# Stunningly pathetic reasons to use a product proferred by ads. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 7, 2008, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475 "2008-09-07T11:44:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/21 "2008-09-07T21:07:14Z")
We have ads for a McCertain Fast Food chain that tries to be clever :- (paraphrasing) “If we say our food is healthy on TV, then it has to be true, otherwise we couldn’t say it - and we just did.” No you didn’t, you just said it would have to be true _if_ you said it and you _avoided_ saying it, which now convinces me that you know full well how disgusting your product is in both taste and quality. They can’t give a straight answer to the question “Is our food good?” and they boast about it - great selling point, guys. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2008, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/22 "2008-09-07T21:12:43Z")
> [@maggenpye](#): > > They can’t give a straight answer to the question “Is our food good?” and they boast about it - great selling point, guys. They should try the same advertising formula as Bebe’s kids: “Bebe’s Kids - it’s animation!” “\ - it’s food!” Wow, that’s… something. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/23 "2008-09-08T00:04:25Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Because if they don’t then they _technically_ can’t be sued for false advertising. 😛 > > I saw someone using it once and I told them “you do know you just wasted money on lip balm for your forehead, right?” Thanks for spreading ignorance! You obviously have never used the product if you think it’s “lip balm”. Homeopathic hokum aside, it numbs up the head in much the same way BenGay or IcyHot will for sore muscles. If you have lip balm that causes that effect, you have some really bizarre lip balm. Is it a sure fire cure for everyone every time? No, but neither is anything else. But can it help? Absolutely, and not just as a placebo. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/24 "2008-09-08T01:00:27Z")
I’ve always been irritated by those ads for the pots with the holes in the lids, so you can just tip them over and drain the water off your pasta, potatoes, whatever. The poor schmucks attempting to do this without the wonderful perforated pot lid end up dumping boiling water all over the counter or spilling their pasta down the garbage disposal, demonstrating a lack of motor skills which leads me to believe they shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a hot stove in the first place. Same goes for those pancake flipping pans. I’ve been making pancakes from scratch since I was 10 years old, they’re not that freaking complicated. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/25 "2008-09-08T01:17:03Z")
I like the ones for some kind of osteoporosis treatment with Sally Fields as a spokesperson. The selling point is that you can take one a month instead of one a week like the other ones. You know, the one for women who don’t have time in their busy schedule to take a pill every week? “Oh, I’d like to treat my bone loss, but who has the time?” ---
**Author:** ![Tamex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Tamex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamex)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/26 "2008-09-08T01:31:27Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > Thanks for spreading ignorance! You obviously have never used the product if you think it’s “lip balm”. Homeopathic hokum aside, it numbs up the head in much the same way BenGay or IcyHot will for sore muscles. If you have lip balm that causes that effect, you have some really bizarre lip balm. Not saying you’re wrong about the HeadOn, but Carmex lip balm does numb the lips/tingle a bit. No idea if it’s the same stuff or not. I do use the bigger rolls of TP, because not only do you have to change the roll less often, you also waste fewer trees on the cardboard cores inside. I also would buy the banana slicer. I have a food dehydrator, and I once used it to make banana chips. It is a pain to slice that many bananas evenly, and if you don’t slice them evenly, they don’t dry evenly. I have a hard-boiled egg slicer (I bought that from some kid’s school fundraiser), so I chopped the bananas into egg-sized pieces and used the egg slicer. It worked, but was still not perfect. Since the banana slicer slices the entire banana at once, it could make that chore a lot easier! I’m also curious about the “snazzy tampons”. I haven’t seen any particularly snazzy tampon boxes lately . Of course, maybe the OP thinks tampons, being a strictly utilitarian item, should be packaged like those generic foods of yore–a plain white box with large black letters stenciled on it: “TAMPONS”. Yeah, that’ll sell well. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/27 "2008-09-08T01:47:39Z")
> [@Marlitharn](#): > > I’ve always been irritated by those ads for the pots with the holes in the lids, so you can just tip them over and drain the water off your pasta, potatoes, whatever. The poor schmucks attempting to do this without the wonderful perforated pot lid end up dumping boiling water all over the counter or spilling their pasta down the garbage disposal, demonstrating a lack of motor skills which leads me to believe they shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a hot stove in the first place. See now, this is a perfect example. Ridiculous ad. Good product. I use it at home because then there’s one less dish (a colander) to wash, and I use it when camping because setting your colander on uneven ground and dumping boiling water into it IS a recipe for disaster! But yeah, I’m perfectly capable of dumping a pot of pasta into a colander, I just like that I don’t have to. (And it’s also great for draining the fat off of browned ground meat!) ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Armageddon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/858c86/32.png) [@Mister\_Armageddon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Armageddon)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/28 "2008-09-08T06:32:56Z")
