# Stupid criminals **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 15, 2018, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585 "2018-03-15T03:37:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Flyer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/flyer/32/7298_2.png) [@Flyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flyer)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/1 "2018-03-15T03:37:56Z")
From the “There’s a fine line between persistence and stubbornness” and “How stupid do you have to be?” departments– > [@](#): > > A Utah woman on trial for trying to hire a hit man to kill her ex-husband was charged for the third time with attempting to get someone to kill more of her enemies, reports said. [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/utah-woman-found-guilty-of-trying-to-hire-hit-man-charged-with-same-crime-for-third-time/ar-BBK6pUt?li](https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/utah-woman-found-guilty-of-trying-to-hire-hit-man-charged-with-same-crime-for-third-time/ar-BBK6pUt?li) ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/2 "2018-03-15T03:47:48Z")
Holy crap, that is one mean woman. Why wasn’t she at least, charged with attempted murder? The legal justice system is so broken in places. She’ll get some time in prison, for sure. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/3 "2018-03-15T04:06:28Z")
Rule No. 1: Never use an accomplice. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/4 "2018-03-15T05:03:30Z")
The first murder she contracted was intended for her ex-husband and his new wife. The guy she hired ended up going to the police. The second murder she contracted was the guy she hired for the first one. She got caught again. The third murder she hired was a witness and a lawyer from her second trial. This woman really needs to put down the shovel. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/5 "2018-03-15T05:23:17Z")
Rule#2: Don’t ask a cell mate to help you kill someone. Never seems to work out. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/6 "2018-03-15T10:59:24Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Rule No. 1: Never use an accomplice. I thought it was never allow an accomplice to survive. At least that’s the rule I’ve followed. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/7 "2018-03-15T11:06:41Z")
So I’m guessing “Don’t kill people you don’t like” _isn’t_ Rule #1? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/8 "2018-03-15T16:47:07Z")
The first rule of any criminal endeavor is don’t get caught. Everyone incarcerated it this time failed that basic step. Granted, there is a small percentage that are actually innocent, but that’s another discussion. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/9 "2018-03-15T16:54:00Z")
What she needs to do is find a random stranger on a train. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/10 "2018-03-15T17:07:11Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > What she needs to do is find a random stranger on a train. Nobody takes the train these days. Trains are now just meeting places for murder pact partners. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/11 "2018-03-15T17:43:41Z")
OK, I’m sensing a business opportunity here, for a brand new piece of smartphone software that will be a real “disruptor” of the whole “murder pact” business. We could pass it off as some kind of “ride share” or “carpool” service, but it would really pair up people with inconvenient friends, relatives, or business partners. I think this could be a real… _KILLER APP!_ ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/12 "2018-03-15T18:07:10Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > The second murder she contracted was the guy she hired for the first one. She got caught again. The third murder she hired was a witness and a lawyer from her second trial. I’m sensing a pattern here. Whatever happened to leaving them a really scathing Yelp review? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/13 "2018-03-15T19:01:21Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > The first rule of any criminal endeavor is don’t get caught. Everyone incarcerated it this time failed that basic step. > > Granted, there is a small percentage that are actually innocent, but that’s another discussion. You have to be kind of dumb to commit a crime and get caught and convicted. But you have to be really stupid to get caught and convicted when you didn’t even commit a crime. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/14 "2018-03-15T19:22:03Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > So I’m guessing “Don’t kill people you don’t like” _isn’t_ Rule #1? 😕 No. As seen in countless movies, the first rule is “Don’t like people you are going to kill”. It just muddies the waters. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/15 "2018-03-15T19:29:32Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > This woman really needs to put down the shovel. I misread that as “This woman really needs to put down **with a** shovel.” A sentiment I believe I agree with. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/16 "2018-03-15T19:33:31Z")
> [@MEBuckner](#): > > OK, I’m sensing a business opportunity here, for a brand new piece of smartphone software that will be a real “disruptor” of the whole “murder pact” business. We could pass it off as some kind of “ride share” or “carpool” service, but it would really pair up people with inconvenient friends, relatives, or business partners. > > I think this could be a real… > > _KILLER APP!_ Sorry there’s no money it, because Crime doesn’t pay:) ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2018, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/17 "2018-03-15T20:37:53Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I thought it was never allow an accomplice to survive. At least that’s the rule I’ve followed. Well, yeah. The problem is that _you_ are _his_ accomplice. 😉 Could lead to some problems… ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2018, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-criminals/810585/18 "2018-08-10T22:58:03Z")
Listening to the internet feed of [6iX](http://www.6ix.com.au); they just had a story of a maid who stole a candle from her employer and lit said candle in her home. Candle turned out to be a firecracker and the maid is suing her employer for not marking it as such.