Strange Tax & Family Question

In My Humble Opinion
21

I guess this thread is becoming my therapy. I have had a few big arguments with her about this, but she just shuts down, and within the family I don’t want to complain and either look like a jerk, or make her look like the immature and naive person she it :smiley:

Thanks for the discussion though. It is interesting.

What is most interesting is this: She’s in this boat because she never bothered with school, and as a Smokin’ Hottie has absolutely relied on her looks to get herself taken care of. When the marriage went on the rocks, she got herself pregnant to settle him down. Seriously, who thinks that’s a good idea? Hey, the strain of this relationship is killing us, so let’s add in a multiplier in the form of a baby! Incidentally, I remember clearly when she told my wife of this strategy before becoming pregnant, my wife tried to warn her that it was not a good plan.

So, her whole life has been dedicated to the idea that she would be a stay at home mom with a guy to provide for her. I am fine with that in principle, but when it didn’t work out she found herself 28, no education, never having held a real job-type-job, and generally screwed. I give her credit for going back to school. But, as I mentioned, I am the main father figure (scary as that is), and when I say things to encourage education, learning, strong can-do attitudes for my niece, she finds that irritating because it doesn’t mesh with her ideals! I mean, they worked so well for her, after all.

That’s one of the biggest things we argue about. I will try to teach my niece how to do something like work a zipper, rather than do it for her, which is my SIL’s approach. And I will editorialize along the lines of “Well, as long as you need someone else to do it for you, you are not master of your own destiny.” A little thick for a 4 year old, I know, but I swear nobody else is giving her that kind of encouragement (well, I should mention that my wife and I see eye to eye on these things).

I am hellbent on having her reading before 5, and that upsets my SIL (thinks it is an unnecessary strain).

Wow- I must be losing my mind over this. I can honestly say that I have NEVER felt the need to discuss my feelings on an internet message board before.

22

Sounds like your wife realized your SIL’s ambitions … a great, loving, understanding, hard working, good looking and all-around good guy for a husband. I suggest just resting on the matter, if SIL has her certificate in two years, then at least there’s an end in sight. SIL needs a lawyer, but that is her call alone.

I strenuously recommend not messing with the IRS, not without an accountant’s signature on your tax forms. That’s mischief no one wants.

23

Well, here’s my $.02, without knowing the SIL at all: She has perhaps internally accepted that not having a degree is perhaps a mistake she made --but one that is understandable enough that she doesn’t have to completely condemn herself if she admits it was a mistake-- and one that she can correct. She maybe hasn’t accepted that trusting the a**h*le is similar.
Maybe the best move is to try and gradually show her that the marriage is also a (forgivable) mistake she can also correct.

Either that, or convince her that she’s never going to get another man as long as she’s technically still married.

24

And he probably knows this and that’s why he’s doing this.

What kind of career program is she in? I doubt if someone who appears to be this naive and childlike could have any kind of “career”. Is she also mentally handicapped in some way, or was she raised in an extremely sheltered environment?

25

I don’t think you can take a deduction on a child that’s not yours unless you have some kind of guardianship established.

As for the original post, from what I’ve seen, $100 a week is not a pittance as child support goes, compared to what most parents generally get.

26

No, she didn’t “get herself pregnant”. She allowed herself to get pregnant, which isn’t the same thing. :rolleyes:

Oh, heck, I know of a couple who were both very devout Christians with Ph.D.s, in their late 30s, who thought a baby would save their failing 12-year marriage. As you could probably imagine, within a year they were going through pretty much the ugliest divorce anyone who knew them had ever seen. I heard more than once that if either of them had killed the other one, nobody would have been surprised, and for a while, they had to use a drop-off site for visitation because they were prohibited by court order from being in the same BUILDING together with their son. :eek:

27

Just to be safe as far as too much identifiable information, I will just say it is one of those community college certificate programs, like ultrasound tech or lab technician.

Trust me, I know exactly where you’re coming from. She is the type of person who uses “I can’t do it” to try and justify the things she doesn’t want to do. I certainly wouldn’t hire her, but that’s a bridge to be burned later.

She is not mentally handicapped, just stuck at 15. But you nailed the sheltered environment. The parents are the type that never pushed her to do anything since her rightful place was as homemaker. That my wife rejected that is part of the reason she has such a poor relationship with her parents.

28

I disagree. They were not planning to have children at this time, and she unilaterally decided that a baby was a good idea and stopped the birth control. I am not saying that he is therefore without responsibility, but I would call that her decision,

29

[QUOTE=OldOlds;17163921. We provide room and board, help out with expenses like clothing (although there are lots of family hand me downs), I either fix her car or cover the repair bills, provide assistance with things like gas as needed, etc. They continue to file joint tax returns, which is his preference.
SO, rambling on I know, I have covered a pretty significant load of expenses through this period, and while I am happy to help, I have always been a bit bitter that I have two dependents but can not claim either of them. I am essentially covering 90% of the cost of having two children; …

Now my niece will need to enter preschool next year, and it looks like that will be my cost to bear. That’s going to get expensive, and frankly I feel like from a moral perspective I ought to be entitled to the same deductions that a parent would.

Is there any legal way I can claim a deduction for this? Have I any recourse? What if I simply claimed the deduction, knowing that I can prove the degree of support I provide? My SIL won’t budge, and I feel a moral obligation to my niece to provide for her, at least until my SIL finishes school. The truth is, I can afford it, and so I will do what I must for her sake. I don’t begrudge my niece anything I can provide- she’s the innocent. .[/QUOTE]

You have to cut the emotion out of this, and parse it like this:

You provide support. You thus should get a tax deduction.

What she does with her own life vis-a- vis getting a divorce, child support, etc is indeed her business. but she’s living under your room and this costs you money, which is YOUR business.
Thus she has two choices:

A. Don’t file joint with the jerk and let you claim the deductions

B. Pay her fair share of rent, food, utilities, etc.

Just make it those two choices. Don’t get involved with issues about her deadbeat husband, etc. She lives there, thus she must help with support. She can either come up with the cash or let you take the deductions- which costs her nothing.

30

This seems like a huge red flag.

Exposing a child to reading in a fun way, encouraging them to learn at their natural pace, and making sure they realize their potential is fantastic.

Being “hellbent” on ensuring that a kid can do something she may not be ready to accomplish by age 5 seems like the behavior of a control freak. It’s not in the same league as encouraging a child to fasten her own zipper.

Or is it just me?