# Stuff people never do in films. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 12, 2005, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013 "2005-04-12T20:40:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/101 "2005-04-14T12:09:03Z")
> [@blowero](#): > > Ooh, I hate that. Pardon the blatant sidetrack, but what’s with the out-of-control sound effects? Someone types on a computer keyboard, and the sound is just _deafening_. Or they hit the speed dial on their phone and it goes BEEP BEEP BOOP BOP BEEP BIP BOOP. Hey sound-effects guy: Just stop it. Especially on cell phones. The speed dial on my cell is silent - no BEEP BOOP BOOP noises at all. And fast-forwarding a VCR in a movie (or TV) always makes that speeded-up voice sound. None of the VCRs I’ve owned over the years ever did that. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/102 "2005-04-14T12:21:34Z")
> [@pokey](#): > > Even if she is lucky enough to not be menstruating, surely she wishes for a little rinse before joe handsome makes his move. Women do this? What are you rinsing away? Cooties? ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/103 "2005-04-14T13:23:25Z")
> [@nivlac](#): > > How about flipping open their cell phone and NOT find a signal! I want the kind of cell phone Fox Mulder had – the one that can get a signal inside a buried boxcar in the middle of the desert. ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/104 "2005-04-14T13:39:12Z")
> [@MackoUr](#): > > On the subject of mestruating, I do recall that it was a plot point in one of the Friday the 13th movies that the heroine doesn’t have sex because of her period, thus insuring her survival (i.e. Jason never kills the girl who hasn’t had onscreen sex). For that matter, menarche is a vital plot point of _Carrie_. ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/105 "2005-04-14T13:50:22Z")
> [@SPOOFE](#): > > I don’t know why so many people complain about characters not saying “Bye” when they hang up the phone. The phone doesn’t need to hear “bye” in order to end the communication. There’s not some magic listening device that will get all cranky and complain if it doesn’t hear the word “bye”. > > Frankly, I never end my phone calls with “bye”. I’m not a Pavlovian-trained animal that needs an exact, precise cue to know when a conversation is over. Hmm, it looks like this could be the basis of it’s own thread. I don’t know if it’s regional, but everywhere I’ve been (mostly the southern US), it’s considered very rude, or as an act of anger, not to end a call with “bye” or “talk to ya later,” or whatever. I find it convenient to have a signal that the call is finished. Kind of like the old “over and out” in bad war movies. ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/106 "2005-04-14T14:16:37Z")
> [@JeffB](#): > > A related one: when there is some sort of recording and the character rewinds to hear something again, it always starts replaying exactly where they want it. On a related note, whenever a taped phone conversation is played, the voices are always absurdly clear, as though the characters were taped sitting directly across from each other. Real taped phone conversations are so muffled and distorted as to be almost inaudible, as anyone who’s watched “American Justice” or similar programs knows. People talking on the phone in movies also never talk over each other. ---
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/107 "2005-04-14T14:27:27Z")
> [@RikWriter](#): > > This depends. If your adrenaline is pumping and you’re in a life-or-death situation, you may not even hear the gun going off. I know that, when stalking game (I dislike using blinds) I have sometimes not worn earplugs to better hear the noises of the deer or hog. When I saw one run out in front of me and took my shot, I didn’t even notice the report of the rifle, much less have it hurt my ears. But you were _outside_ not in an enclosed space. Makes a world of difference. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/108 "2005-04-14T14:37:58Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > Yet another computer one… No-one ever uses the frickin mouse! No one ever plugs their frickin laptop in. Battery life is not great on those things… plug it in for ogs sake! And when you’ve finished using it _turn it off_, don’t just close the lid. Scotty used the mouse when in 20th-century San Franscisco in Trek IV. Of course, he picked it up and attempted to speak into it, but he DID use it… ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/109 "2005-04-14T15:12:44Z")
> [@Nonsuch](#): > > On a related note, whenever a taped phone conversation is played, the voices are always absurdly clear, as though the characters were taped sitting directly across from each other. And on airplanes, there’s no wind or engine noise at all, as if they’re sitting in an office. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/110 "2005-04-14T15:27:55Z")
