# Straight gentlemen, lesbian ladies: what do you find sexy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 28, 2005, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241 "2005-06-28T18:18:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/1 "2005-06-28T18:18:16Z")
This is part intellectual curiosity, part planning a story, part very small ego hoping not to get trampled into a depressed pancake. The media is saturated with images of bouncy tits and round asses, flat stomachs, stick thin thighs. It’s all very discouraging for a person with real world flaws. In trying to write a romance without falling into the trap of gorgeous woman with interesting hair/eye color combination and handsome man with interesting hair/eye color, broad shoulders and lyrically metaphored penis, I’m coming up a dry on inspiration. What do you find sexy in regular everyday kinds of women? - the ones who can’t spend $5000 on their wardrobe, wouldn’t be caught dead in Daisy Dukes, and are insecure about their boobies. What would you get lyrical about a regular gal who has caught your eye? What has made your heart (or other organ) go pitter pat over a girlfriend or lover? Tell. All. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/2 "2005-06-28T18:32:24Z")
She doesn’t have to have the perfect ass, bouncy tits, thin long legs and flat tummy. Hair colour doesn’t have to be any specific shade of anything. Eyes don’t have to be lipid azure pools or the colour of stormy seas. She can dress like an heiress or like a hip college chick on a budget. I hope for, but don’t expect all these things in one package. But 2/3’s will get me interested in finding out more. ---
**Author:** ![tremorviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@tremorviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tremorviolet)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/3 "2005-06-28T18:39:45Z")
Ok, I’m not a lesbian (or a man for that matter) but you just touched on a topic I’ve been thinking about recently. I wound up at a strip club this weekend (me and a bunch of girlfriends decided to crash a bachelor party) and it was an enlightening experience. I actually feel better about my figure after having been there. The girls _weren’t_ perfect and most of them didn’t have huge fake hooters (or even huge real one, several had perfectly cute smaller ones). There were skinny girls and girls I would consider overweight. But one thing they all had was confidence; they could walk around in a little, tiny g-string as if they were the sexiest girl on earth no matter what their shape. You know I’d always heard that confidence was one of the things that men found sexiest in a woman but I didn’t really believe it. But I think I get what they mean now… ---
**Author:** ![goBigRick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ce73a5/32.png) [@goBigRick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/goBigRick)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/4 "2005-06-28T18:52:16Z")
I think well above beauty, being somewhat shy and nerdy is the biggest turn on for me. A girl who knows her math/science/engineering will beat out big boobs and a nice ass any day for me. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/5 "2005-06-28T18:53:53Z")
Hmmmm… what would make me notice a girl who would not necessarily catch my eye with her looks? A girl who doesn’t seem to smile much but when she sees you her eyes light up and a big smile crosses her face. A girl who can read your emotions and immediately sympathizes with you “You look upset, are you okay?” A girl who remembers your likes days, weeks, months later and suprises you “You said you like brownies a few months ago, so I made you some for your birthday.” A girl who will whisper witty inside jokes to you in a crowded room and you can do the same back to her. Maybe some innocent contact like pushing you back if you make a joke that makes her laugh, or touching your arm and commenting on how she likes your shirt, rubs your head after you get a haircut. ---
**Author:** ![wasson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4da419/32.png) [@wasson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wasson)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/6 "2005-06-28T18:56:05Z")
I like thick-rimmed glasses on girls. I also don’t like them bone-thin. I like a little meat on the bones. Something soft when you hug them. But the absolute sexiest thing in the whole entire world is when a girl stretches just enough to reveal an inch or 2 of belly. Drives me crazy. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/7 "2005-06-28T19:10:04Z")
