# Straight men want to have gay sex with me **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 24, 2012, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724 "2012-09-24T23:38:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![\_Olive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/4af34b/32.png) [@\_Olive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Olive)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/21 "2012-09-25T08:18:50Z")
I have a friend that insists he is straight. He has no trouble telling me he has sex with men. When I said I thought that made him bisexal he insisted I was wrong. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/22 "2012-09-25T08:32:09Z")
> [@\_Olive](#): > > I have a friend that insists he is straight. He has no trouble telling me he has sex with men. When I said I thought that made him bisexal he insisted I was wrong. It appears there are some men that consider gay and straight lifestyles instead of orientations, so when they insist they are straight but have sex with men what they are really saying is that they are not stereotypically gay(or bisexual). In their own minds gay and bisexual mean more than just who someone is attracted to. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/23 "2012-09-25T08:50:17Z")
> [@KermitTheFrig](#): > > You read the part where one of them blew him, right? Do you believe everything you read? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/24 "2012-09-25T09:08:48Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > I’ve listened to the Savage Love podcast enough to hear about the phenomenon of otherwise straight guys who apparently feel the need for some dick every now and again. And some gay guys apparently like some action with FTM transsexuals who still have vaginas (so, they look like dudes everywhere except between their legs). > > Humans are strange animals and don’t always fit into neat black and white categories. This was, pretty much verbatim, the thing I was going to post. There really are a small but significant number of straight-identified men who do indeed occasionally want to suck cock but are not interested in any other form of gay sex or gay relationship; likewise there are some (some!) lesbians who occasionally also want a bit of cock in them. You can argue about the labels but that would be missing the point entirely. And while none of that solves the OP’s problem, it’s definitely not something that only exists in the realm of fantasy. I’ve never met you, **boytyperanma** but apparently there’s something about you that appeals to this particular subgroup. The best advice I can offer you is to reassure them that you are aware of people like them, that you’re not interested in them, and then point them at Dan Savage. Actually, scratch that: if this is a seriously bothersome problem, point \*yourself \*at Dan Savage. He’ll give you better advice about what to do with these people than we can. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/25 "2012-09-25T09:22:25Z")
Stealth brag much? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/26 "2012-09-25T10:31:59Z")
Gosh **boytyperanma** , your’e _right_ to dismiss **panache45’s** thoughts on the matter. Obviously you’re a soujurner in Man’s Quest for Higher Meaning through Blowjobs, and your dismal reward was to find yourself alone in a world of closet-cases and cheaters. Truly _you_ are the _only_ honest man here. Pease, pin the Congressional Medal of Out over that wounded yet proud heart of yours. (that’s what you came here to hear, right?) > [@An\_Gadai](#): > > Stealth brag much? 🙂 Well, we’ve all stealth-bragged. And we’ve all of us, exclusively straight; bi; and exclusively gay, done essentially meaninless things that had the potential to hurt people unless we dealt with it like mature adults, kept it to ourselves and let time do its job. But of course, it’s always easier to use other people’s bullshit as a smokescreen for our own. ---
**Author:** ![manila](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@manila](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manila)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/27 "2012-09-25T13:14:06Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I may be wrong about this; in fact I hope I’m wrong about this: > > The needle of my Truth-O-Meter is stuck at zero. It’s the most ubiquitous gay fantasy: to have sex with hot straight guys . . . and closeted construction worker-types are way up there. I think the OP needs to learn the difference between a fantasy and reality. > > Like I said, I hope I’m wrong. Nope, I think you nailed it! Unless he is so hot that he turns straight guys gay? You never really know but you can guess ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/28 "2012-09-25T13:46:54Z")
I must be the world’s most credulous dunce. The story **boytyperanma** told didn’t strike me as inherently incredible. I didn’t really get the idea that nabbing a straight guy was such a common gay fantasy, but given the opprobrium still faced by those living a gay lifestyle, I have no problem believing there are closeted gay men, and bi-curious men that live straight lives, and can’t see why it’s unrealistic to hear about someone encountering them. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/29 "2012-09-25T13:55:04Z")
I managed a flowershop a few years back, and the guy who delivered flowers for me was an attractive, muscular, but obviously effeminate gay guy who spent a lot of time working out at the 24 hour gym. Straight guys hounded him. Came in the shop and bought flowers for wives or girlfriends, and always had some reason to talk to Tommy personally “about the delivery”. Tommy took his lunch and met the guys at his nearby apartment. We had a running joke “when you taking lunch today, Tommy?” “Oh, you know, whenever something comes up.” _wink_ Straight guys from the gym buying flowers for women while picking up Tommy were a big part of my weekday customer base. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/30 "2012-09-25T14:18:38Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#): > > One of the aspects that always bothers me when guys confide to me is **I come before their wives and girl friends**. [my bold] Well, there’s your answer right there. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Dr\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Doom)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/31 "2012-09-25T14:43:38Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#): > > Why’s the fact he’s married have to be my responsibility? Shouldn’t people be responsible for their own marriages? Umm, maybe because > [@](#): > > I talk to this guys wife. I occasionally have dinner with them… ? Dude, WTF were you thinking? I totally understand that the human male tendency to promiscuity isn’t limited to only straight men, but have a tiny bit of good judgement? It’s not like he was some stranger at a bar who happened to be wearing a wedding ring. I really don’t know how you can remain friends with this married couple after what (the two of) you have done. You’ve joined the ranks of those with whom this guy has cheated on his wife. Congrats. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/32 "2012-09-25T15:02:08Z")
