# Stuff your better half does that drives you crazy **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 27, 2012, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135 "2012-02-27T09:37:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2012, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/61 "2012-02-29T14:30:10Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Just a tip, from personal experience (and backed up by research.) This is called reassurance seeking behavior. She asks you these questions to moderate her anxiety. The more you reassure her, the more anxious she will become, and the more she will seek reassurance. My husband and I broke this cycle when he stopped responding in the affirmative. He started saying things like, ‘‘What do you think?’’ and ‘‘Honey, I am not going to reinforce this behavior. Show yourself compassion.’’ This forced me to learn how to deal with my anxiety without being dependent on him. I…wow. This is possibly the most personally relevant and helpful thing I have ever read on this message board. _I do this_. Mine is usually tied to monthly hormone fluctuations, but still, I frequently get that panicky, “Oh God, he doesn’t want me anymore, I need to make sure he still does,” thing, and wind up asking him 23920 times and I know he’s annoyed with it and _I’m_ annoyed with it but it’s like this compulsion. This is an entirely new way to look at this. I’m going to tell MrWhatsit also. > [@Mr.Accident](#): > > It depends on what I’m doing that day. With the economy the way it is, I’m having trouble finding steady work, so I take whatever jobs I can find. It’s not uncommon in one day for me to clean out horse stalls in the morning, sand paint off of old furniture at lunch and clean churches in the evening. I meet with the clients before each job, so I don’t want to show up at one job covered in sweat, dirt, and other stuff from the previous job. So a quick trip home to clean up, so I make a good impression. OK, this makes sense. I guess I was envisioning an office worker with OCD or something. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2012, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/62 "2012-02-29T15:28:53Z")
My wife doesn’t like to drive or navigate when we are in unfamiliar areas, so she’ll pretty much just kind of wait for me to figure it all out. She also doesn’t really seem to get how long things take so she always underestimates how long it takes to get somewhere. Other than that, she rocks. ---
**Author:** ![cruel\_butterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5daacb/32.png) [@cruel\_butterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cruel_butterfly)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2012, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/63 "2012-02-29T16:59:45Z")
It takes him 10 minutes to tell a 30-second story. No one cares what you ordered at the restaurant…get to the part where the fight broke out! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2012, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/64 "2012-02-29T19:09:25Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > This has caused some conflict, but it won’t kill me. My spouse is another chronically late person, sometimes _hours_ late – but it reassures her, while she prepares, to see me standing my the door with my coat on holding my keys, so even if she’s not ready – even if she won’t be ready for a _long time_ – she gets annoyed if I an doing anything other than standing by the door tapping my feet. > > “Why are you watching TV? Get ready!” > > “I’m wearing my coat. I’m holding the remote. All I have to do is press a button, set it down, and walk out the door.” > > “Well, turn the TV off now.” \ > > This next habit causes less stress, but probably WILL kill me some day. She’s infamously unsafe with positioning/storing inanimate objects. Just yesterday she was napping in the living room, so I came through quietly, without turning on a light…and tripped over the vacuum cleaner, _which she had laid horizontally across the walkway_, despite the (much larger) available _non-walking_ space right next to it she could have left it in. Notable to this story is the fact that she had not, of course, vacuumed. She just got it out of the closet and laid it across the most-traveled walkway in the house _in preparation for future vacuuming tomorrow_. > > She also once stowed a gun by the bed…loaded…pointed at our pillows, not away from us. > > To keep knife blades from touching things while she’s using them, she’ll set them down with the handle on the counter and the blade projecting out into the kitchen working area at stomach height. > > It’s like living with Macauley Culkin sometimes. You must really, REALLY love her. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jbone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/58f4c7/32.png) [@Jbone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jbone)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2012, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/65 "2012-02-29T19:19:50Z")