Take more than .002 seconds to disengage themselves after having sex. As soon as it ends, or as soon as the couple is surprised by somebody, the guy immediately rolls off and, depending on the situation, either says something romantic or leaps up to yell something in protest. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/111 "2005-04-14T15:37:52Z")
> [@furryman](#): > > Nobody ever buys groceries except for French Bread, celery, oranges and a couple of cans of something unidentifable. You never see a man shopping for groceries period. In **About Schmidt** , there’s a scene when the title character goes grocery shopping and comes out of the store with nothing but frozen pizzas, much like you’d expect someone who’s recently become a bacholar again to do. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/112 "2005-04-14T15:46:25Z")
Try to use the internet, only to realize, for whatever reason, they can’t connect, and not when it’s convientent to the plot(like in **The Recruit** ). It just seems that for some people, they act like their laptops are wireless and that wireless networks exist everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![wampeter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@wampeter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wampeter)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/113 "2005-04-14T17:52:45Z")
> [@MLS](#): > > In films, labor and delivery takes about 15 minutes. Women go from walking down the street, la, la, la, la, la, _BAM_, groan, moan, shriek, oops, there’s a baby. And what about the afterbirth?? Even when they show the birth as being painful and/or taking a (kind of) long time, it always ends: baby comes out, mother holds it in her arms smiling and tired. Come on, it’s not like giving birth is a new concept to human beings, does everyone just _forget_ there’s the placenta to deal with? This drives me crazy! ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/114 "2005-04-14T18:20:38Z")
> [@MLS](#): > > In films, labor and delivery takes about 15 minutes. Women go from walking down the street, la, la, la, la, la, _BAM_, groan, moan, shriek, oops, there’s a baby. I don’t think anyone wants to watch 10 hours of footage of a woman giving birth. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/115 "2005-04-14T18:25:04Z")
> [@Sample\_the\_Dog](#): > > Neither. I’d have him using a box he built himself. That works if you want to depict him as a nerd; you plant him behind a jury-rigged box, with “kewl” stickers and neon lights for decoration, and a thousand wires snaking out the back. Good luck getting Tom Cruise to play _that_ part, however. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/116 "2005-04-14T18:27:42Z")
> [@blowero](#): > > I don’t think anyone wants to watch 10 hours of footage of a woman giving birth. 😃 Speak for your… nah, I got nothing. But they don’t even show that time has elapsed. It’s often a plot point that “oh my god, my water broke! We have to get to the hospital! The baby’s going to be here any minute!” No, it’s not. You’ve got a long wait ahead of you and there’s no need for a highspeed deathdefying ride to the hospital. Take a minute and grab your toothbrush. ---
**Author:** ![wampeter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@wampeter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wampeter)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/117 "2005-04-14T18:30:09Z")
> [@blowero](#): > > I don’t think anyone wants to watch 10 hours of footage of a woman giving birth. 😃 Of course not, but they shouldn’t show it as if it’s in real time. A quick cut away and cut back hours later would do the trick. ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/118 "2005-04-14T18:31:39Z")
> [@Sunshine and Smiles](#): > > People never just mess up their words and say something funny. I’m not sure I can describe it much better than that. Seinfeld, for example, almost did this, but that’s a TV show. Well I _have_ seen movies that played off of misunderstandings though. Woody Allen did it, e.g. “I have a gub”, and “He didn’t say 'No, did you?” - he said, “No, JEW”. And in _My Cousin Vinnie_ - “What’s a yout?” 😃 Oh yeah - and _This Is Spinal Tap_, when she keeps saying “Dubly” instead of “Dolby”. ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/119 "2005-04-14T18:34:19Z")
> [@wampeter](#): > > Of course not, but they shouldn’t show it as if it’s in real time. A quick cut away and cut back hours later would do the trick. They could use that “cut to a sped up clock” device. Or play the Jeopardy music. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013/120 "2005-04-14T22:55:57Z")
> [@blowero](#): > > I don’t think anyone wants to watch 10 hours of footage of a woman giving birth. 😃 Well, no, but the film and t.v. industry clearly show a transition from just fine thank you to horrible agony of approximately one nanosecond. Followed by the actual birth immediately after. Just bogus all around. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-people-never-do-in-films/299013.md?page=7)