# Stuff you do when you're absolutely cerain you're all alone **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 3, 2012, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701 "2012-05-03T00:32:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Uber\_the\_Goober](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/58956e/32.png) [@Uber\_the\_Goober](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uber_the_Goober)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2012, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/21 "2012-05-03T20:13:10Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Actually, I only need to wear noise cancelling headphones > > [spoiler] to masturbate, > > [spoiler] on the bus. > > [spoiler]Because people are always yelling at me. And it’s always the same thing. > > [spoiler]“What’s the matter with you? You’re supposed to be an adult!” > > [spoiler]And I always say “Relax lady!” > > [spoiler]And she’ll say, “But you’re the driver!” > > And I’ll say “Look lady, chill out. I’m going to get your kid to school on time!”[/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler] That was great…LOL! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2012, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/22 "2012-05-03T22:33:13Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > … I also talk to myself - mostly angry responses to someone else that I refrained from saying at the time. I do that a lot. Occasionally I’ll make up scenarios in which I DO give the angry response, mostly because I never think of the right thing to say in the moment IRL, so I get to fantasize that I do. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Uber\_the\_Goober](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/58956e/32.png) [@Uber\_the\_Goober](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uber_the_Goober)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2012, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/23 "2012-05-03T23:21:47Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > \ > Shopkeeper in Whiterun: Let me know if you see anything you like. > Me: I like how, whenever I walk into your shop, my minion comes running out of your bedroom. Seriously, wtf is up with that??? I’ll have conversations with the npc’s i’m about to stealth kill. Kinda morbid I guess… ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2012, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/24 "2012-05-03T23:29:08Z")
Whatever the voices tell me to do. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/25 "2012-05-04T01:33:45Z")
Play the saxophone nude. Drink milk right out of the carton. Push my potbelly out to the size and shape of a beachball, then beat rhythmically on it. Sing a somewhat Napoleon XIVish ditty of my own composing, entitled _I’m Going to Cut Off My Dick_. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/26 "2012-05-04T01:43:25Z")
(Please note: _I’m Going to Cut Off My Dick_ is a work of fiction. I do not actually harbor the compulsion to cut off my dick.) ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/27 "2012-05-04T01:52:31Z")
Argue with/swear at the TV news. ---
**Author:** ![BTEzra04](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9f8e36/32.png) [@BTEzra04](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BTEzra04)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/28 "2012-05-04T02:02:12Z")
I rant out loud about things that aggravate me and get under my skin a little. The anger sounds a lot worse than it truly is. I guess it’s just a way of unleashing the emotions I’ve held back for a while. Also, sing/hum some. It bothers me to hear other people do it when I’m around them. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/29 "2012-05-04T02:02:59Z")
Pop in the ol’ “Emma” DVD, and skip ahead to watch Mr. Knightly save Miss Smith at the dance. It’s just so…lovely. Oh, and masturbate loudly. ETA: But not in the same window of time. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/30 "2012-05-04T02:04:34Z")
Laugh at stuff on TV then tell the cats what the joke was. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/31 "2012-05-04T02:30:32Z")
Talk to the cat in a baby voice. “Whooz a priddy kiddy? You! You are! What a priddy priddy kiddy you are!” 🙂 Give my mom/friend/mother what-for, in a loud voice, spitting it right out, no holds barred, telling them what idiots they are, how can they live with themselves, and how they are ruining, yes, ruining my life. ☹ Blow my nose into a scrap of newspaper instead of getting up to go get a tissue.:o Stare into the hallway mirror and with a big safety pin try to pry out food particles that are stubbornly wedged in between those two molars ( flossing is futile :mad:). Singing. I have the worst voice in the history of mankind and am forbidden from singing unless I’m all alone in the house. :eek: Watching ‘House’ re-runs in the daytime starting in the morning until I hear someone’s car pull into the driveway, and then I turn it off because I don’t want to look obsessed or anything.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/32 "2012-05-04T04:37:54Z")
I leave all the doors inside the house open. Shower with the bathroom door open, sleep with the bedroom door open, masturbate with whatever door open (but only at a moderate volume). If it’s not cold I’ll just be naked doing whatever I’d be doing anyway. I put music on loud enough (and sometimes synched up an multiple players) that I can hear it anywhere in the house. Sing and dance around like an idiot. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/33 "2012-05-04T06:14:25Z")
Not alone, but only one awake-strip naked ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/34 "2012-05-04T06:20:51Z")
Chew with my mouth open, slurp my tea, until I get annoyed at myself. Swear at the TV and explain to the cats why the plot is stupid. Watch porn. Fart. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/35 "2012-05-04T06:33:07Z")
I turn into Bon Qui Qui and tell the onions in my fridge how “I’ll cut you.”… right after I’m done with the garlic first. ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/36 "2012-05-04T06:50:59Z")
I sing in the shower and in the car. And I sing well, in my opinion. I’d rather not share any samples. ---
**Author:** ![WhyWhyWhy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whywhywhy/32/7539_2.png) [@WhyWhyWhy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyWhyWhy)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/37 "2012-05-04T07:24:15Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Actually, I only need to wear noise cancelling headphones > [/spoiler] ITIBASOSLTH (I think I busted a spleen or something laughing too hard.) Damn, I REALLY needed that! ---
**Author:** ![FrancisCastle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b4bc9f/32.png) [@FrancisCastle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrancisCastle)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/38 "2012-05-04T20:31:55Z")
I talk to the people on sports talk radio like they can hear me. ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/39 "2012-05-04T22:05:21Z")
Sing opera. I think I sound fantastic. But probably I don’t. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Pops1963](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9de053/32.png) [@Pops1963](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pops1963)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2012, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701/40 "2012-05-06T05:40:56Z")
Sing loudly oohh wait I do that after a sufficient amount of beer Rap same as above(Bustah Rhymes got nothin on me) Masturbate at whatever volume, telling the dogs not to judge me Take a nice crap with the door open also while telling the dogs not to judge me Scratch my my balls(yeah the whole dog thing) I seem to sense a pattern here [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-do-when-youre-absolutely-cerain-youre-all-alone/620701.md?page=3)