# Straight men want to have gay sex with me **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 24, 2012, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724 "2012-09-24T23:38:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Pitchmeister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pitchmeister/32/3459_2.png) [@Pitchmeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pitchmeister)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/41 "2012-09-25T22:38:18Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > There are at least three groups of people on these forums (and many others but this is the second worst for it I’ve been on) though: > > a) People who love trying to find falsehoods in things people say. They will even go to a considerable amount of effort and “research” to back up their theories. I call them internet defectives. > > b) People who claim men are starting threads for masturbation reasons. Something that probably has never actually happened > > c) The rest of us Well, to be fair, the people in category a) are sometimes right, unfortunately… ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/42 "2012-09-25T23:06:01Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#): > > Why’s the fact he’s married have to be my responsibility? Shouldn’t people be responsible for their own marriages? It’s not your responsibility, but proceeding regardless of his status was in bad taste. The “other woman” thing is pretty entertaining, FWIW. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/43 "2012-09-25T23:12:06Z")
Okay, doubters, here is a test. Go to Craigslist. Your town or the nearest big city. Check the missed connections, gay male or casual section. Search with married, straight, wedding band/ring. Take note of the straight guys looking for oral from other men. It’s frequent, it’s common; it’s a thing. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/44 "2012-09-25T23:23:11Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > There are at least three groups of people on these forums (and many others but this is the second worst for it I’ve been on) though: > > a) People who love trying to find falsehoods in things people say. They will even go to a considerable amount of effort and “research” to back up their theories. I call them internet defectives. > > b) People who claim men are starting threads for masturbation reasons. **Something that probably has never actually happened** > > c) The rest of us I wouldn’t be so sure about that:eek: But to get back to the OP, dude you need to back away from guy number two. If you know he has been sleeping around with multiple people, you are putting YOURSELF at risk. I doubt a serious perv like him bothers to be safe or use protection while cheating on his wife. And even if you don’t feel a moral obligation to tell her, you should at least have an ethical one, because who knows how many STDs she has been exposed to and placed at risk for. Both you and she need to get tested ASAP. That guy is a serious selfish a-hole. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/45 "2012-09-25T23:35:18Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > [This guy has an almost, but not completely dissimilar issue](http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock,10861/) ahahahahahahahahaha…OMG stop, I can’t breathe. HOWEVER, satire though this may be the article did have one interesting quote about how it isn’t adultery if a straight guy has sex with a man. I think this isn’t anything new, (see bacha bazi, castrati, ancient Greeks, pedastry etc.) This is a reoccurring theme throughout history and society. Nothing new, but dud you have to realize you are being used. They don’t care or respect you any more than their wives or girlfriends they are trying to cheat on with you. (I hope I didn’t offend, because the few examples I could think of off the top of my head generally involve adolescents and I in no way mean to imply closeted gay males are all pedophiles!! In fact, the guys who did/do participate in this extramarital same sex affairs do label themselves as straight. I too am confused by the apparent cognitive dissonance.) ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/46 "2012-09-25T23:48:54Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#): > > This is a reoccurring thing for me. I’d really prefer it wasn’t… If you are male and they are male then they are not straight. > [@boytyperanma](#): > > A friend from high school…Out of the blue he messaged me saying ‘I want to suck your dick.’ He is bisexual maybe, but he is not straight. > [@boytyperanma](#): > > …another guy…He has a thing for transvestites and chicks with dicks. C’mon, this guy is not straight. Not close to straight. Does “straight” now mean something other than 100% heterosexual? ---
**Author:** ![typoink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@typoink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typoink)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/47 "2012-09-25T23:54:00Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#): > > Talking to guys about sexuality I have no issues with, its the personal interest in me that gets me uncomfortable. Closeted guys creep me out. The dishonesty with themselves and their partners really bothers me. I don’t want to be part of it. I have no interest in having sex with guys who are not openly gay. While the situations you’re discussing are problematic in plenty of ways, this statement is one I think you might want to look at another way: the guys you’re describing aren’t “closeted gays.” They’re likely bisexual, and possibly only slightly so. The notion that men who are interested in any male intimacy are “secretly gay” is itself an outgrowth of homophobic thinking. Sexuality can be a much more fluid thing, and sometimes people like experimenting and playing. A man can desire sex with another man without being gay, and that doesn’t need to involve any dishonesty – to himself or otherwise. That’s not to say you can’t choose to only have sex with openly gay men; it’s fine to be attracted to people of an orientation. But be cautious of considering somebody to be dishonest because they may have a nonbinary orientation or even simple curiosity outside their orientation. ---
**Author:** ![boytyperanma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@boytyperanma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boytyperanma)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/48 "2012-09-26T03:37:35Z")
> [@manila](#): > > Unless he is so hot that he turns straight guys gay? You never really know but you can guess > [@An\_Gadai](#): > > Stealth brag much? 