Let me see, things that my wife does that bug me the most: [ul] [li]Dishes in the sink - Her version of doing the dishes consists of throwing everything from the counter into a sink of soapy water and then leaving it. Just because the counter is clean, does mean they’re done! On top of that, I’ll have to pull everything out, and get rid of the cold, murky water and start over.[/li][li]Along that same line - loading dishes in the dishwasher. I like having a little organization when I load the washer meaning make sure all dinner plates/bowls/glasses make it in before anything else. It makes unloading so much easier when you only have to open one cabinet to put everything back instead of eventually having to open every cabinet in the kitchen to put one or two things in each.[/li][li]Bathroom cleanliness is terrible. Floss laying on or near the sink, makeup powder everywhere. Bits of toilet paper on counter. Robes/towels/dirty clothes laying wherever they were taken off. Clumps of toothpaste globbed up on the sink edges. I mean, what the hell is she doing in there? Fighting World War 3?[/li][/ul] I do give her credit though, when it comes time to get down and do some nitty-gritty cleaning, she can do much better than I ever will. Give her a couple hours while I take the kids to the store, and I can come back to an entirely cleaned house. So basically, during the work week it is a pig sty, and the weekend is spent cleaning up the mess. I prefer to try and keep the house semi-clean during the week so I can actually relax on my days off. ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2012, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/66 "2012-02-29T19:37:52Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > This has caused some conflict, but it won’t kill me. My spouse is another chronically late person, sometimes _hours_ late – but it reassures her, while she prepares, to see me standing my the door with my coat on holding my keys, so even if she’s not ready – even if she won’t be ready for a _long time_ – she gets annoyed if I an doing anything other than standing by the door tapping my feet. > > “Why are you watching TV? Get ready!” > > “I’m wearing my coat. I’m holding the remote. All I have to do is press a button, set it down, and walk out the door.” > > “Well, turn the TV off now.” \ > > This next habit causes less stress, but probably WILL kill me some day. She’s infamously unsafe with positioning/storing inanimate objects. Just yesterday she was napping in the living room, so I came through quietly, without turning on a light…and tripped over the vacuum cleaner, _which she had laid horizontally across the walkway_, despite the (much larger) available _non-walking_ space right next to it she could have left it in. Notable to this story is the fact that she had not, of course, vacuumed. She just got it out of the closet and laid it across the most-traveled walkway in the house _in preparation for future vacuuming tomorrow_. > > She also once stowed a gun by the bed…loaded…pointed at our pillows, not away from us. > > To keep knife blades from touching things while she’s using them, she’ll set them down with the handle on the counter and the blade projecting out into the kitchen working area at stomach height. > > It’s like living with Macauley Culkin sometimes. Hahahaha, you sure she’s not trying to off you? How much life insurance do you have? My main complaint with my DH is that he takes his clothes off and either leaves them on the bedroom floor, or puts them on top of the lid on the hamper I store the single socks in. About once a week, I go in to that hamper to see if I can dig out a pair of socks that made it in to different laundry loads (and were therfore singles when I put them in there), and I have to move all his worn but not quite dirty yet clothes that he doesn’t fold and put away or hang up. Drives me nuts! He’s also a slow thinker/decision maker, but it balances out my impulsiveness. To be honest, after being with him for a decade, his slowness has helped me develop my patience, so it’s a good thing. I know I have some pretty bad habits too. I tend to zone out when he’s talking to me, which is rude, and I repeat myself a lot. I also do dishes differently then him, so if I start them up, and he takes over, he gets irritated about how I’ve put them in the sink. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2012, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/67 "2012-02-29T20:15:52Z")
Cooking _anything_ somehow involves the use of every single pot, pan, dish, utensil, and kitchen appliance we own. And then she’ll just pile them in the sink, where they’ll remain unless/until I wash them. When I cook OTOH, the kitchen actually ends up _cleaner_ than it was before I started, and the cooking dishes are all washed and put away even before we eat. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2012, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/68 "2012-02-29T20:23:50Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > Cooking _anything_ somehow involves the use of every single pot, pan, dish, utensil, and kitchen appliance we own. And then she’ll just pile them in the sink, where they’ll remain unless/until I wash them. > > When I cook OTOH, the kitchen actually ends up _cleaner_ than it was before I started, and the cooking dishes are all washed and put away even before we eat. Ooooooooh yeah. Last night, I get home to find that the kitchen has apparently exploded. There are dishes _everywhere_. Pots and pans on the stove, on the counters, cutting boards all over the place, food piled on plates all over the island. She had made a stir fry. A STIR FRY! And every dish in the kitchen was dirty. _sigh_ Me: “Thanks for dinner, sweetie. I’ll clean up.” It took me two hours to do the dishes. I kid you not. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/69 "2012-02-29T20:24:07Z")
I’ll be driving, and say the speed limit is 65. I’ll be going about 72. He’ll say “You know, you can go 73 through here.” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Accident](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Mr.Accident](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Accident)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2012, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/70 "2012-02-29T20:28:30Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > OK, this makes sense. I guess I was envisioning an office worker with OCD or something. Oh god no. If I’m not getting down and dirty with work or hobbies, I shower when I get up in the morning and that’s it. If I know I’m going swimming later in the day, I won’t even shower then. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2012, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/71 "2012-02-29T20:45:33Z")