Women with glasses just kill me. A nice set of frames can turn a 5 into an 8 or a 10 into an 11. Glasses imply intelligence, but more than that, because women often have beautiful eyes already, a pair of glasses is like the perfect frame for two stunning works of art. Count me in for also not liking rail-thin waifs. Women with curves, women who feel nice when you hug them, women that many shallow asshole guys might dare dismiss as “fat” when indeed they’re just voluptuous and soft and… womanly. And if those women want to show a little belly or some cleavage, that is very sexy. Also, I like smart and funny, to the point of being sarcastic. There’s nothing like a girl who doesn’t take herself (or anything else) too seriously. She might be shy or demure on the surface, but can turn into a real fireball if you get her going. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/8 "2005-06-28T19:12:36Z")
That cute Russian girl that works down the hall from me that I see in the ‘kitchen’ and says hello to me. She is sexy. She doesn’t act like she thinks she is really beautiful and she had really georgous eyes and long beautiful hair that she usually wears up but on occasion she’ll wear it down just to knock the breath out of me. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/9 "2005-06-28T19:21:31Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > That cute Russian girl that works down the hall from me that I see in the ‘kitchen’ and says hello to me. She is sexy. She doesn’t act like she thinks she is really beautiful and she had really georgous eyes and long beautiful hair that she usually wears up but on occasion she’ll wear it down just to knock the breath out of me. Say: “Preevet. Kak della?” (Hey. How’s things?) “Mne nravetsa tvoyee volosy ee glaza!” (I like your hair and eyes.) “Ya hochoo vas sproseet na kofe so m’noy.” (I’d like to ask you out for coffee with me.) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/10 "2005-06-28T19:25:01Z")
> [@tremorviolet](#): > > But one thing they all had was confidence; they could walk around in a little, tiny g-string as if they were the sexiest girl on earth no matter what their shape. > > You know I’d always heard that confidence was one of the things that men found sexiest in a woman but I didn’t really believe it. But I think I get what they mean now… I’m confident that I’d find **Tremorviolet** very sexy if she walked around in a little, tiny g-string, her confidence on display for the world to see. And glasses. Yum. ---
**Author:** ![EarthStone777](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@EarthStone777](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EarthStone777)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/11 "2005-06-28T19:26:49Z")
**tremorviolet** is right on the money about confidence making more of a difference than anything else. **Hampshire** implied exactly what I was going to suggest… When writing stories, rather than describing the charectors physical looks, only describe their charectoristics, their emotions, the actions. It’s the things they do and why they do them that are the most important. And if it is a romance, it allows every reader to visualise themself in the lead roll. I write erotic short stories and the best one (in my and others opinion) had no description whatsoever of any of the participants. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/12 "2005-06-28T19:31:30Z")
Oh, and to the OP, **phouka** , if you’re writing a romance, there’s nothing hotter than a woman who takes it upon herself to seduce the man, especially if she’s older than him. If she’s sexually dominant and aggressive – as long as it’s all in good fun for both – that is just awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/13 "2005-06-28T19:35:27Z")
With regard to the story writing, some of the most effective descriptions of a woman (or man) are told from the perspective of a character who loves them, so whatever their characteristics, they are described in superlatives. For example, a man who loves a short woman would describe her height in such a way that being short seems like the penultimate achievement for a woman. Does that make any sense? ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/14 "2005-06-28T19:53:54Z")
Accents. I once dated this half Puerto Rican half Italien girl and we just couldn’t have a conversation. Five words beyond hello and the clothes were off. Of course it didn’t help that she had several other attributes on the list of things not to consider. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/15 "2005-06-28T20:19:03Z")
“I know everyone always says sense of humor, but I’d really have to go with breast size.” If they recognize that quote, then odds are I would find them attractive. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/16 "2005-06-28T20:33:28Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > This is part intellectual curiosity, part planning a story, part very small ego > What do you find sexy in regular everyday kinds of women? Above and beyond all else? Self confidence/self assurance combined with a warm, approchable personality. Those are my absolute prime requisites. The hottest supermodel in the world, lacking those qualities, would never get beyond the first date with me. That’s not everything, however. A strong sense of play, and a strong interest in playing with _me_ are necessary. If a girl doesn’t want to be around me, she loses a _huge_ amount of appeal. Who wants to waste time with someone that doesn’t like you? Not me! If she’s not up for goofing around (and I _don’t_ just mean sex, either!), she loses a lot of appeal. No ice bitches for me - I want someone who can get real, and have a good time. Beyond that, I’d ask that she not be grossly overweight, nor unhealthy through self-neglect. She needn’t be svelt, and health concerns that are being actively managed don’t bother me. Oh, and clean. Poor personal hygene will send me running. Beyond that, I’m pretty much open to a wide range of female attributes. I prefer long hair, but short can be very nice too. I _like_ small, well-formed breasts on tall, slender, athletic women, but large breasts (provided they’re not freakishly large) are fun, and there’s a lot to be said for a petite woman, too. Slender and athletic is great, but at times, I’ve found women that are more than a little soft and somewhat zaftig to be supremely hot - It’s all in how _whatever_ the ‘total package’ might be is delivered. I fell in love with a broad-shouldered, large-chested, muscular woman, despite my usual proclivities. She’s no super model, and she’s let herself go soft over time, but _by God_, she fires my engines! Her body will never be found in any magazine, but it gets me hot-n-bothered anyway, because it’s _hers_ - It comes attached to her mind and soul, and that’s plenty damned sexy for this guy. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/17 "2005-06-28T20:36:42Z")
A woman that walks with confidence or purpose. No meek, shoulder stooping, just a nice walk, knows where it’s going, probably with a cute little non-slutty wiggle. A ready smile, even better a smile that only I get. If I have to explain this, the point would be lost. A woman that responds. That looks me in the eys when we talk, that reacts and allows her feelings to show without putting on airs. Wardrobe only matters to the extent that she knows what she’ll look and feel comfortable and right in and doesn’t try to be what she’s not. And call me caveman, but a woman that smells nice. Eithere doesn’t wear any perfume, and I can just make out her shampoo or lotion when I’m this close, or wears just enough that I need to be drawn that close. ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/18 "2005-06-28T20:58:12Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > “I know everyone always says sense of humor, but I’d really have to go with breast size.” > > If they recognize that quote, then odds are I would find them attractive. Well then, come Nadia, let us dance like children of the night! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![nonacetone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonacetone/32/2819_2.png) [@nonacetone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nonacetone)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/19 "2005-06-28T21:52:55Z")
For me, as a woman, men that are confident (without being cocky), with a good sense of humor are winners in my book! They don’t have to look like they work out constantly, either. I like a REAL man, one that takes care of himself, but might have a few flaws. THAT is sexy! They don’t have to have a perfect body, a perfectly flat stomach, or whatever is in nowadays. They don’t have to look like Tom Cruise. I just have always thought the regular, run-of-the-mill man looks as sexy as you can get! I’m not into that ‘fancy’ stuff. The ‘fancy looking’ guys seem too fake to me. So sue me. I don’t have real high standards. I just think men are the sexiest thing out there and they don’t have to look like anything special. After all, there is just as much ‘sexy’ on the inside, as there is on the outside. ---
**Author:** ![the4thmooncat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce7236/32.png) [@the4thmooncat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the4thmooncat)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241/20 "2005-06-29T01:18:24Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > Hmmmm… > what would make me notice a girl who would not necessarily catch my eye with her looks? > > A girl who doesn’t seem to smile much but when she sees you her eyes light up and a big smile crosses her face. > > A girl who can read your emotions and immediately sympathizes with you “You look upset, are you okay?” > > A girl who remembers your likes days, weeks, months later and suprises you “You said you like brownies a few months ago, so I made you some for your birthday.” > > A girl who will whisper witty inside jokes to you in a crowded room and you can do the same back to her. > > Maybe some innocent contact like pushing you back if you make a joke that makes her laugh, or touching your arm and commenting on how she likes your shirt, rubs your head after you get a haircut. So, um… you going to be in Michigan any time soon? (Nothing to add yet - haven’t got it figured out if I’m attracted to girls or not. Sorry.) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-gentlemen-lesbian-ladies-what-do-you-find-sexy/310241.md?page=2)