🙂 Kinda like the kid picked last in gym class bragging about being picked. I’m not so attractive I turn straight men gay, I’ve been putting minimal effort into my appearance, my ability to attract men I’m interested is quite low as it stands. I’m the only option these particular guys looking to have gay sex see as available. > [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Pease, pin the Congressional Medal of Out over that wounded yet proud heart of yours. (that’s what you came here to hear, right?) Coming to the Straight Dope for actual emotional support would be a lost cause. Anyone doing so is more likely to receive ridicule for having emotions to begin with. > [@DMark](#): > > My advice to the OP is just do your best to ignore these types of guys and change the subject, walk away and trust your gut feeling. Unfortunately my guy feeling is to try and to help them emotionally. Walking away is probably a better option. > [@April\_R](#): > > If you know he has been sleeping around with multiple people, you are putting YOURSELF at risk. I doubt a serious perv like him bothers to be safe or use protection while cheating on his wife. And even if you don’t feel a moral obligation to tell her, you should at least have an ethical one, because who knows how many STDs she has been exposed to and placed at risk for. Both you and she need to get tested ASAP. That guy is a serious selfish a-hole. :mad: It’s a fact of gay life that men willing to sleep around are a risk. The fact that particular guy also sleeps with women doesn’t change much. If I wanted to eliminate risk I’d have to do away with a sex life all together or look for that one guy abstaining from sex before marriage I’d have no interest in. I’m well aware risk and safer sex practices and am tested regularly. I have no intention of not having sex. I understand the disasters brought by promiscuous partners but do not feel an ethical obligation to be the STD police. I’m not going to go around informing people of their partners promiscuity. I’ll stick to the role of confidant and recommend safer sex. > [@colonial](#): > > If you are male and they are male then they are not straight. > [@colonial](#): > > He is bisexual maybe, but he is not straight. > [@colonial](#): > > C’mon, this guy is not straight. Not close to straight. > [@colonial](#): > > Does “straight” now mean something other than 100% heterosexual? Maybe you could read the thread rather then harp on the thread title, it was somewhat in jest and somewhat true. As I mentioned up thread if someone identifies as straight that’s the orientation I identify them as regardless of what their actions might imply. We’ll try to write up a list someday, so you can neatly categorize people under your black and white definitions. It’ll be rather short so you can easily follow along. > [@typoink](#): > > While the situations you’re discussing are problematic in plenty of ways, this statement is one I think you might want to look at another way: the guys you’re describing aren’t “closeted gays.” They’re likely bisexual, and possibly only slightly so. > > The notion that men who are interested in any male intimacy are “secretly gay” is itself an outgrowth of homophobic thinking. I think we view the term ‘closeted’ very differently, as you define it it seems it could never apply to a bisexual. I believe someone can be in the closet about one aspect of their sexuality. > [@typoink](#): > > Sexuality can be a much more fluid thing, and sometimes people like experimenting and playing. A man can desire sex with another man without being gay, and that doesn’t need to involve any dishonesty – to himself or otherwise. Sexual desire doesn’t represent any dishonesty, dishonesty comes about when they feel that the desire needs to be keep secret from themselves or otherwise. > [@typoink](#): > > That’s not to say you can’t choose to only have sex with openly gay men; it’s fine to be attracted to people of an orientation. But be cautious of considering somebody to be dishonest because they may have a nonbinary orientation or even simple curiosity outside their orientation. It is an arbitrary limitation I impose for my own well being. I don’t think men who are bisexual or in that vast gray area of sexuality are inherently dishonest. Guys who are willing to cheat on their partners in order to pursue sexual relations regardless of gender are dishonest. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/49 "2012-09-26T09:22:21Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#): > > Unfortunately my **guy** feeling is to try and to help them emotionally. Walking away is probably a better option. I’m trying to decide if that’s a typo or not. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/50 "2012-09-26T10:16:49Z")
Another question, also because of Dmark’s story. How agressive would you say your experiences were? In my experience as a woman, men can range from politely pursuing you to aggressively demanding sex as if it is their right. Somehow, the persistance in both your stories seems quite aggressive to me. Even after a clear “no” they are still adamant that you should want to have sex with them. Just because you are gay, they have a right to have sex with you. Were you ever intimidated at any point? Not necessarily scared, they were sort-of friends after all, but being pursued can be intimidating if they won’t give up. I wonder about this, because some it sounds like experiences I have had with men who think they are entitled to have sex with me because I am a woman. So I’m wondering if it is also partially homophobic: they think they have a right to have sex with you. I think to me, that might be the most upsetting thing. You think you’re friends, turns out they see you as a sex object. But maybe I’m reading too much into this? ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/51 "2012-09-26T10:49:38Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > I am sure there are even hetero guys who have had women they were not at all attracted to offer to have sex with them. I get that a lot. 🆒 But they almost always want money. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/52 "2012-09-26T15:13:46Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#): > > Maybe you could read the thread rather then harp on the thread title,… Maybe you are somehow overlooking the fact that I went well past the thread title with my comments. I will sometimes not go past OP when I reply to an OP. Doing so leads to occasional usually trivial redundancy which should not be enough to bother anyone. > [@boytyperanma](#): > > it was somewhat in jest and somewhat true. There was no semblance or vestige of jest in OP. > [@boytyperanma](#): > > As I mentioned up thread if someone identifies as straight that’s the orientation I identify them as regardless of what their actions might imply. That is as silly as accepting self-identification as a liberal by someone who is opposed to equal civil rights for women, ethnic minorities and non-heterosexuals. > [@boytyperanma](#): > > We’ll try to write up a list someday, so you can neatly categorize people under your black and white definitions. It’ll be rather short so you can easily follow along. My definitions accurately describe reality. Yours do not. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/53 "2012-09-26T15:34:40Z")
