# Straight people: have you "come out" as straight in the workplace? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 5, 2012, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283 "2012-07-05T07:23:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/21 "2012-07-05T17:44:35Z")
The difference between being in the closet, and being private, is that you go to some lengths to MISLEAD others into believing something about your sexuality that isn’t true. For example, I by no stretch of the imagination consider myself “in the closet.” But I am private about my sex life with most coworkers and some family. If they ask about my relationship status, sex life, preferences, etc, and I don’t feel comfortable talking about it, I’ll just say “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that kind of stuff. I’m a pretty private person.” So, in my definition, a straight person would be “in the closet” if they were going out of their way to make people somehow believe they were gay. This could be done in a number of ways, including acting stereotypically gay, lying about being gay, being with someone of the same sex just for show, etc. Otherwise you are just private, and that’s the end of it. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/22 "2012-07-05T18:16:51Z")
I haven’t come out as straight. I \*never \*talk about my relationships at work. I’m childless and not married, though, if that makes a difference. A lot of my coworkers have pictures of their kids or spouses in their cubes, so I guess they’re considered openly “out.” But even if I were married or a parent, I’m not the type to advertise it in the workplace. I’m not defensive about it. But I \*am \*adept at redirecting conversation to avoid getting asked things I’d rather not talk about (like marital status, parental status, political stuff). ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/23 "2012-07-05T18:37:22Z")
In gay coming out stories, there is often an element where a person (usually around pueberty) finds themselves attracted to a MOTSS and “realizes” they were gay. In discussing Dr. Who, I’ve pointed to the first time I saw [Elizabeth Sladen wearing a tastefully snug outfit in “Planet of Evil”](http://shillpages.com/dw/story/d4/st--4h01.jpg) as the moment where I realized I was het. So there’s that. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/24 "2012-07-05T18:39:11Z")
> [@Hogfather65](#): > > Bull! - thats almost as bad as saying that inside every straight person a gay person is waiting to come out. Peoples sexuality is private - why should anyone come out straight or gay? It’s just a joke, and you’ve said what I actually think about the subject. Mostly anyway, I don’t want porn starlets to keep their sexuality private. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/25 "2012-07-05T18:44:03Z")
Many of those at work have met my wife and my girlfriend so they assume correctly that I’m straight. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/26 "2012-07-05T18:56:22Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Many of those at work have met my wife and my girlfriend so they assume correctly that I’m straight. If you have a wife and a girlfriend I’d assume a lot more about you. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/27 "2012-07-05T18:57:18Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Many of those at work have met my wife and my girlfriend so they assume correctly that I’m straight. How does your wife’s boyfriend feel about this relationship? ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/28 "2012-07-05T18:57:27Z")
I met my husband at work so for that job it was pretty clear. 10 years later we again worked at the same company for 5 years and since our last name is distinctive and rare it was pretty obvious. I’ve mentioned my husband at work a few times in the new job, mostly at lunches or in relation to vacation discussions. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/29 "2012-07-05T19:13:31Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > How does your wife’s boyfriend feel about this relationship? She is currently not seeing anyone as far as I know. ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/30 "2012-07-05T19:41:32Z")
My wife worked here for a while, so I guess it became pretty obvious. Fortunately, I wasn’t subjected to any discrimination from any heterophobic co-workers, as far as I’m aware. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/31 "2012-07-05T19:57:39Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > If you have a wife and a girlfriend I’d assume a lot more about you. Yeah, I had no idea **Loach** was French! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/32 "2012-07-05T20:10:12Z")
> [@Shalmanese](#): > > So far, it looks 10 - 15% of straight people have never “come out” at work. Presumably, no straight person is ashamed of their sexuality so not coming out has more to do with desiring privacy or feeling that it’s not relevant to the conversation (the reason Anderson Cooper gave). In most other jobs, my coworkers knew I was straight, but the two women I work most closely with right now… one of them is the kind who acts sweetly but who will backstab you at the first chance, just because she can (I’ve seen it a couple of times and I’ve only known her for a few months); the other one apparently can’t mention anybody without talking dirty about them - she refers to her current boyfriend as “the schmuck”! Not the kind of people to whom I want to give any personal information. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/33 "2012-07-05T20:14:06Z")
I’ve had people assume I was gay, and assume I was straight, but never had anybody ask me directly. So I guess I haven’t come out yet. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/34 "2012-07-05T20:18:50Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Yeah, I had no idea **Loach** was French! What did I ever do to deserve such insults? ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/35 "2012-07-05T20:30:03Z")
Yes to the first four … I’ve never felt the need to clarify that I’m not a lesbian. My coworkers know all about my thing for Joe Manganiello 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/36 "2012-07-05T20:31:42Z")
I have, by proxy. I was recruited to my current position from another department in the same company. Almost everyone on my new team is gay and out. So when my new position was announced, people were aflutter with speculation I was gay too. I guess they thought my new boss was assembling his own little fabulous gay office army. I’m not gay. However, I don’t really discuss my personal life at work, so I can see how my sexuality was a big question mark to most people. No one ever asked me directly, but a coworker who knew me and had met my ex-boyfriend set everyone straight, so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/37 "2012-07-05T20:48:56Z")
For the record, not that I have to come out of the closet to any of you, yes I have a wife and a girlfriend. Been separated and going through a divorce for about 3 years. Been dating my girlfriend for 1.5 years. ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2012, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/38 "2012-07-06T01:24:49Z")
> [@Geek\_Mecha](#): > > I was recruited to my current position from another department in the same company. Almost everyone on my new team is gay and out. So when my new position was announced, people were aflutter with speculation I was gay too. I guess they thought my new boss was assembling his own little fabulous gay office army. If you have a home decorating problem, if no one else can help with your bad hair days, and if you can find them in that dark closet, maybe you can hire: the gay-team. ---
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2012, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/39 "2012-07-06T02:07:08Z")
When I was at dance school I took an IT contract during the break and got ‘outed’ as straight. For some odd reasons, the entire team and around it were all quite conservative christians which is fairly unusual in NZ. They decided I was gay due to the dance school thing, and quite openly homophobic as a result, so it gave me some kind of glance into how it can be as it was constant. I didnt clarify things and just got on with the job. After about a month they saw me with a female friend at lunch and decided I must be straight after all. Idjits. Otara ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2012, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283/40 "2012-07-06T02:44:11Z")
I’ve been doing some part time work lately. Today, the secretary came in to tell me that my wife was at the office ready to go to lunch, so between that and the wedding ring, I’m pretty sure I’ve outed myself as straight. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-people-have-you-come-out-as-straight-in-the-workplace/627283.md?page=3)