# Stuff you thought you had figured out as a child **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 23, 2016, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642 "2016-09-23T14:25:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/101 "2016-10-05T01:12:31Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > A tiger was next on the list. Calvin dealt with that in the comics. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/102 "2016-10-05T01:44:48Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > When I was really little, I thought that TV characters were little people that lived inside the TV. This reminds me that I thought TVs were like portals to the places where the characters were. While I never figured out how to do it, I was convinced that there was a way to jump into the TV and be transported to those places. ---
**Author:** ![Arcite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/67e7ee/32.png) [@Arcite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arcite)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/103 "2016-10-05T03:31:18Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#): > > I used to think that every time a man and woman had sex, it resulted in a baby. So mom and dad had sex FOUR times (gross!!!). Ha! I’ve mentioned I believed the same thing, in previous threads, but no one else ever chimed in and admitted to being similarly mistaken! Nice to meet a fellow traveler. The example I use is that once, when I was a kid, my mother was watching _The Honeymooners_ on Nick at Nite, and the premise of the particular episode she was watching was that Alice is behaving oddly because of some circumstance shown to the audience but not to Ralph, Ralph mistakes her behavior for signs that she’s pregnant, and hilarity ensues. I fundamentally didn’t get the concept–how could Ralph be mistaken about Alice being pregnant? If they had sex, she’s pregnant; if they didn’t, she’s not. QED. I repeatedly protested about this to my mother until she finally told me “you don’t get pregnant every time you have sex!” My mother wasn’t always the best at dispelling my childhood mistaken ideas. Another thing I thought I had figured out was that every time a family moved, they simply traded houses with another family. I couldn’t conceive that every day there were people being born, people dying, kids growing up and moving out, people moving into retirement villages, etc. So it must be that the Smiths moved into the Jones’ old house, and the Jones moved into the Smiths’ old house, period. How could it be otherwise? If the Smiths moved into the Jones’ old house, and the Joneses moved into the Browns’ old house, and the Browns moved into the Greens’ old house… well, I suppose the Greens could move into the Smiths’ old house, but there couldn’t possibly be that many families all needing to move at the same time. My mother didn’t exactly help with this one, because I explicit asked her “Mom, when people move, do they trade houses?” And she simply replied “sometimes.” ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/104 "2016-10-05T16:05:26Z")
Something I happened on today on another board: an even wilder flight of kid imagination, than the quite common all-dogs-male-all-cats-female-mixed-puppies-and-kittens-litters misconception. The poster tells of how as a small child, he believed that Mickey Mouse’s nephews, Morty and Ferdy, were the sons of Donald and Daisy Duck; while Donald 's nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie were the sons of Mickey and Minnie. He carries on to comment: “This goes a long way towards explaining why genetics has never been my strong suit”. ---
**Author:** ![Cartoonacy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/848f3c/32.png) [@Cartoonacy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartoonacy)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/105 "2016-10-05T18:28:59Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > I’ve heard this before, but I just can’t believe it…It just doesn’t make sense logically.\* > Even back in the old days, movies had plots. Why would you pay money fora ticket, and then walk into the middle of the story, knowing that you’d already missed something, and might not be able to follow the plot? > > \*except for one , unrelated fact: air conditioning. My grandparents told me that on a hot summer day, they would sit all day in a movie theater even if they didn’t like the movie, because it was the only building in the city with air conditioning. Beats me, but things like that didn’t bother us back then. We didn’t have VCRs or DVRs or On Demand, either, and quite often would come home and turn on the TV in the middle of a show. We’d have to wait for summer reruns to find out how the story started.\* And we were OK with that, because that’s the way it was. (\ What, were we supposed to plan our lives around a TV or movie schedule? Insanity! \) - I recently mentioned on another thread that I remember coming home from grocery shopping and turning on the TV twenty minutes into _Star Trek_. The episode was “Assignment Earth.” It a while for me to accept that I was watching the right program. ---
**Author:** ![Cartoonacy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/848f3c/32.png) [@Cartoonacy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartoonacy)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/106 "2016-10-05T18:36:31Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > And my sister, when she was young, would say things like that she was “soaking happy”. Because after all, “soaking wet” means “very wet”, right? So clearly, “soaking” means “very”. I had a friend who came to the conclusion that “savvy” meant “slowly,” based on Western movies and comic books with lines like, “Put your gun down on the ground – savvy?” ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/107 "2016-10-05T21:23:11Z")
I grew up in Los Alamos New Mexico. Both of my parents had PhD’s as did many of their friends. So growing up I assumed that everyone went to graduate school for 7 years after finishing college. ---
**Author:** ![Arcite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/67e7ee/32.png) [@Arcite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arcite)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/108 "2016-10-05T22:10:28Z")
> [@Buck\_Godot](#): > > I grew up in Los Alamos New Mexico. Both of my parents had PhD’s as did many of their friends. So growing up I assumed that everyone went to graduate school for 7 years after finishing college. That reminds me of another one. My middle school had a directory which listed all the teachers and their degrees. They almost all had a B.A. and an M.A., so I deduced that a master’s degree was a 4-year degree, what everyone who went to college got, and that halfway through, after 2 years, you were awarded a bachelor’s degree along the way. ---