**colonial** , you might enjoy arguing with the DMV, as I was required to select the term “white” to describe my general appearance. Chalk is white. Clouds are often white. The letters on my tires: white. My skin color ranges from pink, to peach, tan to brown. Sunburned red on occasion. But white? Not even on the day I was born. Persons of African descent might also point out that the myriad shades of brown skin they sport isn’t black as coal. What’s the story? You reckon that the world isn’t actually black and white? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/54 "2012-09-26T16:07:34Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#): > > \ > Coming to the Straight Dope for actual emotional support would be a lost cause. Anyone doing so is more likely to receive ridicule for having emotions to begin with. > \ That is unfortunately too often true. > [@colonial](#): > > Maybe you are somehow overlooking the fact that I went well past the thread title > with my comments. I will sometimes not go past OP when I reply to an OP. Doing so > leads to occasional usually trivial redundancy which should not be enough to bother anyone. Well, actually, these are discussions here, not soliloquies. If people want to participate in them, it would behoove them to read everyone else’s contributions. That’s my opinion on the subject, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/55 "2012-09-26T16:21:57Z")
Colonial, you seem confused. Let me help you by pointing out the following two obvious facts: 1. There is no official committee on what words mean. 2. There is no reason why someone’s full set of sexual desires and identifications must fit neatly into a one-word description. So, if a guy only wants relationships with women and only has a general sexual attraction to women but wants to do something with a dick every now and again, it is ok to call that person straight because mostly they are. Describing theirfull sexual feelings etc just takes more words than one, and that’s ok. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/56 "2012-09-26T16:27:42Z")
**boytyperanma** , maybe the shame belongs to your cheating, in denial partners. In a perfect world curious straight guys would be single when the urge to experiment arises, but it’s much easier to deny bicuriosity when one is going home to a heterosexual partner. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/57 "2012-09-26T16:28:47Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#): > > I don’t know why I did it. I do. He wore you down. I’m not going to say you’re blameless, but it’s understandable. ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/58 "2012-09-26T16:42:13Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > colonial, you might enjoy arguing with the DMV, as I was required to select the term “white” to describe my general appearance. The appropriate DMV analogy would be eye color, not race. > [@Troppus](#): > > Chalk is white. Clouds are often white. The letters on my tires: white. My skin color ranges from pink, to peach, tan to brown. Sunburned red on occasion. But white? Not even on the day I was born. Persons of African descent might also point out that the myriad shades of brown skin they sport isn’t black as coal. In the context of racial skin tone “white” and “black” are conventional cultural terms, not meant to be literally accurate. However, eye color is meant to be literally accurate. > [@Troppus](#): > > What’s the story? You reckon that the world isn’t actually black and white? The story is that the world is actually sometimes is black and white, as you note in your edit. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/59 "2012-09-26T16:52:24Z")
> [@colonial](#): > > The appropriate DMV analogy would be eye color, not race. > > In the context of racial skin tone “white” and “black” are conventional cultural terms, > not meant to be literally accurate. However, eye color is meant to be literally accurate. > > The story is that the world is actually sometimes is black and white, as you note in your edit. Culturally, my ancestors are English, Scottish, and Native American. I’m white-ish. And as others keep telling you, sexuality is a spectrum. Sometimes, a pendulum. But rarely is it an absolute. ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724/60 "2012-09-26T17:24:17Z")
> [@Rand Rover](#): > > Colonial, you seem confused. Let me help you by pointing out the following two obvious facts: > > There is no official committee on what words mean. The only confusion rests with people like you who are somehow unaware of the obvious fact that precise definition is essential to the precise expression of precise thought, and we do not need any committee to inform us of the obvious need for precision. > [@Rand Rover](#): > > There is no reason why someone’s full set of sexual desires and identifications must fit neatly into a one-word description. Yes there is a reason, addressed above. And it so happens there are words available which provide neat fits. > [@Rand Rover](#): > > So, if a guy only wants relationships with women and only has a general sexual attraction to women but wants to do something with a dick every now and again, it is ok to call that person straight because mostly they are. Describing theirfull sexual feelings etc just takes more words than one, and that’s ok. This approach does nothing but introduce a needless and specious ambiguity. Instead of a simple and accurate “yes or no” with a clear-cut boundary, you would impose a yes, no or maybe situation, with an arbitrary boundary forming the transition from “maybe” to “yes” or “no”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-men-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-me/635724.md?page=4)