# Strange riding beasties **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 7, 2002, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752 "2002-08-07T11:45:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2002, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/21 "2002-08-08T15:34:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MrVisible \* > \*\*Giant warthog. > > Giant war warthog. > > Hakuna matata my ass. \*\* Ya know, **MrVisible** … I’ve been asking around among the Dopers, and whenever “Hakuna matata” is mentioned, your ass _is in fact_ the very first thing everybody thinks of. I find this fact disturbing. Stop it immediately. yours, **Mr. Di’Chi** ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2002, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/22 "2002-08-08T16:02:20Z")
Ptaradyctle. With 8 wing-mounted .50 cal Browings and a huge nose cannon. And sidewinder missles. (yeah, I know I spelled it wrong) ---
**Author:** ![Wearia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Wearia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wearia)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2002, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/23 "2002-08-08T17:33:58Z")
A giant rabbit. A gun turrets on both sides. Earplugs for the poor rabbit. You see rabbits can go pretty fast if they want to. They could sprint all over the place and jump around. Imagine if you will a giant ball of fur hopping around leaving a trail of hot lead. And of course me laughing evily. I’d probably give it some titanium claws or something. Not that it really needs em. Normal rabbit claws hurt too… ---
**Author:** ![Celaeno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Celaeno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celaeno)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2002, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/24 "2002-08-08T17:46:00Z")
I’d have to go for a Pernese dragon, too-and to hell with the ‘renewable airforce’ rules. Or as an alternate, a giant snake. No idea how you’d get a saddle to stay put, though. ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2002, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/25 "2002-08-08T18:09:42Z")
Dear **Mr. D’chi** , You are, of course, aware that Hakuna Matata translates to “no worries” or “no problem”. I find it heartening that so many Dopers, when they think of such a cheery phrase, immediately associate it with my ass, which is, I tend to think, a rather cheery image. It’s pretty darn cheerful, for an ass. Downright chipper. Perky. No worries? My ass! I fail to see what the problem is here. Courteous regards, **MrVisible** ---
**Author:** ![dirty\_bird18](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@dirty\_bird18](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirty_bird18)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2002, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/26 "2002-08-08T18:16:39Z")
OK, I’d have to go with THE SUPER GIANT PENGUIN’S OF DEATH think about it, they can do the cool run and slide technique, to take out a large group of enemies. Along with the full stealth tux, that’s world dominance with style. Oh yeah they all need Night Vision as well. For those night missions. HAHA!! ---
**Author:** ![jessicala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb9ed0/32.png) [@jessicala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jessicala)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2002, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/27 "2002-08-08T23:37:37Z")
A giant ferret. Speedy, agile, and fun to be around … until they go into “ferret-shock” and roll over on top of you. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2002, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/28 "2002-08-09T11:42:39Z")
You regard your own ass as “perky”? :smack: Sir, I require a Pepto-Bismol at the very thought. Your Most Humble Servant, **Bosda Di’Chi** , _esquire_😃 ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2002, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/29 "2002-08-09T12:52:53Z")
Oh my stars and garters (got that from X-men) this thread has gone offa da deep end. OK, here’s my military breakdown: Mobile Infantry use Fast-moving Ant workers to haul supplies and men around the landscape. Additionally, they can quickly set up huge underground bunkers for defense, forward bases, and supply depos. The armor is composed of War Beetles for heavy artillary and the biggest tank designs and Spiders as hunter-killer attack craft. Spiders are equipped with smaller AP anti-tank rounds and machine guns, while the heavily armored Tank Beetles carry howitzers and the biggest tank guns. For Airpower, we use Wasp legions as fast anti-flyer weapons (though they also are good against spiders) and mosquitos as medium bombers. Moths fly high to drop the larger loads. Whoa, I am such a geek. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2002, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/30 "2002-08-09T14:53:11Z")
Hmm. Fleas can jump many times their own height… would explosive-tipped giant fleas be suitable as anti-aircraft defenses? (_Unmanned_ explosive-tipped giant fleas, of course.) This thread is evoking too many SF references for me. They use “combat wasps”, IIRC, in Peter Hamilton’s _Night’s Dawn_ trilogy… and the whole business of riding giant insects reminds me of Jean-Pierre Andrevon’s _Les Hommes-Machines Contre Gandahar_. (Yes, I read incredibly tacky French SF in the original language, doesn’t everyone?) ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2002, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/31 "2002-08-09T15:23:07Z")