> [@Bill\_Door](#): > > I like the ones for some kind of osteoporosis treatment with Sally Fields as a spokesperson. The selling point is that you can take one a month instead of one a week like the other ones. You know, the one for women who don’t have time in their busy schedule to take a pill every week? “Oh, I’d like to treat my bone loss, but who has the time?” I’ve heard the real reason for this is because the potential side effects are so painful, you wouldn’t want to take this stuff any more than you had to. This site seems to bear that out: > **[403 Forbidden](http://drugs.healthdiaries.com/boniva-side-effects.html)** ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/29 "2008-09-08T10:07:30Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > Thanks for spreading ignorance! You obviously have never used the product if you think it’s “lip balm”. Homeopathic hokum aside, it numbs up the head in much the same way BenGay or IcyHot will for sore muscles. If you have lip balm that causes that effect, you have some really bizarre lip balm. > > Is it a sure fire cure for everyone every time? No, but neither is anything else. But can it help? Absolutely, and not just as a placebo. :dubious: The stuff is almost entirely wax, there’s a an incredibly, incredibly dilute amount of “active ingredients” (like most homeopathic remedies). In fact there is no clinical data showing the stuff works beyond a placebo. [http://www.consumerreports.org/health/prescription-drugs/headon-9-07/overview/0709\_headache\_ov\_1.htm](http://www.consumerreports.org/health/prescription-drugs/headon-9-07/overview/0709_headache_ov_1.htm) > **[James Randi's Swift - July 28, 2006](http://archive.randi.org/site/jr/2006-07/072806academic.html)** [http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/09/25/AR2006092500934.html?nav=hcmodule](http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/09/25/AR2006092500934.html?nav=hcmodule) And FTR, I HAVE had that stuff on me, it just feels weird and like it’s coating me, I’ve never felt any tingling. IcyHot, on the other hand has a bunch of active ingredients, in noticeable amounts \* The patches contain 5% menthol \* The balm contains 7.6% menthol and 29% methyl salicylate. \* The sleeves contain 16% menthol. \* The Chill Stick contains 10% menthol and 30% methyl salicylate \* The foam contains 5% menthol. \* The cream contains 10% menthol and 30% methyl salicylate Head On’s are \* Potassium dichromate 8 × 10[sup]−8[/sup]% \* White Bryony 4 × 10[sup]−14[/sup]% (plus wax) ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/30 "2008-09-08T14:20:10Z")
There a commercial out that’s new, but they’re showing it so much, I’ve probably seen it ten times this weekend. It has a giant ball of six month’s worth of laundry rolling after the housewife. Luckily, she has a washing machine that holds six month’s worth of detergent! At the end of the commercial she is standing next to a friggin’ \*wall \*of folded clothes. “Not so scary now, are ya?” Oh yeah, thank Og she didn’t have to put soap in or all that laundry would have been a real bitch. Call me when they invent a dryer that does all the hanging and folding. ---
**Author:** ![shy\_guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@shy\_guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shy_guy)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/31 "2008-09-08T15:02:42Z")
> [@WF\_Tomba](#): > > And there’s an ad for a business credit card that has a guy at a business lunch getting mocked because his credit card has a picture of a superhero on it. What exactly are they saying here – “use our credit card because it doesn’t look stupid”? These days you can get practically any design you want on a credit card, anyway. Mother of god, yes. It’s American Express. There are two commercials that I’ve seen - the first is the one you mention, with the guy paying for a business lunch or something with his superhero-emblazened credit card and getting laughed at by some Germans. The second is even worse - a guy tries to buy a business-class plane ticket with a credit card that has a picture of kittens on it and the person at the counter _calls security on him_. So I guess I’m supposed to get an American Express card just in case I care what a bunch of German douchebags think of me or because kittens = terrorist. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/32 "2008-09-08T15:14:26Z")
> [@maggenpye](#): > > We have ads for a McCertain Fast Food chain that tries to be clever :- (paraphrasing) > “If we say our food is healthy on TV, then it has to be true, otherwise we couldn’t say it - and we just did.” > No you didn’t, you just said it would have to be true _if_ you said it and you _avoided_ saying it, which now convinces me that you know full well how disgusting your product is in both taste and quality. > > They can’t give a straight answer to the question “Is our food good?” and they boast about it - great selling point, guys. The worst example of this was a car dealership a decade or so ago in Florida. The fake conversation went: “Is it really true that [forgettable dealership] is wholesaling cars this weekend?” “Better than that, we’re HO-SALING at up to below invoice the whole weekend!” Since they technically can’t say they’re wholesaling to the public, they try to make you think they are by mispronouncing the word :rolleyes:. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/33 "2008-09-08T17:08:29Z")
