# Stumped by a 5 year old **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 23, 2000, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387 "2000-08-23T02:01:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![robinh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@robinh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robinh)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/21 "2000-08-23T18:09:35Z")
My 5 year old had one of those moments last weekend. We were in the car when she piped up with, “If people are born from other people, where did the first person come from?” I tried the “well, no one really knows, but some people think _x_ and some people think _y_” response, but she was unsatisfied. I looked back at one point to see her actually pulling at her hair in frustration, insisting, “but I want to _know_!” Poor thing. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/22 "2000-08-23T18:25:10Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by fierra \* > try explaining to your MOTHER what a blow job is…mercifully, she has obliterated the memory from her mind. I will be, however, forever scared…_\* Or the time I was in the car with my mom and my sisters and someone made a comment about oral sex. My mother says, (in typical ‘mother’ fashion) “Egads! Who would want to do THAT? It’s disgusting.” My sisters all chime-in in agreement. Then they all look at me. “So?” Mother asks accusingly. “Huh?” (sometimes acting dumb works…not this time, though) “YOU don’t do that, do you?” They’re all staring at me now. Now, let me just say that there are some things I DO NOT EVER want to talk to my mother about. Oral sex is one of them. “What does it matter? I don’t really feel comfortable discussing this sort of thing with my mom.” “YOU DO!” “I never said that. I just said I didn’t want to talk about the subject.” “So you do?” “I never said that.” “So you don’t?” “Okay, I don’t. Happy?” This is where my mom looks at my sisters and raises that eyebrow and whispers, “She does. Disgusting.” I can’t win. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/23 "2000-08-23T18:57:09Z")
Heheh, I guess I have it easy. According to my parents, I’m a 21 year old virgin that never drank or smoked (well, at least that last part’s right) and never had an impure thought. Ever. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/24 "2000-08-23T19:08:53Z")
that sounds like my mom struuter! I remember reading Ann Lander’s when I was about 8 years old and the column was talking about masturbation. When I asked my mom what that word meant she asked me where I heard it and I showed her the article. She took the newspaper away from me and said, “You don’t need to know that. That’s dirty.” She didn’t let me read the newspaper after that. When it comes to sex my mom is _very_ naive. When the whole Clinton/Lewinsky thing came out I made a comment about Lewinsky giving him a blow job. My mom asked me what a blow job was so I told her. After I told her she says, “Ew, she was sucking on his penis? That’s disgusting. Don’t you think that’s disgusting?” I just laughed and walked away. I was not about to discuss oral sex with my mother!! ---
**Author:** ![metroshane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@metroshane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/metroshane)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/25 "2000-08-23T19:18:04Z")
Pull a quarter from behind his ear and say “magic”. Then say,“go away kid, you’re bothering me.” ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/26 "2000-08-23T19:20:11Z")
so stuuter, do you? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/27 "2000-08-23T19:23:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by xizor \* > \*\*so stuuter, do you? 😉 \*\* You won’t tell my mom, will you? ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/28 "2000-08-23T19:34:59Z")
Does it strike anyone else as particularly icky that a thread on answering a 5 year old’s questions has turned into a discussion about blow jobs? ---
**Author:** ![SoMoMom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@SoMoMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SoMoMom)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/29 "2000-08-23T19:40:21Z")
Yes. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/30 "2000-08-23T19:55:20Z")
Well. That would be my fault and I apologize. I started it all with my remark about my eleven-year-old asking about mastur…nevermind. I agree that it is icky. I’ll step up to shoulder the blame. Sorry. I’ll try to redeem myself by relating the time my son asked about the logic behind murderers getting the chair. “If it’s wrong…how is that right?” He got to watch him mom stutter for about two minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/31 "2000-08-23T20:00:59Z")
Struuter, don’t take it so hard. I didn’t mean to browbeat. Far be it from me to keep you from talking about blowjobs. I was just making an observation, is all. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/32 "2000-08-23T20:14:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > \*\*Struuter, don’t take it so hard. I didn’t mean to browbeat. Far be it from me to keep you from talking about blowjobs. I was just making an observation, is all. \*\* And an astute one, at that. There is a time and place for everything. I picked the wrong one. I shoulda saved my story for a embarassing blow job stories thread. Thanks though, Jack. ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/33 "2000-08-23T20:14:53Z")
Can anyone name a thread recently that hasnt turned to talk of blow jobs? I mean why fight the tide. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/34 "2000-08-23T20:39:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KKBattousai \* > \*\*Heheh, I guess I have it easy. According to my parents, I’m a 21 year old virgin that never drank or smoked (well, at least that last part’s right) and never had an impure thought. Ever. 😛 \*\* Damn, I know I have your home phone number around here somewhere. I think it’s time I talked to your parents again… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/35 "2000-08-23T22:03:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by xizor \* > Has anybody else ever been stumped by their young offspring? Well, my nephew, who always insists on short haircuts (the horror) once looked at my long hair and asked me “Why do you want to look like a girl?” It took me a few minutes to come up with a good answer. ---
**Author:** ![Cabbage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@Cabbage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabbage)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/36 "2000-08-23T22:23:48Z")
Back to the OP, actually infinity isn’t the largest number. You could tell him that there’s always a larger infinity, and those infinities keep going on forever, too. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/37 "2000-08-23T23:37:28Z")
Xizor, good question. How do you explain to a 5 yr old that infinity is NOT a number. It is a concept. It has no value. Infinity is not the biggest number, it just means forever. Then you have to explain forever. Ugh. I was actually pretty lucky, in that anytime I asked a strange question like why the sky is blue, my dad would actually tell me. “The sky is blue because of scattered light…” That’s what I get for having a physics instructor for a dad. I had a similar feeling when watching one of the Naked Gun movies. Leslie Neilsen goes into a library, and a woman is standing on a ladder. He walks up, looks up pretty much up her skirt, and says “Nice beaver.” Then she pulls down a stuffed beaver from the top shelf. I laughed. Then I saw my mom’s perplexed look. Uh, do I want to answer that? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/38 "2000-08-23T23:50:29Z")
Quoth BratMan007: > [@](#): > > ``` > I continued, "On this farm he had a rabbit, E I E I O, with a -- " > > And I froze. What the hell sound does a rabbit make? And meanwhile Ryan is staring at me like, > "Well, you gonna finish the song or what?" > > ``` Easy, you just wiggle your nose. of course, this only works if the kids are looking at you, and you really exaggerate it. Just be glad that nobody said “Giraffe”. Cabbage, I pity your children. Well, that or envy them… I’m not sure… ---
**Author:** ![Cabbage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@Cabbage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabbage)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2000, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/39 "2000-08-24T00:13:07Z")
Heh, telling children about infinity and such things would probably qualify as child abuse these days. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2000, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387/40 "2000-08-24T14:43:48Z")
During the Gulf War my son, 5 or 6 at the time, and I were in my car when a news report came in the radio giving the latest war update. My son asked “What is a war, anyway, Dad”? I explained to him as best I could about governments settling disagreements by sending in troops. He listened intently and when I was finished he said “Why don’t they just shoot the government leaders instead”? I _still_ can’t answer that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stumped-by-a-5-year-old/30387.md?page=3)