My Dear **Mr. DeChi** , I have it on very good authority that my ass is, indeed, perky. I have been assured by a knowledgeable sort that if my ass was an airline hostess, it would be just the sort to have a cute little routine worked out to amuse the passengers whilst explaining the location of the emergency exits, and that it would have a cheery smile for everyone with their complimentary beverage. Should you not have an authoritative source for your derogatory ass-directed remarks, I shall be forced to take offense. At which point, I will encourage you to take the matter up with my Legions of Spider Riders, my Termite-Mounted Structural Destruction Engineers, the Fire Beetle Bombadiers, and of course, my dreaded Lemming-Mounted Suicide Squads. Be warned. Yours as cordially as possible, **MrVisible** ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2002, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/32 "2002-08-09T15:30:31Z")
Bwahahaha! none of these are a match for my horde of suicide slugs and riding snails; go forth my beauties! ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2002, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/33 "2002-08-09T15:57:46Z")
_:: waits patiently ::_ … … … So, um, **Mangetout** … what time does this horde of yours arrive? \*:: goes off to make cup of tea :: \* ---
**Author:** ![Hattrick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/34f0e0/32.png) [@Hattrick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hattrick)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2002, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/34 "2002-08-09T16:08:12Z")
I think I should prefer the giant Hedgehog heavy infantry and echidna tanks with the driver and gunner tucked away in the navigation pouch. ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2002, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/35 "2002-08-09T16:12:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MrVisible \* > **I have it on very good authority that my ass is, indeed, perky. I have been assured by a knowledgeable sort that if my ass was an airline hostess, it would be just the sort to have a cute little routine worked out to amuse the passengers whilst explaining the location of the emergency exits, and that it would have a cheery smile for everyone with their complimentary beverage.** On the National Express, There’s a jolly hostess, Serving crisps and tea. She’ll provide you with drinks, and theatrical winks, for a sky high fee. Mini skirts were in style, when she danced down the isle, back in '63. But it’s hard to get by, When your arse is the size, of a small country! everybody say… ba ba ba ba ba… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2002, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/36 "2002-08-09T17:04:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wearia \* > \*\*A giant rabbit. > A gun turrets on both sides. > Earplugs for the poor rabbit. > You see rabbits can go pretty fast if they want to. They could sprint all over the place and jump around. Imagine if you will a giant ball of fur hopping around leaving a trail of hot lead. And of course me laughing evily. > I’d probably give it some titanium claws or something. Not that it really needs em. Normal rabbit claws hurt too… \*\* [I think you’ve been beaten to it…](http://www.rathergood.com/2001_10_01_archive.html) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wearia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Wearia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wearia)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2002, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/37 "2002-08-09T18:05:35Z")
Dammit, there always one step ahead… ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2002, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/38 "2002-08-09T22:40:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Steve Wright \* > \*\*_:: waits patiently ::_ > > … > … > … > > So, um, **Mangetout** … what time does this horde of yours arrive? > > \*:: goes off to make cup of tea :: \* \*\* Mwuhahaha, you will be utterly destroyed! Eventually. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2002, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/39 "2002-08-09T22:41:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MrVisible \* > \*\*My Dear **Mr. DeChi** , > > I have it on very good authority that my ass is, indeed, perky. I have been assured by a knowledgeable sort that if my ass was an airline hostess, it would be just the sort to have a cute little routine worked out to amuse the passengers whilst explaining the location of the emergency exits, and that it would have a cheery smile for everyone with their complimentary beverage. > > Should you not have an authoritative source for your derogatory ass-directed remarks, I shall be forced to take offense. > > At which point, I will encourage you to take the matter up with my Legions of Spider Riders, my Termite-Mounted Structural Destruction Engineers, the Fire Beetle Bombadiers, and of course, my dreaded Lemming-Mounted Suicide Squads. > > Be warned. > > Yours as cordially as possible, > > **MrVisible** \*\* Sirrah! I am the proud owner of a Giant Killer Aardvark. This will dispose of _all_ of your affiliated vermin, both those living off and on your ass. yours suavely, **Bosda the** , well…\*\* the suave\*\*. ---
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2002, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752/40 "2002-08-10T12:48:26Z")
I want a chocobo. And I want the damned MIDI music to play while I’m riding it, too! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strange-riding-beasties/122752.md?page=3)