> [@shy\_guy](#): > > The second is even worse - a guy tries to buy a business-class plane ticket with a credit card that has a picture of kittens on it and the person at the counter _calls security on him_. I’m picturing the guy from the Crapital One Star Wars parody ad (“I want a picture of _kittens_”) going Darth Vader on the counter person’s ass. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/34 "2008-09-08T17:40:23Z")
Another one in keeping with the thread title: The RONCO Showtime Rotisserie. “Set it and FORGET it!” they say repeatedly. If you see the thing for sale (as I have), the box notifies you that this is not to be taken literally, and that you should never leave the unit unattended. I’ve always found it humorous that the main selling point isn’t true. ---
**Author:** ![Labelless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f19dbf/32.png) [@Labelless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labelless)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/35 "2008-09-08T20:06:04Z")
> [@Dijon\_Warlock](#): > > Another one in keeping with the thread title: > > The RONCO Showtime Rotisserie. > > “Set it and FORGET it!” they say repeatedly. > > If you see the thing for sale (as I have), the box notifies you that this is not to be taken literally, and that you should never leave the unit unattended. > > I’ve always found it humorous that the main selling point isn’t true. We didn’t get one to ‘set it and forget it’, but because I wanted a rotisserie. Turkey, chicken, and fish. YUM. I have left it a few times though. Much like the dryer to me. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/36 "2008-09-08T20:15:52Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > My favorite lately is the one for the wall switch you can put anywhere, because it’s a remote control, or something. > > The shot of the guy coming in the room, switching on the switch, and merrily going on his way is hee-sterical. Like we needed _turning on a light switch_ demonstrated. :rolleyes: I haven’t seen this commercial, but I’m interested. (My SO prefers lamps over room fixtures for lighting, and she never turns them off. Lamps that are consistently placed as far away from the door as is actually possible. This means that every time I walk past a room she’s been in, I have to walk all the way in, turn off the lamp, and then walk out.) ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/37 "2008-09-08T21:01:40Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > The worst example of this was a car dealership a decade or so ago in Florida. The fake conversation went: > > “Is it really true that [forgettable dealership] is wholesaling cars this weekend?” > “Better than that, we’re HO-SALING at up to below invoice the whole weekend!” > > Since they technically can’t say they’re wholesaling to the public, they try to make you think they are by mispronouncing the word :rolleyes:. Good example, what’s the mentality of these ads? We’re supposed to buy _because they lied clumsily?_ They can’t find one true, positive thing about their product - and that’s what they’re advertising? That is (as per the OP) stunningly pathetic. ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/38 "2008-09-08T21:34:38Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > My favorite pathetic product is the Pasta Express. You boil water, then pour into the convenient plastic tube with your pasta, wait XX minutes and strain. Clearly it’s much easier to pour boiling water into a tall plastic tube and leave it sitting on your counter for XX minutes, than it is to pour the pasta into the pot and cook for something less than XX minutes. C’mon, boiling pasta is one of the easiest cooking chores going. So, you’re a student living in a dormitory with no access to a stove. You do, however, have an electric kettle. Suddenly that pathetic product has a use - though I expect there’s probably microwavable pasta these days that more or less renders the niche usefulness obsolete. ---
**Author:** ![Bootis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e8c25b/32.png) [@Bootis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bootis)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/39 "2008-09-08T21:36:53Z")
The perfect example is Mayostard and Mustardayonaise… check out their [commercials](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OuPEubf-UY&feature=related)! ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475/40 "2008-09-08T21:55:37Z")
> [@Gorsnak](#): > > So, you’re a student living in a dormitory with no access to a stove. You do, however, have an electric kettle. Suddenly that pathetic product has a use - though I expect there’s probably microwavable pasta these days that more or less renders the niche usefulness obsolete. Another problem with the pasta express is that it doesn’t work. You end up with a mass of half-cooked spaghetti stuck together in a clump. At least that was my experience. I tried it on spaghetti twice, using less the second time, just in case, and on broccoli once. Even wrapping a towel around it to insulate it against heat loss couldn’t get it to cook. And once it’s half cooked, the thing is too tall to stick in the microwave for a re-warming. Has anyone else had better luck with it? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stunningly-pathetic-reasons-to-use-a-product-proferred-by-ads/462475.md?page=3)