# Stunningly pathetic reasons to use a product proferred by ads. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 7, 2008, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475 "2008-09-07T11:44:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/1 "2008-09-07T11:44:17Z")
I just saw an ad for someone’s “long” toilet roll with a blurb about, “…have to change the roll less often, saving you time in your busy day.” How many rolls a day does the average person change? Thanks for those 3 minutes a year. The other useless product quality for mine (I am male) is snazzy tampons in cute boxes. Others? ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/2 "2008-09-07T12:55:32Z")
There’s plenty of those on infomercials. “Tired of using your hands to open the door?” “Don’t you just hate it when your rolls of wallpaper go out of alignment?” “Can’t reach your lowest shelf?” Attempts to sell a crappy piece of plastic, that lets you do all those things that nobody does anyway, are a dime a dozen. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/3 "2008-09-07T13:22:36Z")
Wasn’t in an ad, but in the grocery the other day I saw a banana slicer. It was an oblong piece of plastic with evenly spaced slicing bits. Real time and effort saver there… :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/4 "2008-09-07T13:24:46Z")
My favorite lately is the one for the wall switch you can put anywhere, because it’s a remote control, or something. The shot of the guy coming in the room, switching on the switch, and merrily going on his way is hee-sterical. Like we needed _turning on a light switch_ demonstrated. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/5 "2008-09-07T13:36:07Z")
I love chocolate. 😃 There are many near-identical products, but I chosse C_db_ry because of these entertaining adverts: [gorgeous girl nibbling](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFGCZZV4dxs) [gorilla drumming](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnzFRV1LwIo) ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/6 "2008-09-07T14:26:25Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > Like we needed _turning on a light switch_ demonstrated. :rolleyes: Not to mount too sturdy a defense for these folks, but they do need to put _something_ in the commercial to fill out the time. It’s like commercials for HDTVs. They don’t put pictures up on the screen to show you what an HDTV signal looks like (since you can’t see HD quality on a non-HD set) they put the picture up because it makes more sense than having the screen blank. My favorite pathetic product is the Pasta Express. You boil water, then pour into the convenient plastic tube with your pasta, wait XX minutes and strain. Clearly it’s much easier to pour boiling water into a tall plastic tube and leave it sitting on your counter for XX minutes, than it is to pour the pasta into the pot and cook for something less than XX minutes. C’mon, boiling pasta is one of the easiest cooking chores going. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/7 "2008-09-07T14:35:37Z")
All those beer ads that imply that if I just drink that _particular_beer, women will find me irresistible. Lies, all lies! ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/8 "2008-09-07T14:44:24Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > All those beer ads that imply that if I just drink that _particular_beer, women will find me irresistible. Lies, all lies! Sadly you are completely wrong. The brand that will have women slavering at your groin is ---
**Author:** ![Student\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@Student\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Student_Driver)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/9 "2008-09-07T15:11:15Z")
In the 1970s, home computer and video game manufacturers were still trying to figure out how to sell systems to people who weren’t interested in computing for computing’s sake, or people who weren’t interested in games. For whatever reason, a lot of companies hit on advertising their biorhythm-computing abilities. Biorhythms are interesting as a simple programming exercise (mathematically simple, fits into little memory), but as killer apps? The TV series Mr. Show had a great series of fake ads in one episode featuring competing brands of mustard-mayonnaise blends, Stenson’s Mayostard and Vaunnie’s Mustardayonnaise, and Mundee’s Mustmayostardayonnaise, wonderfully mocking products that sell themselves on absurd claims of being time-saving conveniences. (“Saves five minutes of time over thirty years!”)[YouTube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OuPEubf-UY) has the commercials, of course… ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/10 "2008-09-07T16:41:15Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > My favorite lately is the one for the wall switch you can put anywhere, because it’s a remote control, or something. > > The shot of the guy coming in the room, switching on the switch, and merrily going on his way is hee-sterical. Like we needed _turning on a light switch_ demonstrated. :rolleyes: So what do you do if you want to put a bookcase where the wall switch currently lives? How do you turn it on? I can see this as a valid product, as opposed to say the Pasta Express with is just a waste of kitchen space. ---
**Author:** ![WF\_Tomba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d9b06d/32.png) [@WF\_Tomba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WF_Tomba)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/11 "2008-09-07T18:09:05Z")
There was that ad for fiber supplements that said something like “You just don’t have time to eat enough fiber every day!” and showed people waking up at two in the morning to eat bran and munching broccoli on the way to work. And there’s an ad for a business credit card that has a guy at a business lunch getting mocked because his credit card has a picture of a superhero on it. What exactly are they saying here – “use our credit card because it doesn’t look stupid”? These days you can get practically any design you want on a credit card, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/12 "2008-09-07T18:28:38Z")
