# Stuff you thought you had figured out as a child **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 23, 2016, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642 "2016-09-23T14:25:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2016, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/21 "2016-09-24T17:50:44Z")
My dad was watching a Formula One race on TV. I announced that if I were a race car driver, I would simply press the pedal down all the way the whole time, therefore attaining the maximum possible speed. Race car drivers must be pretty dumb. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2016, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/22 "2016-09-24T18:14:55Z")
> [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](#): > > When I first heard about menstruation, I read the definition in a dictionary and understood it perfectly: women have one huge egg in their bellies and when it’s not fertilized it loses bits of its lining. Now, I’ll impress my friend with my perfect knowledge of all this grown-up stuff. Until just recently, I thought a woman’s ovaries manufacture a new egg every month. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2016, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/23 "2016-09-24T18:49:27Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > About age 4 or so I believed that Lincoln freed the sleighs, which had become stuck in snow. This enabled Santa to end the war. …and the prize for “Today’s most heartwarming post” goes to **quadgop** 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2016, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/24 "2016-09-24T21:00:31Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > Couldn’t figure out why my parents kept driving by those ‘Do Not Pass’ signs on the road. > > I mean really, stop now. You can’t pass them. My mother was in her fifties before I was finally able to explain “Keep Right” signs to her. She kept thinking it meant you had to take a right turn there. (We had some adventures while travelling.) ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2016, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/25 "2016-09-24T21:10:24Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > …and the prize for “Today’s most heartwarming post” goes to **quadgop** 🙂 “The hell with it, I’m not going to shoot _Santa_!” ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2016, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/26 "2016-09-24T21:23:05Z")
I thought foreign languages were based on letter-substitution ciphers of English - so all you needed to learn was 26 things to be able to speak any particular language. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2016, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/27 "2016-09-24T22:41:39Z")
I don’t remember stuff that I thought I had figured out; I remember stuff that confused me. Maybe it’s just another way of expressing the same idea. I remember my dad watering the lawn, and he told me to go over to the faucet where the hose was connected and turn off the water. I got there and then shouted “which way is off?” He shouted back “to the right”. I looked at the knob on the faucet and figured that if the top of the knob went to the right, then the bottom would be going to the left, and so I was no closer to a solution than before I asked. And dad was not a patient man. The other one that confused me was the phrase “every other” to mean alternating. Someone would say something like (describing a string of Christmas lights) “every other light is green.” That meant that there was one red light (or whatever) and every other one in the world was green, but I could see that wasn’t the case. Took a while to get that sorted out. > [@lorene](#): > > Oh, and I thought the underground railroad was an actual railroad. Yeah, that one had me going for a while, too. > [@friedo](#): > > My dad was watching a Formula One race on TV. I announced that if I were a race car driver, I would simply press the pedal down all the way the whole time, therefore attaining the maximum possible speed. We had a slot car set when I was a kid. I knew it ran on electricity that ran through the track, was picked up by brushes under the front of each car, and powered a motor that turned the rear wheels. When I found out that an electric generator works because something turns it, I thought we could just put a small generator in each car, connect it to the front wheels, use that to power the motor, and it would run forever. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2016, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/28 "2016-09-24T22:54:57Z")
re **Robot Arm** ’s slot car with a generator – the first time I ever saw someone plug an extension cord into itself, I freaked. I thought a huge scary electrical accident was going to result. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2016, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/29 "2016-09-24T23:58:50Z")
I was born in 1961, so the space age wasn’t that old when I was a kid. Around the age of four or five or so I thought that each satellite was unique enough that you could memorize a list of every single one that had ever been launched. :o ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/30 "2016-09-25T00:31:15Z")
> [@Last\_Glacial\_Maximum](#): > > In third or fourth grade, I thought girls served no useful purpose whatsoever. Don’t be silly. They’re there so the cooties have a place to live! ---
**Author:** ![HelenGawn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@HelenGawn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenGawn)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/31 "2016-09-25T00:43:41Z")
As a very young child I believed that boys have brown eyes and girls have blue eyes. This despite having a close blue-eyed male cousin and a green-eyed sister. I think it was because doll manufacturers at the time followed that model. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/32 "2016-09-25T00:57:36Z")
When I was very young: George Washington isn’t smiling on the one dollar bill because he has wooden teeth. I remember feeling sorry for black kids because I thought their parents never laughed or played with them. Or hugged them or showed any sort of love what so ever. I also thought black parents where prone to doling out ass whippings at the drop of the hat. :o. Have NO idea why I thought that as my parents didn’t have a racist bone in their body. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/33 "2016-09-25T01:30:04Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > George Washington isn’t smiling on the one dollar bill because he has wooden teeth. There may be something to that. I’ll bet it was hard to eat ribs. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/34 "2016-09-25T02:20:13Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > Oh, and I thought the underground railroad was an actual railroad. Oh goodness, I thought that, too. Compounded by the fact that I had seen illustrations of the John Henry story where he was digging through rock for the purpose of making a railroad tunnel. Nevermind that steam hammers or whatever he was competing against significantly post-date the slavery in the United States. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/35 "2016-09-25T02:26:41Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I remember my dad watering the lawn, and he told me to go over to the faucet where the hose was connected and turn off the water. I got there and then shouted “which way is off?” He shouted back “to the right”. I looked at the knob on the faucet and figured that if the top of the knob went to the right, then the bottom would be going to the left, and so I was no closer to a solution than before I asked. And dad was not a patient man. [Are you me?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=16140011) ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/36 "2016-09-25T03:11:01Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > …\ > I remember my dad watering the lawn, and he told me to go over to the faucet where the hose was connected and turn off the water. I got there and then shouted “which way is off?” He shouted back “to the right”. I looked at the knob on the faucet and figured that if the top of the knob went to the right, then the bottom would be going to the left, and so I was no closer to a solution than before I asked. \… Hell, this one still has me flummoxed. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/37 "2016-09-25T04:28:59Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > I was born in 1961, so the space age wasn’t that old when I was a kid. Around the age of four or five or so I thought that each satellite was unique enough that **you could memorize a list of every single one that had ever been launched.** :o Well, one still _can_, right? It just takes a lot of effort, but people have certainly memorized even longer things. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/38 "2016-09-25T05:01:04Z")
I thought that “a couple” used as an indeterminate number meant four or five. I remember I worked out a whole system for what “a few” or “several” or various other indeterminate terms meant. It took me years to realize that “a couple” is the same as the word describing two people in a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/39 "2016-09-25T10:56:05Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Well, one still _can_, right? It just takes a lot of effort, but people have certainly memorized even longer things. Interestingly, if you use the other meaning of “satellite” – a moon of a planet – Lumpy’s post still makes sense. In the 1960s, we were aware of something like 25 moons in our solar system, not too hard to memorize – but now we’re up to more like 70, so forget it. (These numbers are estimates without looking it up, but you get the idea.) ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/40 "2016-09-25T11:25:30Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Hell, this one still has me flummoxed. :dubious: If you are looking down on a four-handled faucet knob that is horizontal in a rotational axis, then imagine turning it clockwise, the “top” north-pointing handle moves “right”, to the east then south etc. But the “bottom” south-facing handle moves “left” to the west then the north etc. That’s why his dad should have said “Clockwise!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642.md?page=3)