Strangest people on public transit.

In My Humble Opinion
21

oh, the new york city subway…

there’s the guy in the tunnel between port authority and times square who plays some sort of one-stringed instrument so horribly that i want to just rip it out of his hands…no one could think he was good. no one. but he’s always there, and there’s always a little change in his hat.

one time i was at the 51st-53rd and lex station transferring trains and this man stopped me and asked me if i was polish. ‘no, i’m not,’ was my reply, and he looked at me like i was a moron.
‘are you sure?’
‘very.’
‘well…are you german then?’
‘no. i’m mostly irish, actually. bye.’
never did bother to find out what that was all about.

and then there was the time i was climbing up the stairs from an f-train stop but i forget which one now, and i was with a bunch of my friends. i looked up the stairwell and there was a man in an orange robe with an odd strategically-shaven hairstyle. he stared at me the entire time i was walking up the stairs, and when i got to the top he got in my way and asked me ‘are you from here? where are you from? are you from here?’ and he was really excited. i wasnt sure if he meant new york or the planet earth.

22

…And I just got iced tea all over my keyboard.

Yes, furiously does describe it quite accurately.

I was riding the local SamTrans in San Mateo, CA, when a middle-aged blond-haired man who was wrapped in a baby-blanket began repeating “fenestrations!” in the same tone of voice one would say “eureka!” and point at the opposite window. He expanded on it, by saying “There’s a fenestration, and there! And there! There’s another! That house has 5! And that one has 8! WE’RE SURROUNDED BY FENESTRATIONS! HAHA! FENESTRATIONS!” It was a crowded bus, and he did this with no warning, so all people could do was lean away. He then pulled the cord, turned to the driver and in a quiet voice, said “thank you,” and then left.

23

Jessity probably remembers it better than me, but when we were in a bus of some sort in Chicago back last year, there was someone who looked like he wanted to bed someone and he wasn’t going to take no for an answer if he could help it.

But he was also going to be sneaky about it. Smoove B sneaky.

It is hard to be sneaky about wanting random sex when three sheets to the wind is sober compared to you.

So I sat in Jessity’s lap and various of us sort of maintained a conversation of sorts with this guy. I think it was about 2 or so AM. I was one of precious few people sober on that bus-type thing (well, completely sober. By that point Jessity et al. had sobered up a good bit but were still a bit out of sorts).

Very interesting ride. We were all quite glad to be away from him.

There was also someone in NYC in the subway who … well, again, it was late. I was riding back with Pucette and sitting across from us was a guy in his mid 40s, I guess, and with him a guy who was probably not much older than I was (I was 20 at the time).

And it was late, and he had probably had more than a few to drink, and he apparently was not lucky when it came to avoiding painful accidents. And he told us about a few. And also something about terrorists … I don’t remember exactly what it was (this was January of 2002. Very much inthe shadow of 9/11). Pucette and I looked at each other and decided it would be easier to nod and smile than say anything of substance and possibly knock this guy off his train of thought.

Odd … grew up in the DC area. Ridden metro more times than I can remember. And the two incidents I remember are one of few times I’ve taken the subway in New York (less than 5 times) and similarly for Chicago.

24

One time, I was riding the Colfax Avenue bus in Denver. There was a black man sitting in the front, listing to a Walkman and bobbing his head. Every so often, he’d make a loud utterance. “YEAH, KILL ALL DA WHITE PEOPLE, KNOW WHA” SAYIN?" “HEHE … KILL WHITEY, UH HUH!” “THAT RIGHT … WHITE MAN THE DEVIL … GOTTA’ GET EM, UH HUH!” “GONNA’ KILL ME A CRACKA!”

Most of the bus riders were white. There was NOBODY else in front of the bus but him and the driver.

One time, in the late 1980s, I was on the subway in Buffalo. At one stop, a group of … uhh, very special people got on the train. The doors closed, and they all sat together. A few seconds after the train started to move, one of the very secial boys cut one loose. The sound reverberated loudly off the hard pastic seat, and the group statred to laugh. Another special boy leanded to the side, grunted, and let one go. More laughing. A very special girl stood up, groaned loudly, and let out a very special toot. More laughing. This went on for about five minutes – very special adolescents propelling naturally generated methane through a Metro Rail car – until the very special, mentally handi-capable group reached their stop.

25

PREVIEW, DAMNIT! Mid-year resolution. I’m very special myself, I guess. I AM TEH SUXXOR!!!1!!

26

Okay, one more. Not really a crazy passenger story, but rather a trait that I’ve seen among bus passengers in Buffalo. Many … uhh, inner city bus riders enjoy the luxury of a private, unshared seat on the Metro Bus. To ensure that nobody sits down next to them on the ride home, they’ll draw a large penis on a sheet of paper, and place it on the seat next to them. Occasionally, someone who didn’t have the foresight to bring a sheet of paper on board will take a marker and draw a penis on the seat itself.

People are reluctant to move the drawing … where would they put it? People are also reluctant to sit down on the drawing. If the rare passenger does sit down, the person who created the drawing will chastise them - “You sat down on a dick! What are you, some queer or something?”

27

I would love to hear how this fellow tried to be sneaky about it.