He only kind of half-listens at times. The conversation will go something like this: Me: We haven’t seen [Friends] in a while. We should see if they’re coming our way or if they have time for us to visit them. Him: Uh huh… (A week later) Him: You know, we haven’t seen [Friends] in a while. We should see if they’re coming our way or if they have time for us to visit them. Me: … ---
**Author:** ![Kyrie\_Eleison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kyrie_eleison/32/7682_2.png) [@Kyrie\_Eleison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyrie_Eleison)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/72 "2012-03-01T00:10:36Z")
> [@Cosmic Relief](#): > > The temperature is not to her liking. Does she turn the thermostat up to 68 because 68 is comfortable for her? Nooooo… she turns it up to 77 to show the thermostat she means business and she wants comfort RIGHT GODDAMN NOW. 20 minutes later, of course, “it’s too hot”, and down it goes to 60. Drives me buckin’ fonkers. This I can identify with. Mine set a new record last week: 98 degrees Fahrenheit in a room at B&B in Vermont in February. I’m just glad we didn’t get a natural-gas surcharge in our bill. Thermostat controls, to my wife, are not temperature setting devices, but binary switches to be shoved completely in one direction or the other. ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/73 "2012-03-01T01:17:03Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > Wait, what? I was with you until this part. You won’t let your wife board a plane with you? That seems a little… extreme. My apologies to you and to **sandra\_nz**. I’m guilty of posting-before-coffee and failed to include the necessary context. Here’s a pic of my [nest](http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a162/rbp2/DSCI0077.jpg). Hopefully the reason for uninterrupted preparation is a little more clear. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![\_Olive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/4af34b/32.png) [@\_Olive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Olive)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/74 "2012-03-01T01:28:05Z")
i could name a bunch of things about my husband that drove me up the wall …but the thing that bugs me the most … he died … ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/75 "2012-03-01T01:39:02Z")
> [@pullin](#): > > My apologies to you and to **sandra\_nz**. I’m guilty of posting-before-coffee and failed to include the necessary context. Here’s a pic of my [nest](http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a162/rbp2/DSCI0077.jpg). Hopefully the reason for uninterrupted preparation is a little more clear. 😉 I can’t speak for anyone else, but after the clarification, that seems much more reasonable to me. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/76 "2012-03-01T06:26:44Z")
> [@EmAnJ](#): > > \ > > I know I have some pretty bad habits too. I tend to zone out when he’s talking to me, which is rude, and I repeat myself a lot.\ I tend to do that, too, and my hearing is getting worse as I’m getting older, too. In our mid-forties, way too many of our conversations consist of, “What?” “Pardon?” “What was that last word?” We do balance each other out too, though - I tend to be more impulsive and think that I can do anything, and he tends to go slower and think things through before doing things. I encourage him to try new things, and he prevents me from getting trapped in a basement by a futon frame that I’m pretty sure I can carry down there myself. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/77 "2012-03-01T06:40:26Z")
> [@pullin](#): > > My apologies to you and to **sandra\_nz**. I’m guilty of posting-before-coffee and failed to include the necessary context. Here’s a pic of my [nest](http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a162/rbp2/DSCI0077.jpg). Hopefully the reason for uninterrupted preparation is a little more clear. 😉 :smack:😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/78 "2012-03-01T11:55:11Z")
> [@pullin](#): > > My apologies to you and to **sandra\_nz**. I’m guilty of posting-before-coffee and failed to include the necessary context. Here’s a pic of my [nest](http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a162/rbp2/DSCI0077.jpg). Hopefully the reason for uninterrupted preparation is a little more clear. 😉 I might have to flag you for intentional omission of a relevant detail, but you are hereby redeemed. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/79 "2012-03-01T13:19:31Z")
1.) She’ll pick up, without recap or preamble, a conversation we started a long time ago (an hour before, or several hours, or even on a previous day), and I have to try and figure out what she’s talking about. Always good for several minute’s confusion. 2.) Sometimes she’ll apparently ask me a question based upon a line of thought that’s been going on in her head. Again, it feels like coming in at the middle of a movie. I’ve clearly missed something, but it’s not clear what. In fact, it’s hard to tell if this is the case of an unverbalized self-conversation preceding her statement, or if I simply can’t remember that it’s part of an unterminated conversation we had in the past. I usually just ask her what she’s talking about, to save time. 3.) She tells me that sometimes I do both of the above, as well. 4.) Even after all these years (and even though I’m familiar with the similar topological demonstration), I’m always amazed when she performs the incredible Removing the Bra Without Taking Off Her Shirt trick. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135/80 "2012-03-01T13:45:29Z")
> [@\_Olive](#): > > i could name a bunch of things about my husband that drove me up the wall …but the thing that bugs me the most … he died … Hmm, that was the thing my ex did that annoyed me the _least_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stuff-your-better-half-does-that-drives-you-crazy/614135.md?page=5)