# Straight women: would you tolerate being with a man who wanted oral and nothing else? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 7, 2015, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837 "2015-10-07T17:38:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/41 "2015-10-08T17:03:03Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > “And we’re back! Fuck and Fellatio in the Morning, comin’ up on the top of the hour…” No matter how much I try, I can’t not read that in the voice of Troy and Abed. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/42 "2015-10-08T17:09:10Z")
When it comes to sexual acts I like some variety, so no, but I also wouldn’t be happy about any other one single way of doing things. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/43 "2015-10-08T23:01:32Z")
Nope. I like variety. Oral is great - giving and receiving - but there are so many other fun and naughty things one can do that being limited to only that would not fly with me whatsoever. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/44 "2015-10-08T23:37:27Z")
I like variety as much as the next girl, but I have been in a relationship with a man with ED, and given his limitations, oral was what worked for him. Was it ideal? Nope, but it wasn’t a deal breaker either, and I was getting as well as giving. In a relationship where I’m the only one doing all the giving? There better be some other benefits, though that starts to feel a little skeevy to me. ---
**Author:** ![TheSpeculationElucidation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@TheSpeculationElucidation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheSpeculationElucidation)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2015, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/45 "2015-10-10T06:02:05Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > And by the way, oral \*\*\*IS \*\*\*sex. Perhaps to you, bu 80% of undergraduate students in a 2007 survey would disagree with you. Clinton-Lewinsky changed how young adults view oral. I don’t view sex as black and white, but that’s another discussion. I enjoy giving oral and not receiving. But ONLY doing that… Not so much. Be fair. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2015, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/46 "2015-10-10T06:26:51Z")
> [@TheSpeculationElucidation](#): > > Perhaps to you, bu 80% of undergraduate students in a 2007 survey would disagree with you. Clinton-Lewinsky changed how young adults view oral. Did it? The incident of “the poster-American-girl from the Midwest who was brought by her roommate to the UoM Cooking Club to see if us Hispanic women could explain that fellatio is sex, therefore she had actually had sex with a Hispanic guy on their first date (initiating it herself) and that explained why he was following her around like a lost puppy” took place in 1995. She’d gone down on him because it had been such an enjoyable date that she was really, really grateful, but she didn’t want to have sex on the first date because good girls don’t do that. ---
**Author:** ![TheSpeculationElucidation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@TheSpeculationElucidation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheSpeculationElucidation)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2015, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/47 "2015-10-10T07:08:36Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Did it? The incident of “the poster-American-girl from the Midwest who was brought by her roommate to the UoM Cooking Club to see if us Hispanic women could explain that fellatio is sex, therefore she had actually had sex with a Hispanic guy on their first date (initiating it herself) and that explained why he was following her around like a lost puppy” took place in 1995. > > She’d gone down on him because it had been such an enjoyable date that she was really, really grateful, but she didn’t want to have sex on the first date because good girls don’t do that. Sorry, you’ve lost me. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2015, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/48 "2015-10-10T07:17:41Z")
Some Americans already had the notion that “oral isn’t sex” and “anal isn’t sex” pre-Lewinsky; pointing out that by their definitions a person who’d only had gay sex was a virgin was always fun. It appears to have been more common in some areas than in others. After the incident of Ms. “it was such a great date but I’m a good girl so I didn’t want to bring him right in”, we took an informal poll among our coworkers: people from the Midwest and from large parts of the South agreed that oral and anal weren’t sex. We found it absolutely shocking. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2015, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/49 "2015-10-10T08:22:59Z")
Try telling Vice that oral isn’t sex. ---
