this intelligent man who works to right wrongs, uncover corruption, solve murders and etc. > [@](#): > > And maybe find me a fine-lookin’ Doperette in the process. THAT’S me, TOO! I am really good at multi-tasking. You can pick me up at eight, and we will go see if we can find some floozies to rehabilitate…we’ll send 'em to school with MsPurrplebear and they can MAKE something of themselves! Or…maybe we should just try to rehab MsPurr instead? I just KNOW she has some deep dark secrets hidden under those low cut blouses. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Reinhold\_Messner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Reinhold\_Messner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reinhold_Messner)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/96 "2002-05-18T21:41:46Z")
I’ve got dibs on being the wealthy town hippie. Oh? Not every town has one of those? Well they damn well should. Particularly Dopesville. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/97 "2002-05-19T04:07:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Reinhold Messner \* > \*\*I’ve got dibs on being the wealthy town hippie. > > Oh? Not every town has one of those? Well they damn well should. Particularly Dopesville. 😃 \*\* Might I interest you in a friendly game of poker? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/98 "2002-05-19T04:43:50Z")
While I like the name 'Tis Dopia, I shudder to think of the mangling it’ll get in the movie and novelization. I think our dusty little town should be called “San Cecil” after our patron saint. Me? I live in a cave not too far from town, and I Know Things[sup]TM[/sup]. I read the stars and watch the future unfold in my firepit, and some say they’ve seen me up on Cemetary Hill on moonless nights, speaking with the Dead[sup]\*[/sup]. People come to me when they need special help–help that may carry a heavy price…or none at all. [sup]\*[/sup]But not since Garcia died. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/99 "2002-05-19T05:46:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Reinhold Messner \* > \*\*I’ve got dibs on being the wealthy town hippie. > > Oh? Not every town has one of those? Well they damn well should. Particularly Dopesville. 😃 \*\* Town hippies are great. For balance, we need some town squares, so everyone can make fun of them and they can be shocked and appalled at everything the town’s unconventional populace does. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232/100 "2002-05-19T06:14:02Z")
Can I have that scrubby piece of land out on the highway? I want to put up a little shack and run a tourist-trap zoo. You know, couple of tortuses, one or two tarantulla’s a few rattlesnakes and maybe an armidillo. I’d come into town on Sunday’s though, and I guess I could take the 10-13 yr.old class at Sunday School. Doper kids couldn’t be worse that the one’s at my church, could they?! I have dibs on the first library card too. I can’t wait 'til the movie house opens! I love Silents! Just one question-Cartooniverse, what happened to the Thirties? You said 1940-59 after the Silents, and as I recall, they effectively ended by '29 or so. See you all there! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-dopesville/109232.md?page=6)