> [@glee](#): > > I love chocolate. 😃 > > There are many near-identical products, but I chosse C_db_ry because of these entertaining adverts: > > [gorgeous girl nibbling](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFGCZZV4dxs) > > [gorilla drumming](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnzFRV1LwIo) I like this parody of the drumming gorilla ad. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCEe0D146zM&feature=related](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCEe0D146zM&feature=related) ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/13 "2008-09-07T19:00:44Z")
_**HEAD-ON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD! HEAD-ON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD! HEAD-ON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!**_ So let’s see if I understand this. It’s better to apply something that doesn’t work, directly to my forehead, than to swallow a pill that actually gets rid of my headache? ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/14 "2008-09-07T19:17:22Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > I just saw an ad for someone’s “long” toilet roll with a blurb about, “…have to change the roll less often, saving you time in your busy day.” > > How many rolls a day does the average person change? Thanks for those 3 minutes a year. > > The other useless product quality for mine (I am male) is snazzy tampons in cute boxes. > > Others? Are you a single man living alone? Who probably wipes about once a day or every other day? [don’t answer that, TMI] Or a man living with a woman who changes the toilet paper rolls for him? Because if you are the toilet-roll-changer for a multi-person household, especially one including some women, you’ll realize that it makes more of a difference than you think whether you buy long or short rolls. ---
**Author:** ![WF\_Tomba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d9b06d/32.png) [@WF\_Tomba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WF_Tomba)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/15 "2008-09-07T19:43:04Z")
> [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](#): > > Are you a single man living alone? Who probably wipes about once a day or every other day? [don’t answer that, TMI] Or a man living with a woman who changes the toilet paper rolls for him? Because if you are the toilet-roll-changer for a multi-person household, especially one including some women, you’ll realize that it makes more of a difference than you think whether you buy long or short rolls. True; on the other hand I saw a commercial that said “Are you the only one in your house who knows how to change the toilet paper roll?” _Lady, if your kids and husband don’t change the roll, it’s not because they don’t know how. It’s because they’re &!%!!in’ lazy._ ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/16 "2008-09-07T19:55:14Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > _**HEAD-ON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD! > HEAD-ON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD! > HEAD-ON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!**_ > > So let’s see if I understand this. It’s better to apply something that doesn’t work, directly to my forehead, than to swallow a pill that actually gets rid of my headache? The thing about that commercial is that it doesn’t tell you what the product is for. > [@](#): > > HEAD-ON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD! _ **WHY?!?!? WHY SHOULD I DO THIS?!?!?!?** _ ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/17 "2008-09-07T20:04:13Z")
> [@Dijon\_Warlock](#): > > The thing about that commercial is that it doesn’t tell you what the product is for. > > _ **WHY?!?!? WHY SHOULD I DO THIS?!?!?!?** _ Because if they don’t then they _technically_ can’t be sued for false advertising. 😛 I saw someone using it once and I told them “you do know you just wasted money on lip balm for your forehead, right?” And she said “Shh! I know that, but if I pretend it actually does something maybe I’ll forget about the headache.” This article (which is hilarious) has a good list: [http://www.cracked.com/article\_15768\_as-seen-on-tv-10-most-laughably-misleading-ads.html](http://www.cracked.com/article_15768_as-seen-on-tv-10-most-laughably-misleading-ads.html) OH MY GOD! NO PEN CAPS!? ALLELUIA! ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/18 "2008-09-07T20:08:57Z")
> [@WF\_Tomba](#): > > True; on the other hand I saw a commercial that said “Are you the only one in your house who knows how to change the toilet paper roll?” > > _Lady, if your kids and husband don’t change the roll, it’s not because they don’t know how. It’s because they’re &!%!!in’ lazy._ Thou haseth been whooshethed ---
**Author:** ![1010011010](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/ea666f/32.png) [@1010011010](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/1010011010)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/19 "2008-09-07T20:28:01Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > I just saw an ad for someone’s “long” toilet roll with a blurb about, “…have to change the roll less often, saving you time in your busy day.” There are a lot of “How could anyone be that lazy?” or “Why would anyone need that?” products aimed at folks with limitations due to age or injury. You ever try managing that little spring cylinder into a toilet paper holder with minimal clearance with arthritis that limits your dexterity and causes crippling pain? Might ruin your whole day to be confronted with the fact that something as simple as changing the toilet paper has become a struggle. Being reminded of that a little less often might be worth it. [Obligatory.](http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/you_know_whats_stupid) ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/20 "2008-09-07T20:30:18Z")
> [@1010011010](#): > > There are a lot of “How could anyone be that lazy?” or “Why would anyone need that?” products aimed at folks with limitations due to age or injury. > > You ever try managing that little spring cylinder into a toilet paper holder with minimal clearance with arthritis that limits your dexterity and causes crippling pain? Might ruin your whole day to be confronted with the fact that something as simple as changing the toilet paper has become a struggle. Being reminded of that a little less often might be worth it. > > [Obligatory.](http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/you_know_whats_stupid) Yeah but they always have young, healthy, dexterous people in the ads, which makes it funny regardless of the target demographic. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475.md?page=2)