Why do I have to cover myself and why would I want to get back to civilization, where presumably, I’d have to wear clothes?
Clothing is about more than modesty; it protects you from injury/abrasion, sunburn, cold, rain, etc. There are more functional things -in a survival situation - than a three-piece suit, but I think you’d need some kind of functional clothing and almost certainly footwear.
Could I locate Ayla and enlist her assistance? It would be a piece of cake if she were available. Otherwise, I’m dead within a week.
I agree that you are going to want some sort of covering, even if it is just my skirt made of ferns. If nothing else, it will help keep mosquitoes off of your balls.
A nice coating of mud might be advantageous as well. I know it was a huge help on a canoe trip once that required numerous portages through stinging nettles. After covering our legs with thick river mud, we could walk through them with impunity.
If I was 500 miles away from civilization I would not worry about fashioning clothing unless the weather/environment absolutely demanded it.
What I would do is build shelters in a certain direction (north?) so I would have a quaranteed camping place about 5 miles from the last, all lined up in a northerly direction. I could manage to transfer anything I needed form one camp to the next and if the next camp didn’t work out so well (no water or food) I could always revert back to the last camp (that did have food, water, etc.) and make a change in direction so that eventually my string of camps would lead me to safety.
Camp would mostly consist of lean-to and fire resources.
Would it be cheating if I started the forest on fire? That would surely get the attention of someone, no? Just make sure to stay a safe distance upwind of the blaze and wait for the fire brigade to come.
Quick note on stinging nettles - they carry their own antidote. Only trick is, the antidote is inside the leaves and stems. So next time you get stung, wrap a (non-nettle) leaf or bit of fabric around your hand, pick some nettles and wallop 'em to smithereens with a couple of nearby rocks. Then smear the resulting paste on your sting. Voila! Sting gone.
Nettles are also delicious cooked like spinach with some wild onion, garlic and boursin cheese. Mmmmmmmm…nettles!
That’s probably over-ambitious. With five hundred or so miles to go, your main problem is going to be having enough food (I’ll assume water in a wooded area is going to be relatively easy to find) to sustain you for a month or so of walking. I don’t think you’ll be able to spare the energy to build 99 camps.
It is very difficult to navigate without a compass in a wooded area, but it is possible - moss tends to accumulate on the northern side of trees - but seeing as you are unaware of what lies ahead it is much better to follow running water when you come across it.
If there are ferns around (ubiquitous in wooded areas here) it is possible to twist and tie the stalks together to make a primitive net. You will need a stone to crush the moisture and mushy stuff out, but when this is done the remains makes a useful cord. Be careful though - your hands can easily be lacerated. I’d take a day to make a net and lace fern leaves through it. This will do as a blanket and cloak.
Other than that, eat every single thing living thing you come across. Earthworms and wood lice are delicious and nutritious!
Having said this though, you are still likely to die of exposure. If the weather is kind enough to prevent this I doubt that most soft Western feet could stand 500 miles without suppuration, pain, immobility and death.
Go ahead start the fire, a bit drastic if you remember civilization is 500 miles away and wind has a tendancy to change 
Flames can move faster than you can run :eek:
When I was in the Scouts the leader made nettle tea and this is still one of the most horribly awful things I’ve ever smelt. 
Really overpoweringly dead-carcass nasty.
Re stingy nettles - there are usually what we call dock leaves in the vicinity of nettles. Rubbing the juice from the leaf into a sting soothes quickly. Do you have something similar? Does any fellow Brit have any idea what the proper name for a dock leaf is?
The proper name for a dock leaf is…a sorrel leaf I think
They’re also useful for rubbing over bee/wasp/ant stings.
I was in the Sea Scouts and our noble leader, Admiral Donitz, made us the same brew…holy batshit, I can taste it to this day 
There are a number of dock species - the genus is Rumex and also includes sorrel.
Does bludgeoning Mangetout and taking all his stuff after he has his camp set up and an animal roasting count?
You’d be better off joining forces with me. I’m more useful to you alive than dead.
By the time you’ve fashioned your club he’ll be miles away guzzling pate de fois and chips
It got nowhere near my lips - we were in a bothy in the Southern Uplands and had gathered the nettles. He brewed them them up in a huge billy can and absolutely stank the place out. Yuck, I can still smell it. </insert Proust>
Yeah, nettle tea tastes roughly like compost and smells like compost a skunk rolled in. I always add lots of red clover flowers and schizandra berries or hibiscus flowers to my nettle tea to make it yummy. The lightly sauteed leaves are much tastier.
Said the spider to the fly.
Before I read the whole thread… let me answer.
- Make fire - Yes, but I wouldn’t like it.
- Make some kind of tool/weapon to enable you to hunt. - Yes, but it would take some fiddling.
- Set traps - Perhaps, it’d be slow catches at first if I was outside of my “native area.”
- Find water - Water good. I’m part fish.
- Find suitable material to cover yourself. If I kill it, I’m sure I can get a rudimentary kit of clothing.
- Build a shelter of sorts - Easiest part, assuming I’m doing some traveling, and not “settling down”
- Know what vegetation is good to eat and which to avoid - Nope… and it scares me a bit.
- Avoid dangerous wildlife - Since I’ve already killed stuff, I have my “Spear and Magic Helmet” </elmer fudd opera>
- Build a canoe if you found a stream/river - A raft certainly, but unlikely a full on canoe.
- Get back to civilization - Follow said stream/river, and you’ll get there… eventually.
I’m pretty good in the woods/water, so I’m not usually concerned when I’m out in the woods. That said, I’ve already got some of the things discussed above covered. Hunting season, which is when I’m the furthest away from society, I’ve already got knives (at least 2, if not 3), a gun, 10+ rounds ammo, clothing appropriate to the season, water carrier (bottle/camelback), compasses (2 min), fire starter (lighter & matches), rope, binoculars, light rations, and other bits & bobs. I’d be good to go for the first few days, then I’d need to be working on 1-10 above.