# Strangling the bishop: what do you do after?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [June 9, 2008, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285 "2008-06-09T01:13:53Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/1 "2008-06-09T01:13:53Z")
Sorry if this is TMI, but it came up today and I realized it’s been bothering me for some time.
In various books and around various campfires and on various parts of the internet, I’ve heard reference made to crusty socks, stiff towels, hell, even sticky stuffed animals (Mickey Mouse?). My question is I suppose twofold: when you’re having a little “self-improvement” session, where do you finish? And if your answer is not “in some tissues,” why?
From an early age, this always seemed to make the most sense to me. Living at home, it was a lot easier to wad up some toilet paper and chuck it than it would have been to explain white stains on a towel when my mom went to do the laundry. After growing up and getting out, it’s always just seemed like the easiest solution. You finish and you get rid of the tissues and you’re done. I suppose if you’re trying to be really green, a towel is less environmentally damaging than throwing away tissues all the time, but from what I read about (usually) socks, this doesn’t seem to be the primary motivation.
So can someone explain this to me? If you get off on jerking off into socks I can understand, but otherwise what’s going on here?
Women, if you discharge with orgasm, or have occasion to observe someone who does, feel free to weigh in. And note that this isn’t about sex. Sometimes it gets everywhere and that’s fine, but if you’re just looking for a quick wank, why would you go the messier (IMO) route?
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### Author:  [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/2 "2008-06-09T02:15:20Z")
Of course I would be the first to respond.
Let me first say: “wash the utensils.” Hardy har har.
Now that that’s over with, I usually … discharge… onto my boxers. This is then cleaned up with kleenex until no stains are visible.
Boy this thread has even me feeling embarrassed.
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### Author:  [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/3 "2008-06-09T02:20:21Z")
Toilet paper has a tendency to shred, with little tiny bits sticking to your gizmo that are a real pain to pick off.
:o
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### Author:  [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/4 "2008-06-09T03:14:13Z")
Responding purely to the OP title, my response would be “dispose of the body”. But, since the action appears to be a euphemism for something with which I have not been familiar for many, many years, I cannot offer a credible suggestion. I will say that there is a hilarious scene in “American Pie” in which the main character is discovered by his parents with his erect member inserted halfway into a tube sock. That’d be my choice, were it necessary for me to go “murdering clergy”.
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### Author:  [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/5 "2008-06-09T04:20:41Z")
Generally some sort of tissue, whether Kleenex or toilet paper. I’ve taken to keeping a roll of paper towels in my room recently, and those are nice and big and absorbent. I’m out of paper towels right now, though, so it’s been an old, worn-out pair of boxers that will probably just get tossed anyway.
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### Author:  [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/6 "2008-06-09T05:16:37Z")
[Blame it on the Cardinal.](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0a/Cardinal-Richelieu.jpg)
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### Author:  [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/7 "2008-06-09T05:20:25Z")
Ah, five replies and 234 views. I love it.
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### Author:  [@Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runs_With_Scissors)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/8 "2008-06-09T05:26:11Z")
The mess goes on my tummy; I always clean up with an already-worn t-shirt.
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### Author:  [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/9 "2008-06-09T05:26:57Z")
I was hoping to find a good YouTube video of the Baby Eating Bishop of Bath and Wells from the Blackadder II episode _Money_, but alas.
The simple answer is: Kleenex. Flushable, Burnable, Disposable, cheap.
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### Author:  [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/10 "2008-06-09T05:42:41Z")
Never tried it myself, but the show _Weeds_ suggests [using a banana.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWzOQTFwRBE) :eek:
[WARNING: NSFW language]
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### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/11 "2008-06-09T05:49:00Z")
Being married with 2.5 kids, the only place I can really go be intimate with myself is in the bathroom. The shower is perfect. The sink works in a pinch.
I’ve never liked using toilet paper. It tends to paste itself to the helmet. I prefer some kind of immediate access to water.
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### Author:  [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/12 "2008-06-09T06:30:54Z")
I use whatever is closest. Simple as that. Considering that I live alone and the majority of my special time is spent in front of a computer or in bed paper products usually aren’t the handiest option. They are small and don’t absorb much and sometimes a little rubbing is required. Some big piece of cloth is optimal.
Pretty much I’ll just go with whatever is closest and next to go in the wash. Sometimes thats a sock on the floor, sometimes it’s a T shirt I’m wearing (never a nice one) and sometimes it’s the boxers. Once in a blue moon there’ll be a bath towel on hand and that’s like riding in a limo.
I can see why clothing might sound like a headache, but if you are doing your own laundry why settle for a little wimpy kleenex unless it saves you a trip across the room.
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### Author:  [@Amblydoper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amblydoper)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/13 "2008-06-09T06:52:03Z")
I use a napkin to “catch the leprechaun.” The napkin isn’t involved until the grand finale, so there are no sticking-issues. I keep a stack of fast food napkins by my computer.
When I was young, I would do it into the toilet
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### Author:  [@Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_fight_the_hypothetical)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/14 "2008-06-09T07:09:12Z")
When young and living at home I think I used a tissue but, now, onto the belly then to sleep.
ETA: Isn’t it “Beating The Bishop”?
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### Author:  [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/15 "2008-06-09T07:28:02Z")
When I was growing up we said “polishing the bishop.” The reference is to the chess piece, not the person.
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/16 "2008-06-09T10:54:06Z")
Not a man, but there’s always [this option](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=286416).
😃
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### Author:  [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/17 "2008-06-09T11:12:18Z")
The flip-side to this question, of course, is what females do with the same…um…“product.” After it’s been launched into their female cavity.
😃
You can try to mop up immediately following the activity, but things that go up do not always immediately travel south.
It’s kind of a mess, actually. Annoying and tends to the crispy side after a few hours. “I can’t wear THESE jeans again tomorrow!”
Re: the OP, I’ve noticed that my SO’s towels are occasionally marked by these occasions. I can’t tell if it’s after mutual entertainment or if it was a solo activity; I don’t really care, as long as they are not my towels.
We have separate towels.
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### Author:  [@minlokwat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minlokwat)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/18 "2008-06-09T11:14:42Z")
After I strangle a bishop, I tend to try to pin the knights down or simply try to create more room for my queen. Fastest way to clear up the middle of the board? Go after pawns.
What are you guys talking about?
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### Author:  [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/19 "2008-06-09T11:33:02Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor]
Responding purely to the OP title, my response would be “dispose of the body”.
[/QUOTE]
Ha ! My immediate thought too; I was going to recommend arson, since it tends to destroy all sorts of incriminating evidence. I **suppose** you could still use that method for the somewhat smaller sort of bishop the OP intended, but it would be overkill.
As for me; paper towel, toss in the garbage.
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### Author:  [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)
#### Post date: [June 9, 2008, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/20 "2008-06-09T13:18:06Z")
[QUOTE=Argent Towers]
Ah, five replies and 234 views. I love it.
[/QUOTE]
When I read threads like these I make it a point to reply, just because I don’t want to be one of /those/ people.
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