# Straight guys in relationships: do you cover the expenses of meals and other outings with your mate? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 24, 2013, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766 "2013-06-24T07:38:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Q.N.Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3da27b/32.png) [@Q.N.Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.N.Jones)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/21 "2013-06-24T15:09:09Z")
I live with my fiance, but we keep our money separate (and probably will even after marriage). We pretty much just pay our own way when we eat out, unless it’s a special occasion or we are out with another couple. Then he will usually insist on paying. For the men who said they would rather not go out at all than let a woman pay–why? ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/22 "2013-06-24T15:26:47Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Both our paychecks go into the same bank account, so we have no 'it’s my money" nonsense - all our income is our money. I’m in this boat as well. I usually pay, occasionally she will if it’s a cash transaction and she has more cash on hand at that particular moment. When dating, I usually paid, and always offered to pay. Whenever a date wished to pay for something, the tip or maybe treating “this time”, I typically accepted. I’m not one to insult a date by suggesting she’s incapable of affording a meal. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/23 "2013-06-24T15:28:54Z")
Sure do. We split normal bills such as what comes in the mail. But when we’re out and about, the wife rarely has to use her own cash. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/24 "2013-06-24T15:54:13Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > They don’t “have” to. Women can certainly choose to look like shit. Hours spent blow-drying hair and agonizing over outfits and jewelry, a waxing regimen, fake nails, a full face of makeup, etc are not required to have a perfectly attractive presentation for dating. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/25 "2013-06-24T15:58:38Z")
While we were simply a couple, my answer would have been almost always. Every once in a while, SWMBO would spring for special events like my birthday or something like that, but I always paid the rest of the time unless she offered. Now that we are married, it all comes out of a common pot, so to speak, but I still am the one who hauls out the credit card. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/26 "2013-06-24T16:03:46Z")
I think it’s a completely different dynamic between the married couples, the serious relation couples, and 2 people that just started dating. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/27 "2013-06-24T16:11:54Z")
> [@Mr.Accident](#): > > Depends. We base it on who has more money, who’s idea it was, is it a special day, etc. Us too. Most of the time, it comes out of the joint account. > [@crucible](#): > > Women who ‘go out’ have to spend a lot more money getting ready to go, clothes, hair, adornments, etc. to make the evening pleasant for their escort. The OP was talking married/ long time couples. So I guess any war paint and bling and clothes are already owned and not especially bought for the occasion. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/28 "2013-06-24T16:13:49Z")
> [@crucible](#): > > Women who ‘go out’ have to spend a lot more money getting ready to go, clothes, hair, adornments, etc. to make the evening pleasant for their escort. Men? shower, throw on the duds, remember to bring the wallet. Exactly how are you posting from 1974? The internet hasn’t been invented yet! ---
**Author:** ![geneb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a88e4f/32.png) [@geneb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/geneb)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/29 "2013-06-24T16:40:12Z")
We’re married and pool our income but I tend to pay the check as Waxwinged tends to not have any sort of payment material with her and she doesn’t take spending money well. I honestly don’t recall what we did when we were dating, but my suspicion is that I tended to pay. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/30 "2013-06-24T16:41:56Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Married 25-plus years. When we go out, it usually comes out of my wallet. Both our paychecks go into the same bank account, so we have no 'it’s my money" nonsense - all our income is our money. Ditto ---
**Author:** ![Neodymium\_Lover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7993a0/32.png) [@Neodymium\_Lover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neodymium_Lover)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/31 "2013-06-24T17:36:35Z")
It’s interesting to compare the results of this poll with the results of [the one that inspired it](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=694137). The most popular result here is “always”, while the most popular result over there is “no” with “HELL no” being a close second. Definitely doesn’t represent the population in general, but it does show that female Dopers are a bit more “enlightened” regarding customary gender roles. No doubt after the efforts of feminists everywhere attempting to eliminate female gender roles while negligible efforts have been made to eliminate male ones (except when doing so benefits the female population). Everyone (girls and guys feel free to comment), what do you think of this? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/32 "2013-06-24T17:53:45Z")
When I was dating my wife for five years, I pretty much always paid. Now that we’re married, it doesn’t matter, and most of the important expenses she takes care of. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/33 "2013-06-24T18:00:33Z")
Sometimes we split, sometimes I pay, sometimes she pays. I pay more often, but I also make more money than she does. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/34 "2013-06-24T18:04:37Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Married 25-plus years. When we go out, it usually comes out of my wallet. Both our paychecks go into the same bank account, so we have no 'it’s my money" nonsense - all our income is our money. Pretty similar: even though we have separate bank accounts, all our money is inherently a single pool, so it really doesn’t matter who pays for dinner. But I almost always do. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/35 "2013-06-24T18:08:02Z")
I’m married, and our our money is pooled, so I pay out of habit - plus my wallet is convenient. She may pay if I’m short of cash in a fast food place, but that would be about it. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/36 "2013-06-24T18:42:52Z")
Married (20+ yrs) with pooled resources. I think he pays more often simply because it’s quicker for him to whip out his wallet than it is for me to do so. ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/37 "2013-06-24T18:57:10Z")
I make \>80% of our combined income, and I like fancy food. She pays for stuff when she instigates the outing (e.g. “Let’s get ice cream.”) She’s not going to ask to go to the French place and then ask me to pay for it. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/38 "2013-06-24T20:05:06Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > The OP was talking married/ long time couples. So I guess any war paint and bling and clothes are already owned and not especially bought for the occasion. 🙂 Depends on the occasion. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/39 "2013-06-24T20:07:15Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Married 25-plus years. When we go out, it usually comes out of my wallet. Both our paychecks go into the same bank account, so we have no 'it’s my money" nonsense - all our income is our money. This option as well. ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766/40 "2013-06-24T20:09:11Z")
Well, I selected Always, though the reality is our finances are totally integrated, so it’s kind of a moot point. But I usually am the one to give the credit card to the wait person, simply because my wife thinks it’s a hassle. She generally tells me what to tip though, so it all works out. 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-guys-in-relationships-do-you-cover-the-expenses-of-meals-and-other-outings-with-your-mate/661766.md?page=3)