I’m not sure why I want to know this, but I’ve learned not to question myself.

28

He stumbled around us and sat across from us rather than trying to finagle his way into someone. So to speak.

As I said, 3 sheets to the wind was sober compared to this guy. I’m sure you can imagine some amusing dialogue:D

29

I’ve ridden Seattle’s busses for over three decades now and it’s taken a bit to remember some of the more unusual experiences. However, reading these posts have jarred a few memories loose.

First, there’s Lois. Since she’s long since gone to that hemetically-sealed, germ-free place in the sky, I think it’s OK to use her name. Now, besides riding the bus with her for about six months, I also lived on the same floor as she did for several years so I can attest that she was obsessed when it came to germs and smells clinging to her.

One fall, Lois decided to take some psychology classes out in the ‘burbs near where I worked. My busmates and I had to endure many a cold morning with Lois sitting up front with her window wide open to propel peoples’ germs away from her. She also made a ritual of getting out a large plastic bag to place on the seat before she’d sit down, much to the dismay of people trying to get past her.

Because my hours varied, I didn’t often have to ride home with her but one time when I did, a fellow she knew got on. She happily introduced me to him as her girlfriend (eeeww!!). I soon found out more than I wanted about this guy as I had the opportunity to ride with him several more times. I.e. the guy was a perv. He would usually select the youngest and prettiest girl to sit next to and talk her ear off. If there was no one else, he would sit next to me. Do you remember that Marx Bothers line, “If I was any closer, I’d be behind you.”? This guy actually sat part way on my lap once! After a time or two I made sure he couldn’t sit next to me. And I saw one woman who told him to move when he started to sit next to her. Apparently, she’d had the pleasure of his company before. After a while, he stopped riding on that route. I think he got banned.

And then there was the woman who said “Ow…OWW!..Ow!” every time the bus went over the tiniest bump or dip. After about 15 minutes of this, someone told her to shut up and she did.

Another time, not long after 9/11, I was on a bus when a uniformed off-duty driver got on with a large duffel bag, which prompted a rider to start loudly saying things throughout his ride like, “There could be a bomb in there. You can’t trust anyone. You can’t even trust me. I could blow this bus up.” Everyone ignored him and we didn’t get blown up but I am rather surprised that neither driver called security.

There’s a woman I see occasionally who looks like she learned fashion from Mimi Bobek. Seriously, the first time I saw her the circus was in town and I thought there must be a connection. But no, she dresses like that all the time. She’s actually a pretty nice lady, she just apparently likes to stand out in a crowd.

30

I had the opportunity to be on a Richmond City Bus once when my car broke down. By and large, the riders on the City’s buses are African American. This particular time I was the sole white man on the bus, and was also seated in the very back. The bus stops, an elderly white guy gets on, and he makes his way back to where I’m sitting. He looks at me, looks around, and says, “Dr. Livingston, I presume.” Now that was funny.

31

I’m glad my story garnered such laughs, but I’m sorry for the disastrous fate of ginger ale and iced tea. ;j

I remember another time I was in Penn Station one afternoon with a bunch of friends, on our way to Central Park for a concert. Now everyone knows that there’s an unspoken rule of “don’t make eye contact with other people in the stations / on the trains.”

We were making our way towards whatever subway train we needed that day when I spotted a white guy, probably in his late teens or early 20s, with a HUGE fro heading our way and I couldn’t help but get a good quick look and then look away. Clearly he noticed me doing so because when he and his friend passed me and my friends, he BARKED at me. Like a dog. We were so confused and startled that we could only laugh.

32

Reminds me of the time when an older man noticed a fellow passenger was wearing a cap with the word “Foreigner” on it. Attempting to strike up a conversation, the man says, “So what country are you from?”

Apparently he’d never heard of the band.

33

Was this the guy in the camo pants who was tugging on his underwear and y’all kept telling me not to talk to him? And he kept asking what all the stops were? That was on the El, and he kept talking about his gun. Remember? Just the pants and the boots with no socks and not tied up, and the jacket with no shirt on underneath?

Strangest person(s) I’ve ever seen on public transit were in NYC. The lady singing jibberish in a language other than what I speak while holding a cup in my face wanting change was one of the scariest sights of my entire life.

34

I regularly ride the train into town with my husband and kids. I seem to have this uncanny knack for sitting near or conversing with people with issues. On this trip, we were returning from a basketball game, and the train was very crowded. I managed to snag a seat next to a gentleman who appeared to be a cross of Santa Claus and a Beverly Hillbilly after a serious bender. As I sat with one of my sons on my lap, this man muttered at me and my weary child. As we rode, I noticed the front of his overalls becoming wetter and wetter. He finally staggered towards the doors and my husband began insisting that my son son take the empty seat(he couldn’t see the puddle). I kept saying no emphatically while trying not to be rude–the man was still on the train, and things were obviously bad enough for him without us making a scene. I managed to keep my kid out of the puddle, but I’ve never looked at the seats on the train in the same way again----I wonder which are worse, the cushioned seats or the solid plastic ones. I guess its probably best not to think about it

35

I once saw a guy puking blood while riding uptown late one night on the #1 train in NYC.

Did I mention he was wearing a transit cop uniform?

Really made me feel safe, that.