# Straight folks: How many gay people are you friends with? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 7, 2009, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716 "2009-11-07T14:52:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/1 "2009-11-07T14:52:25Z")
And by “friends with,” I mean “know well enough to have a couple of beers and/or a dinner party with.” Off the top of my head, I can think of three single lesbians and a half dozen dudes in their mid-twenties, and four long-term couples ranging in age from their mid-30’s to mid-70’s, two of which I count as very close friends. This is in a wider social circle of maybe a couple of hundred friends and family, and doesn’t count the odd person from work that I’d run in to while drinking at the Hamburger Mary’s that I used to live around the corner from. I’m a straight male, 31, and in a pretty conservative city. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/2 "2009-11-07T15:13:01Z")
One that I would call a close friend, 5-6 more casual friends. And an uncle and a cousin. Probably more that I just don’t know about. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/3 "2009-11-07T15:20:08Z")
I am friends with a gentleman couple in their 50s, I recently reconnected with a guy I was friends with in high school who just married his partner, I am friends with one very nice fellow who is as yet un-spoken for, and my husband is friends with a complete ass of a guy who I can’t stand. I know and am friendly with a lesbian couple who also recently married, but I wouldn’t call us friends as of yet. We have lost touch with a number of nice gay folk from when we lived in Iowa City. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/4 "2009-11-07T15:22:37Z")
I don’t think I have _any_ gay friends in my area at the moment. This isn’t my fault, though, all of my friends that I see regularly are in my class at school and AFAIK none of them are gay. Or if they are, they aren’t out to me. But in general, that I don’t see often because they aren’t in this area, but with whom I would go out if I were visiting where they live? I don’t know, probably seven or eight. I’ve had close gay male and female friends in the past, but I’ve drifted apart from all of them, for non-sexual orientation reasons. ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/5 "2009-11-07T16:08:52Z")
None. I’ve known and been friends with a few over the years (mostly co-workers and an ex sister in law) but currently none that I’m aware of. ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/6 "2009-11-07T16:10:53Z")
I have no idea. No one that I know of, but in my environment we don’t go about talking of whom we’ve boned. I know some gay people at work, but I’d not call them friends, and not because they’re gay. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/7 "2009-11-07T16:10:58Z")
Off and on I’ve had friends who have eventually come out, but right now? None. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/8 "2009-11-07T16:14:18Z")
Probably a dozen or so friends I go out for a beer with on a semi-regular basis. Plus a cousin, some college friends who I’m still friends with, and a few work friends. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/9 "2009-11-07T16:19:49Z")
Zero. But then I have a fairly small social network so I’m sure a lot of demographics aren’t included. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/10 "2009-11-07T16:29:52Z")
I don’t know, I know a whole lot of gay people and could conceivably see having dinner with them, but I can only think of two off the top of my head that I see regularly in such a capacity. ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/11 "2009-11-07T16:53:25Z")
A couple of guys from college, I’m friends with. There’re a few more people at work I hang out with on a “prep periods in the faculty room and happy hours” basis. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/12 "2009-11-07T16:54:40Z")
Literally, dozens. I’m the token straight agnostic in a gay-friendly Christian church, and I do a lot of volunteer work there. I suspect that my address book is well over half gays and lesbians. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/13 "2009-11-07T17:02:13Z")
2 very close, go-on-vacation-with friends. At least 4-5 other friends, mostly from work. ---
**Author:** ![Svejk\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@Svejk\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Svejk_1)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/14 "2009-11-07T17:05:31Z")
Off the top of my head, out of around 150 people I am friends with on facebook, there’s maybe about 10 that are gay or Lesbian, and then there maybe some more that I might not know about or that I’m just not thinking of right now. And there’s my uncle, who’s not on facebook. ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/15 "2009-11-07T17:25:36Z")
Maybe 30 or 40 of my 250 Facebook friends, including former neighbors, co-workers, and classmates who I’d have a beer with if we were ever in the same city again. I can’t think of anyone I know around here, though. sigh. I really, really miss the gay neighborhood in Seattle I lived in for a decade. I miss drag queens and flamboyance and playful flirty banter with boys who will never get the wrong idea. I miss the Pride Parade. I miss triple-entendre. I miss the outrageously phallic stained-glass windows on the restored Victorian mansion I used to walk by every day. I miss manly men wearing pink. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/16 "2009-11-07T17:38:17Z")
> [@black\_rabbit](#): > > And by “friends with,” I mean “know well enough to have a couple of beers and/or a dinner party with.” If you count co-workers and the like I can think of five or ten. I’m not really the type that has friends so in that sense, zero. In the past though, I can think of four close friends right off the top of my head and I’m sure there are some “let’s-go-have-a-beer” level friends I am forgetting too. ---
**Author:** ![Hanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b3f665/32.png) [@Hanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hanna)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/17 "2009-11-07T17:41:12Z")
1. I probably have more who are casual acquaintances and details of their sexual preferences haven’t been brought up. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Rosetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Green\_Rosetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Rosetta)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/18 "2009-11-07T17:42:55Z")
All of my best/very close friends are gay (men) and a lot of my “regular” friends (I started counting, made it to 20, then figured it was a waste of time.) In thinking about how I’ve hung out with this week, every group has been made up of mostly gay men, and not the same ones, either. I work in theater/performing arts, and though it is a stereotype, there is definitely a higher proportion of gay men in that field, so that’s probably where it comes from, but I’m not sure. I’ve always had gay friends- I met my best friend (a gay man) when I was 13 and he was 15. People refer to me as a fag hag. I don’t mind it. I do have straight friends, it’s just that the majority of my friends are gay. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/19 "2009-11-07T17:44:10Z")
Out of the folks I know face-to-face, none that I know of, but that’s probably mostly due to the fact that I have a pretty small social circle. On this board, though, there are a fair amount of gay folks I wouldn’t mind having a few beers with (or the non-alcoholic equivalent). ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2009, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716/20 "2009-11-07T19:03:00Z")
Um… A couple of dozen? I simply don’t know the degree of gayness of many casual acquaintanes. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-folks-how-many-gay-people-are-you-friends-with/516716.md?page=2)