That because I have one child, I must not be able to have more. I sometimes get that sad, pitying, “oh…” when I mention that I have one kid. One lady even went so far as to ask me what happened. I really shocked her when I told her what had happened was that we decided we only wanted one child.
Technically, they should be asking him not to almost-kick them, right?
In 7th grade, all the bullies decided that, since I wasn’t a jock, I must be gay. THAT was a fun year.
On a less personal level, I present the IT Professional Trifecta. Since I’ve been working in the IT industry since 1986, I obviously must:
(a) Know how to program
(b) Have some certifications
© Be a manager.
Um, no.
That I am a dress size 8 and weigh about 9 stones.
(I am actually a dress size 18 and weigh about 15 stones.)
That I don’t need to be sent an invitation to any wedding, or party that’s being held. “Ooh why didn’t you come? We missed you!” Cos I didn’t know where to go, or what time I was supposed to be there at.
Sheldon does.
Sometimes you’re surly?
IMO it’s just that self-help is a popular genre, no reflection on you.
Empire State Building I assume.
A year or so ago, a random guy ran up to me on a busy street and said ‘You’re a Bob Dylan fan aren’t you?’ I really don’t like his voice, and I told the guy that. He seemed utterly bewildered by my reply, and when I walked off he was still standing there in the middle of the street looking really confused.
I may have mentioned this before, but I once got mistaken for a member of staff at a zoo; as it happens, my parents ran it, so I could answer the question, but I was about 11.
As the movers (Spanish-speaking father-son duo who spoke unaccented English w/ me) were unpacking our furniture, I was arranging it all myself. I moved a large couch across the room while they watched, after which one mover asked if my husband (who was still deployed) was Hispanic. I’m a plain looking Euro-mutt, our last name’s the ‘Johnson’ of Poland and there were no decorations up that weren’t Air Force-themed or Russian nesting dolls, so…? When I asked what he meant he just laughed and kept working.
Oh where to begin…some are maybe not strange, meaning I can deduce why they see me that way…
Always getting asked for direction in cities I have only just arrived in - true all over the world.
Assume I have a college degree - I don’t - but I come off as educated and intellectual.
Assume I’m gay - I’m not - I’m a slender sensitive bookish type, oh and I used to be in theatre, so there is that.
Conversely, assume that I’m a ladies man - um, not so much - shy guy friend zone all the way.
Assume I’m in charge and want to be a leader - nothing could be further from the truth - but I project an air of authority in business settings, being calm and having gray hair helps.
That I’m very serious - well…maybe now I am - I used to be Jackie the Joker but life beat me down. 
That I was from the South.
I’ve had more than one acquaintance tell me they thought I was prim and proper and wouldn’t say shit if I had a mouthful. I replied to one, Do you want me to take my top off, motherfucker? 
That I can solve their problems. My friends will do this to me: call me up and pose a problem they are having with their child, finances, garden, whatever. I am sooo not a parent or a financial expert. And I’m only middling at gardening and home repair.
It is similar at work. I am consulting instructional designer/training team lead and have seen a lot of projects. Because I am well-spoken, the project managers and executives at whichever company I am working with, assume I am a communications hack, public speaker, and functional analyst. Maybe I played these roles on TV in a past life but no, no, and no. If I wanted to be in these roles, that is where I would be.
In college I read the Faust play (with Mephistopheles, don’t feel like looking it up) and I said it seemed anti-semitic. Therefore I was assumed Jewish by the professor. I did correct him at the end of the class. (Funny, I don’t look Druish.)
We had a “name 5 things about random co-worker” at work recently. I was regarded as “silent” and “mysterious” by everyone except my boss who said “funny”. It was supposed to be anonymous but I recognized her handwriting. Thing is, at home I annoy the crap out of Mister Vigilante by talking to the TV too much and also interrupting the TV by bringing up random stuff. I am VERY talkative to people I am close to.
Then I was employee of the month (it’s a random drawing), was interviewed by the owner and another co-worker, and the co-worker asked where I’m from. Everyone I know does this to me. I always say “here” or Atlanta, or somesuch, and they are surprised, every single time. Apparently no one who lives here is from here except me. And my accent doesn’t give me away.
Also they were very surprised that this quiet, mysterious person goes to scifi conventions and sometimes even dresses up.
That I was “retarded.” Well, it wasn’t so strange. They had their reasons, but I suspect they were wrong. (And,yeah, that was the word that was used.)
You didn’t need a man to move your sofa; neither did the women in their family, but most of their customers behave both like they’re afraid the movers will break the house if not watched, and like they’re too weak to do any box-shhuffling (much less sofa-shuffling) by themselves. Bonus points for muttering “ok, now this sofa goes… here…” while you moved it. Neither looks nor lastname imply whether you are or are not Hispanic. Take it as a compliment.
You assume correctly. To give them some credit, they didn’t ask for the intersection, they asked for the building. But they knew the address. It doesn’t take a lot of smarts to figure out how to get around.
In a totally unrelated story:
The coffee shop where I work offers coffee in four sizes: Tiny, small, medium, and large. I asked the cashier, Giorgio, for a tiny. He handed me a medium cup. I corrected him and said “no, a tiny.” He got really confused. A tiny, really? But I always ask for the medium. Always. Without exception. I have never in my life asked for anything but a medium.
Giorgio was certain of this.
In reality, I have never ordered anything but a tiny. In almost ten years here, always a tiny. At least this time he remembered to give me a lid.
From my newest roommate: that I would judge her for coming home a little drunk, on her birthday. We’ve had several conversations about our tastes in beer and whiskey. I would have gone with her to get drinks! It was her birthday! I’m still perplexed.
Once someone was surprised that I have trouble getting up in the morning and getting places on time in the morning. She said, “But you seem so in control of yourself!” I was so surprised I actually laughed in her face. I’ve had the natural circadian rhythm of a teenager my whole life. If it were up to my body to decide, I would probably be nocturnal.
If they’re not American, yes it does. The American numbering system is completely different from those used in other places. There’s places where the numbers are always consecutive and streets have names (such as most of Europe), places where addresses are given in reference to landmarks (much of Latin America for example)…
It took me almost a year until I was able to get a straight answer on how the American numbering system works. When I asked, most people would think it was a joke and laugh, until one day I got angry and said “no damnit, stop laughing, how the fuck do house numbers here work? It’s not like it was back home or in Ireland!” Dude still asked a couple times to verify that yes, I was serious, I did not know how the bloody fucking blue blazes US addresses worked and I really, really wanted to learn it. Before the end of the century, preferably!