The strangest encounter I ever had was a woman who asked me to hit on her husband. She was convinced he was bi but didn’t want to admit it. I talked to him and got the same impression, but didn’t pursue doing anything with him. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/33 "2012-09-25T15:44:07Z")
In my 20’s I was actually a pretty hot looking dude (sadly, time and age is an evil master). In NYC, my boss - married with kids - was constantly hitting on me; grabbing my ass, offering me money to have sex with him, giving me work assignments so I would have to arrive at the office when only he and I were there. I hated this guy and had to quite literally fight him off me on more than one occasion. He just (incorrectly) assumed because I was Gay I would have sex with any and every guy who approached me. (Oh, the lawsuit for sexual harassment I could have had today!!) In Berlin, this happened even more often - I chalked it up to Europeans being more liberal - but it was the same nonsense. Again, a boss at a magazine would call me late at night and ask me to come over to his house (I declined every time), a co-worker teacher would get drunk and call/stop by and want to have sex (no thanks) and there were several other experiences like this. I don’t deny having the fantasies of the super hot construction worker stop by after work, or having that cop come home and frisk me, or whatever. But I am talking about real-life instances where I was not attracted one iota, and yet would get the unwanted advances by guys who were either married with women or at least dated only women on a regular basis. I learned my lesson in the (very few) times I actually did stupidly agree to have sex with some guy like this - the guilty looks afterwards, the awkward moments when we later met. I had one guy spread rumors that I was the one who practically tried to rape him and he heroically fought me off (found that story out from a mutual friend), despite the fact that everyone knew he had been coming on to me for months. In other words, this was never a wonderful experience and I quickly learned to avoid the dreaded closet queens and their drama. I figured many of these guys simply did not know any/many Gay guys and assumed I was safe with this secret and would leap at the chance to have sex with them. Many were pissed off when I refused (especially if they were drunk), others were simply incredulous that any guy would not want to have sex with them when offered the chance. Did this happen daily/weekly/monthly? No. But it did happen enough to become annoying. I admire the OP for even taking the time to have long(er) conversations with some of these guys. I was far less compassionate. My answer was usually a quick, “No.” and move on. My guess is that some (perhaps lesser attractive) women can tell you stories of hotter guys offering to give them pity sex - thinking they would leap at the chance. I am sure there are even hetero guys who have had women they were not at all attracted to offer to have sex with them. And while I don’t doubt there are people who will sleep with anybody, whenever they have the chance, most people do have their standards and know whom to avoid and when to avoid them. My advice to the OP is just do your best to ignore these types of guys and change the subject, walk away and trust your gut feeling. In the 50’s or 60’s this might have been a sad case of no other opportunities - but this is 2012 and there is no need to waste your time on some self-loathing closet case. It will not turn out well. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/34 "2012-09-25T16:19:44Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > You are one of the pillars of the internet. Aw, shucks. 🙂 My questioning is limited to how straight the guys in question are; I don’t have a problem with **Boytyperanma’s** story. Human sexuality is very complex, and people who aren’t comfortable with their sexuality in a world where they don’t feel free to be who they are could act in strange ways. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/35 "2012-09-25T16:27:39Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#): > > I’d never felt shame before when it came to sex. I don’t know why I did it. It goes completely against many of the rules I’ve established over the years. You are the other _woman_ now, in your friend’s wife’s eyes. If she were to ever find out. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/36 "2012-09-25T17:17:59Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > You are the other _woman_ now, in your friend’s wife’s eyes. If she were to ever find out. Well, except for the fact that he is a man. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/37 "2012-09-25T17:36:00Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Well, except for the fact that he is a man. I got that with the sucking dick and all. Hence the italics. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/38 "2012-09-25T17:44:24Z")
maybe if we poured some water on it, it might shrivel and disappear. ---
**Author:** ![MostlyClueless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@MostlyClueless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MostlyClueless)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/39 "2012-09-25T20:03:21Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > I got that with the sucking dick and all. Hence the italics. May I recommend single or double quotation marks? Italics are usually interpreted as emphasis. [/pedant] ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/40 "2012-09-25T22:29:37Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > I must be the world’s most credulous dunce. > > The story **boytyperanma** told didn’t strike me as inherently incredible. I didn’t really get the idea that nabbing a straight guy was such a common gay fantasy, but given the opprobrium still faced by those living a gay lifestyle, I have no problem believing there are closeted gay men, and bi-curious men that live straight lives, and can’t see why it’s unrealistic to hear about someone encountering them. There are at least three groups of people on these forums (and many others but this is the second worst for it I’ve been on) though: a) People who love trying to find falsehoods in things people say. They will even go to a considerable amount of effort and “research” to back up their theories. I call them internet defectives. b) People who claim men are starting threads for masturbation reasons. Something that probably has never actually happened c) The rest of us [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724.md?page=3)