# Strangling the bishop: what do you do after? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 9, 2008, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285 "2008-06-09T01:13:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2008, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/41 "2008-06-09T21:32:53Z")
I use black construction paper, and then using my pinky finger try to emulate [this](http://israbox.com/uploads/posts/2007-09/1188670675_1979-journey-through-the-secret-life-of.jpg) to the best of my abilities. ---
**Author:** ![ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chockfullofheadygoodness/32/511_2.png) [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2008, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/42 "2008-06-09T22:05:11Z")
When I was a teenager living at home, directly into the toilet, or into tissue, promptly flushing and destroying the evidence. In the dorms at college, tissue, again flushed before the return of my roommate. Single, no roommates - moved up to fluffy absorbent paper towels, which ended up in the trash. No more paper bits stuck to the mitre, no more leaking through to the fingers (I’m a 6 tissue minimum guy.) If I was in front of the TV and too lazy/involved to get a paper towel from the kitchen, then whatever was within reach. Empty beer mugs worked well, but shot glasses gave too much backsplash. Now that I’m married, the need doesn’ t arise as often, but when it does, flushable tissues. **Mojo Pin** , aren’t semen and laundry bleach both very alkaline? That might explain the bleaching action. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2008, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/43 "2008-06-09T22:31:27Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] I use black construction paper, and then using my pinky finger try to emulate [this](http://israbox.com/uploads/posts/2007-09/1188670675_1979-journey-through-the-secret-life-of.jpg) to the best of my abilities. [/QUOTE] Yikes…papercut. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/44 "2008-06-10T00:40:20Z")
My boyfriend uses tissues or toilet paper, whichever is handier, and tries to make sure he gets all the little bits. (I like to point them out to him if he misses any :D) An ex of mine used wet-wipes for post-coital and -bishop-strangling cleanup, which seems to me the better option (but what do I know). ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/45 "2008-06-10T01:15:32Z")
[QUOTE=minlokwat] After I strangle a bishop, I tend to try to pin the knights down or simply try to create more room for my queen. Fastest way to clear up the middle of the board? Go after pawns. What are you guys talking about? [/QUOTE] I think they’re talking about the manual asphixiation of a person, likely Catholic, who supervises a number of local churches or a diocese, as a member of the highest order of the ministry. ---
**Author:** ![minlokwat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/minlokwat/32/2844_2.png) [@minlokwat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minlokwat)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/46 "2008-06-10T01:33:53Z")
[QUOTE=Hamlet] I think they’re talking about the manual asphixiation of a person, likely Catholic, who supervises a number of local churches or a diocese, as a member of the highest order of the ministry. [/QUOTE] Not that again. Seems certain topics just get beat to death around here. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/47 "2008-06-10T03:06:47Z")
[QUOTE=Hamlet] I think they’re talking about the manual asphixiation of a person, likely Catholic, who supervises a number of local churches or a diocese, as a member of the highest order of the ministry. [/QUOTE] Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest? ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/48 "2008-06-10T04:01:32Z")
Do you hold the absorbent material right up against the throbbing bishop, or do you aim the bishop’s holy water at the material? ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/49 "2008-06-10T04:15:36Z")
Ideally, baby wipes laid across the stomach. Next best is when I kick it down the drain in the shower. Acceptable is and old T-Shirt. Not acceptable is the wife’s comforter or the curtains. SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/50 "2008-06-10T04:19:10Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest? [/QUOTE] Will no one rid me of the tumescent piece? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/51 "2008-06-10T04:44:27Z")
I can’t believe people let their socks and towels get back into circulation. I just use tissues/toilet paper/paper towels. I find the viva towels do a really good job. I tried the banana thing once, but it didn’t work too well. It might’ve helped if I’d peeled it first. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/52 "2008-06-10T04:45:57Z")