**Author:** ![Scougs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scougs/32/3158_2.png) [@Scougs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scougs)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/109 "2016-10-06T10:09:31Z")
I’ve got three to share. When I first heard about evolution, I reckoned if I tried hard enough, I could evolve wings. I spent ages in the nearby woods climbing onto a tree stump, then jumping off flapping my arms. Again and again. Never did evolve… Because my parents had first names with the same initial, and post would arrive address to Mr & Mrs E Surname, I thought you had to marry someone with the same first initial as you. My first crush when I was about six had the same initial as me - I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I must have thought “he’ll do”. The third one isn’t so stupid, and maybe more people should think like this. When I first heard about credit cards, I just didn’t get it. “So… you have to pay for it anyway? But end up paying more for it? Why would anyone do that? Why not just save up for it?”. Made absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/110 "2016-10-06T15:24:40Z")
> [@Scougs](#): > > The third one isn’t so stupid, and maybe more people should think like this. When I first heard about credit cards, I just didn’t get it. “So… you have to pay for it anyway? But end up paying more for it? Why would anyone do that? Why not just save up for it?”. Made absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. Before debit cards, more convenient than carrying around large sums of cash. Plus they’re effectively a “payday loan”. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/111 "2016-10-06T15:47:57Z")
> [@Scougs](#): > > When I first heard about evolution, I reckoned if I tried hard enough, I could evolve wings. I spent ages in the nearby woods climbing onto a tree stump, then jumping off flapping my arms. Again and again. Never did evolve… That is classic! It made me laugh (with you, not at you) just imagining the scene and the effort behind it! ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/112 "2016-10-06T16:31:16Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Before debit cards, more convenient than carrying around large sums of cash. Plus they’re effectively a “payday loan”. Not only that, but if the goods or service should turn out to be unsatisfactory you have more latitude where getting a refund is concerned. That’s the only saving grace as far as I am concerned. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/113 "2016-10-06T19:28:07Z")
> [@](#): > > Quoth **Scougs** : > > The third one isn’t so stupid, and maybe more people should think like this. When I first heard about credit cards, I just didn’t get it. “So… you have to pay for it anyway? But end up paying more for it? Why would anyone do that? Why not just save up for it?”. Made absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. I’ll bet you held out for a [second marshmallow](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment), too. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/114 "2016-10-06T20:57:17Z")
I thought of another one, thanks to the Honeymooners story. There was an episode of Growing Pains where Mike tried to impress a divorced mom by pretending to be a divorced father (he convinced his younger sister to pretend to be his son). At the end of the episode, Mike confessed to the woman that he’d never been married. The woman said she was okay with it, because he was a good father. I did not understand how she didn’t figure out the whole truth after that revelation. She knows he was never married, so how could she still think that he was a father? ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/115 "2016-10-28T05:29:11Z")
I used to think that when a celebrity or guest of honor threw out the “first pitch” at a baseball game, that it was a\* competitive pitch\* - that he was actually pitching a real pitch to one of the away team’s batters, for them to swing at. I also thought that a “salad bar” was a handheld bar of vegetables, like a granola bar. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/116 "2016-10-28T13:31:23Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I have a first cousin, once removed, who still believes this … even though she’s in her '60s. She thinks a dog impregnates a cat, who gives birth to a litter of mixed puppies and kittens. > > She also thinks Alaska and Hawaii are right off the coast of California, just like on grade school maps. How is this possible? Sent from my SM-G900P using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/117 "2016-10-28T15:35:07Z")
I thought that when there was a kissing scene on TV or in a movie that the actors used some kind of special-effects trickery to just make it\* look \*like they were kissing. Because people don’t kiss anyone other than their spouse. I also thought that all nude scenes were done with flesh-coloured bodysuits because nobody would get naked in front of anyone other than their husband or wife. ---
**Author:** ![Brodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cc9497/32.png) [@Brodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brodi)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/118 "2016-10-28T16:42:50Z")
When I was really little we lived in the Marshall Islands and thought all my relatives lived on other small islands. My mom had to explain to me that California was NOT a small island in the middle of the Pacific. When I was 3 or 4 I believed WW1 was the beginning of the world. The island we’d lived on had been the scene of bloody battles with the Japanese in WW2. A lot of the footage showed explosions, destroyed buildings, etc. For some reason I though it was WW1 and all of the above stuff was the “Big Bang” I’d heard about. I also believed everything was B&W in the past. ---
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/119 "2016-10-28T19:09:51Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > When I first became aware of Presidential elections, I assumed the person who lost would become Vice-President. It didn’t occur to me how that would be an invitation to assassination. [This is actually how Vice Presidents used to be elected](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vice_President_of_the_United_States#Original_election_process_and_reform). The Vice President was the guy who came in second place in the Presidential election. It didn’t work out too well as you imagine, so we changed it. First to where they were elected separately, and finally to the current “two for one deal” system we have today. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2016, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642/120 "2016-11-02T19:14:16Z")
When I was little my dad said that he was going to Canadian Tire because a Playboy model would be there signing autographs. I honestly and truly thought that a naked lady would be in the Canadian Tire and demanded to go with him to make sure he behaved himself. When we got there I was confused because there was a nice lady at a table signing pictures, she was very pleasant and said hi to me, and for the life of me I could not figure out where the naked lady was. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-you-thought-you-had-figured-out-as-a-child/766642.md?page=7)