**Author:** ![TheSpeculationElucidation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@TheSpeculationElucidation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheSpeculationElucidation)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2015, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/50 "2015-10-10T09:31:47Z")
This is drifting off topic, but I think we need to ditch the idea of virginity in general, since it’s heteronormative and associated with purity and immaturity. It’s not that I think oral/anal isn’t sex from a standpoint of purity, or think that they are ‘less than’. I think that there are many different aspects of intimacy. I just put them in different categories. Everyone defines sex differently. I said ‘young adults’ (IE. early to mid 20’s) because we were just learning about what sex was about during the Clinton ‘scandal’. In my opinion, from personal experience and speaking to others, it caused a change in how our age views oral. There’s an interesting article on the different studies done [Here.](http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/psrh/full/4207410.pdf) ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2015, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/51 "2015-10-11T01:34:58Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Did it? The incident of “the poster-American-girl from the Midwest who was brought by her roommate to the UoM Cooking Club to see if us Hispanic women could explain that fellatio is sex, therefore she had actually had sex with a Hispanic guy on their first date (initiating it herself) and that explained why he was following her around like a lost puppy” took place in 1995. > > She’d gone down on him because it had been such an enjoyable date that she was really, really grateful, but she didn’t want to have sex on the first date because good girls don’t do that. Clinton was by no means the beginning- when I was in high school and college ( 1977-86) lots of girls thought only PIV was sex- so as long as it was only oral , they were still virgins and therefore “good girls”. And this was in NYC. On preview- that Guttmacher study says > [@](#): > > By contrast, in 1991 and again in 1999–2001, samples similar to ours expressed considerable ambivalence; 40% characterized oralgenital contact as having “had sex.” That means 60% _didn’t_. Clinton-Lewinsky may have had an effect, but even in 1991 most of the sample didn’t characterize oral as having “had sex” ---
**Author:** ![TheSpeculationElucidation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@TheSpeculationElucidation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheSpeculationElucidation)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2015, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/52 "2015-10-11T08:12:21Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > Clinton was by no means the beginning- when I was in high school and college ( 1977-86) lots of girls thought only PIV was sex- so as long as it was only oral , they were still virgins and therefore “good girls”. And this was in NYC. > On preview- that Guttmacher study says > That means 60% _didn’t_. Clinton-Lewinsky may have had an effect, but even in 1991 most of the sample didn’t characterize oral as having “had sex” Yes. There’s 20% difference between those studies. That was my point. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/53 "2015-10-13T13:20:01Z")
I think people in “no sex before marriage” communities are more likely to see oral as not being sex. I’m not a woman, but I have considered the idea of being in a purely romantic relationship with an asexual partner–not ideal, but I could if I loved her. But not the other direction. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/54 "2015-10-13T15:22:54Z")
> [@TheSpeculationElucidation](#): > > Yes. There’s 20% difference between those studies. That was my point. And my point is that when where talking about a 20% change from 60% (already the majority) to 80% , it’s not entirely accurate to say that Clinton-Lewinsky or anything else caused a change in “how young people view sex”. “How young people view sex” without any qualifiers is the majority view. Clinton-Lewinsky may have had an effect and pushed an additional 20% to the majority view, but that’s it. It changed the view of at most 20% of the non-representative sample. > [@](#): > > [FONT=Berkeley-Book][SIZE=1] > [SIZE=2]Our sample was not representative of the young adult population,and the findings therefore have limited generalizability.Also, given the consistency across three previousstudies concerning whether oral-genital contact constitutessex,[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Berkeley-Book] [/FONT][FONT=Berkeley-Book]an alternative explanation for the changes we found is that some unmeasured characteristic of our sample influenced students’ responses. [/FONT] ---
**Author:** ![Orville\_mogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/aeb1de/32.png) [@Orville\_mogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orville_mogul)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/55 "2015-10-13T15:35:49Z")
Responding to the OP, I think there is a good chance the character was referring to anal. Especially her reluctance to say outright what it was. Oral is not as taboo. And anal would be somewhat less one-sided. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837/56 "2015-10-13T19:25:21Z")
_“Straight women: would you tolerate being with a man who wanted oral and nothing else?”_ Nope. I enjoy giving (as long as I receive from time to time), but penetration is important to me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/straight-women-would-you-tolerate-being-with-a-man-who-wanted-oral-and-nothing-else/733837.md?page=2)