[QUOTE=Savannah] Do you hold the absorbent material right up against the throbbing bishop, or do you aim the bishop’s holy water at the material? [/QUOTE] See, I hold the tissue away from the “bishop,” so that there are no bits stuck to me. And it’s not like I just dribble-- I just hold the tissue at such an angle that I cover all my bases. I still don’t really understand the sock thing. Someone upthread even mentioned slipping a sock on during the process. Do you lube it up? Seems like it would be uncomfortable. A friend of mine said he used to pinch the tip, then it would just come out next time he peed. I’ll stick to my tissues, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/53 "2008-06-10T04:50:38Z")
Nice match between username and thread topic. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/54 "2008-06-10T04:52:42Z")
[QUOTE=Little Nemo] Nice match between username and thread topic. [/QUOTE] Well, my first thought was the more common “flogging the dolphin,” but I actually didn’t think about the bishop connection until you mentioned it. I wonder if bishops can excommunicate people. Maybe I should have called the thread “drowning the pope.” ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/55 "2008-06-10T05:16:23Z")
[QUOTE=Savannah] Do you hold the absorbent material right up against the throbbing bishop, or do you aim the bishop’s holy water at the material? [/QUOTE] If you are in a state where aiming is a practical solution you are doing it wrong. Let the chips fall where they may and deal with the consequences when you’re regained your composure. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/59ef9b/32.png) [@Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_fight_the_hypothetical)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/56 "2008-06-10T06:25:32Z")
The new GF tries to get me to use heated baby baby wipes, I’m sure it’s good but, ya know… fuck it… ---
**Author:** ![Mojo\_Pin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Mojo\_Pin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo_Pin)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/57 "2008-06-10T08:07:31Z")
[QUOTE=KneadToKnow] Ah. You’re doing [Kegels](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kegels#Sexual_function_2). [/QUOTE] What do you know, I am. Maybe I should add a section to that wiki article–they didn’t really say anything about actually using it to hold the splooge in… ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/58 "2008-06-10T09:16:45Z")
[QUOTE=Mojo Pin] ok to reiterate, a friend told me that he never has to deal with a mess because right at the moment of discharge he simply clamps down on the…uh, bishop’s neck. So I tried that but the pressure hurt my urethra and then I figured out that if i squeeze my gooch hard enough, it will have the same effect. By gooch muscle I mean the muscle below your scrotum. It leaks at first but it gets stronger. [/QUOTE] [Retrograde ejaculation](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Retrograde_ejaculation) - You may want to rethink forcing semen into the bladder via the outlet. [QUOTE=Wikipedia] **Retrograde ejaculation and alternative medicine** Taoists and some fields of alternative medicine actually recommend and teach deliberate retrograde ejaculation as a way of “conserving the body’s energy”. One manner of achieving this is by applying pressure to the perineum during orgasm. It is believed the sensation of sperm passing through the urethra causes intense physical sensations that can drain the body of “sexual energy”. Others believe the energy is conserved physically by keeping the sperm (and thereby, the “intelligence” that created it) in the body; however, there is no scientific basis for this, as the retrograde-ejaculated sperm are simply lost at the next urination. Due to its aforementioned effects on fertility, there is a potential misconception that inducing this condition can be used as a method of contraception. However, it is neither reliable nor effective, due to some sperm still potentially emerging. Many doctors also do not recommend inducing retrograde ejaculation as there is a risk of putting pressure on the pudendal nerve, which can cause numbness in the penis. It is also possible—through repeated use over a long period—that the muscle can become stuck in this configuration. This can be difficult to correct. [/QUOTE] I have been able achieve this, but I don’t find it quite as satisfying as a good mess producing _spurt_. Since my _personal time_ is usually in the shower or bathroom, the drain/sink deals with the output. Otherwise a few tissues do the job (why do you think they now sell bigger, stronger _man-size_ tissues). And, as a matter of experience, sitting on the toilet definitely runs the risk of incomplete interception and pants-cleaning. :smack: Si ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/59 "2008-06-10T10:38:10Z")
Small furry animals, chinchilla if possible. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2008, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285/60 "2008-06-10T11:43:13Z")
> [@](#): > > Small furry animals, chinchilla if possible. Bear: “Do you find that semen sticks to your fur?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/strangling-the-bishop-what-do-you-do-after/452285.md?page=4)