Why thank you, you handsome young scamp. You’re hired. You may have the third bedroom on the left, at the top of the stairs. Mind if I call you Paddy?
I will be Skerri’s saucy counterboy. It’s only my day job, by night I will run a speak easy underneath the store a’la Harlem Nights but without the killing, getting arrested, but I will however need to make someone the nine toe havenest limpinest b***h in Cecilville, and will now accept candidates.
I think I will be the eighteen year old, pure girl who walks about in short skirts and tight sweaters, making all the boys lust after her.
Hehehe…I like this place already.
There’s no such thing as too many floosies!!! It helps prevent monopolies on the markets, keeps prices down, and leave room for special holiday cut rates.
And no need to worry about the Cpt. Morgan’s, there Fionn, as Mayor, I’m making sure the local tavern gets a grand portion of the city funding, so it will be stocked to high heavens with virtually any liquor you can imagine. But just a warning, for all you folks out there who enjoy your Bud Lites, and your Miller Lights, and any other American piss beers, you’ll have to order that from the general store. This is a prime establishment, I won’t allow any of that shit in here. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go restock the Sportz Beer in the back.
Can I run the Meditation Center, that sells grass out the back? Assuming it’s legal in ah…Cecilville (or Adamopolis or San Ignorance, whatever), ofcourse.
If anyone wants the reality of this real estate fantasy, here ya go.
~t
I second the motion, stv. Cecilville we shall be.
Hey, El Elvis Rojo, are you still trying to claim the innkeep/barkeep job in addition to your mayor and sheriff duties? I gave up the General Store to be the town drunk, but then UncleBeer came in and I guess he’s a more prestigious drinker, so he got the recognition. So I’m thinking of taking back ownership of the Store, and I can keep the bar in back. Unless you want to run a competing public house out of your Cecilville Inn. Then we’d have to talk.
You need an eccentric mad scientist/inventor? I’m your man! I’m the one with the model T ford that actually powered by Flubber.
If you see weird lights and strange sounds coming from the old Victorian mansion atop the hill (no, that OTHER hill, not the one purrplebear has) you can bet my latest creation will soon be walking the streets!
Fools! Each and every one of them! Laugh at me, will they? I’ll show them! I’ll show them all! Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Well, we can call it Cecilville, or even Cecily, but you just know that the wags are going to call it Zottiville, and that’ll stick.
A suggestion for the theater. Since we’re going to show silent films we’ll need one of those cool old pipe organs and someone to play it.
Any of you floozies know how to work an organ?
Notice how no ones signed up to run the church, the school, or sing in the choir, but we’ve got floozies and drunks coming out the wazoo?
ShibbOleth , Cecily makes me laugh…
~t
Hello, head floozie here. 
Just as Marshall Dillon had Miss Kitty, I am Miss Ruby. Glad to make your acquaintance
[sub]I grew up watching Gunsmoke and loving Ms. Kitty. I never knew she was a woman of the evening!!![sub]
I like Adamsopolis, personally. And I think we should call the paper the Adamsopolis Threadkiller (“The last word in everything!”)
I’ll be the town dressmaker. I offer clothing made-to-order, a limited selection of ready-to-wear, and a sizeable stock of vintage clothing and accessories, as well as a fine array of Straight Dope t-shirts.
I’ll be the school marm. I want a white school house with a bell, half days on Wednesdays and 2.5 months summer holidays.
Also, parent conferences are mandatory.
oops, sorry, Purplebear, I missed your post.
Ok, I’m not the school marm anymore.
Personally, San Ignorance is my favorite suggested name so far.
And yes, White Lightning, I’m still planning on being the bartender/inn keeper. That’s always been my favorite character in Westerns. And it’s one of the fitting jobs for the Mayor to have as well. I’m thinking I may end up giving up my position as Sherriff, though. I’ll give that to Ferros, if he agrees to be drunk most of the time. I’ll just take up place as Marshal, or something that’s not deputy, sos I can dunk his head in the trough everytime some stranger comes along lookin for trouble.
As for your position as town drunk being superceded by Uncle Beer hey, with my prices, this town IS big enough for the two of you. Or three of you, if the drunk sherriff counts as well. Lord knows there’s enough floozies to go around. I think there needs to be a little competition at high noon. Sure, most people shouldn’t drink until after five by normal society’s rules, but hey, you’re viying for Town Drunk, I think it’s alright. Hell, if you’re really serious about it, we could even hold it at sun up. Show them you mean business.
SHIT, sorry Ferrous, didn’t mean to misspell your name there. My appologies.
(not like you probably noticed, you drunk so-and-so. Good thing we have a low crime rate in this here town. Sheee-ooot. How you ever made sherriff, I just don’t know)
Great. Just great. It’s 6:16am and I spit Spiced Cider drink on my keyboard. ( Waves fist at monitor ). You’ll pay, Shib. Ooooh, you’ll payyyyyyyyy !
Is it me, or does this sound like the children of color in our happy little burg get to take a pass on basic education??? My kids are South Korean. I guess if I HAVE to, I’ll be the School Dard (masculine singular pluperfect present form of “schoolmarm” ). I’ll take the Yellow School. Over to you, Biggirl :eek: :eek:
You have GOT to admit, that Cecily is absolutely brilliant. I throw my vote behind Cecily, and in a twisted Homage to Garrison Keillor, I suggest our huge square proscenium arch-type of sign, a la " Welcome To Peyton Place" sign should read
Caling our tender little villiage Cecily also opens us up to a slew of great street festivals the most obvious of course is the Festival of San Gennaro , akin to the one held each fall in NYC’s Little Italy. 
In addition to my other duties, I hereby offer my barn to be turned into the villiage Photography Club workshop and meeting area. Can’t have too much in the way of artistic endeavors around good ole Cecily, I say !!!
Cartooniverse
SIDE NOTE: ( Anahita, I can’t email you so I have to say it here in the thread. I was just playin’ with you, please don’t take offense at the “white schoolhouse” crack I made up there, ok? I’ve seen your web site, and your amazingly beautiful kids are gonna sit their touchases in that schoolhouse and learn their letters along with the rest of Cecily’s finest youth. Hugs to ya, Toons )
Awww…good. You’re kids will get special treats!
I’d like to offer Biggirl employment as the recess duty monitor, that is…if she can keep her language nice and clean!
I’ll be the gambler - black broadcloth jacket, azure waistcoat and a silver stickpin in my cravat. Smiling as I watch the turn of the cards, watching mens’ fortunes disintegrate as Lady Luck abandons them.
Of course, I’ll turn around and donate my ill-gotten gains to the local schoolhouse…I’m not completely evil, after all…
Who do you think is going to fill all the pews at church? They may be drunks, but they’re functioning drunks.
I wanna be galen ubal’s lady luck.