# Stupid Customer Stories..... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 23, 2006, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326 "2006-01-23T23:27:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/61 "2006-01-28T04:35:44Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > We had natural gas for the stove (again, Florida girl, never had natural gas appliances before) and I had to call to get it hooked up. Thinking natural gas is similar to oil and that it was delivered the same, I asked the technician, “So, how does this work? Do you come by every month and give me gas?” That’s not that stupid a question. I’ve lived in places where there was no piped gas supply, and yes, the gas company _would_ call out every month in a big truck with a stack of honkin’ big fresh tanks of gas to replace the old, empty ones. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/62 "2006-01-28T04:50:04Z")
Once a customer wanted to buy a rather large piece of excercise equipment that was a floor display model. OKay NP. Box it up for me. I’m sorry sir we don’t store the boxes we can’t. We have no box for it. Well put it in a different box. We look around in back and discover there is no box big enough which we suspected all along. Sorry sir no box. Well, I absolutely insist you box that for me. Sir we have no box for it. You don’t have to buy it if that’s a problem Well I **do** want to buy it and I insist you box it up for me. Sir we have no box for that item. You have to take it as it is or not take it. That’s unacceptable. On and on and on Now this is an adult with a young boy in tow who is nodding off he is so tired and this has dragged on for 40 minutes or so. Finally I look the guy right in the eye and say in a firm voice. " Sir I think we’re done here. I’m afraid I can’t help you" He starts to say something again and I step up to him so we’re eyeball to eyeball and my nose is about 1/8 of an inch from his. I \*\*said \*\*… I **can’t** help you. He looked so surprised and flustered. He grabbed his kid and stomped off, the jackass. ---
**Author:** ![straykat23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@straykat23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/straykat23)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/63 "2006-01-28T04:54:53Z")
Dolt: I can’t find Bob Brinker’s newsletter on the internet. Me: How are you looking for it? What search engine do you use? Dolt: I use eBay. Me: Why do you use eBay? Dolt: Because Jason said you can find anything on eBay. ---
**Author:** ![A.R.Cane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@A.R.Cane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.R.Cane)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/64 "2006-01-28T05:02:54Z")
I’m reminded of the story about the guy who dropped his wife in front of the lumber yard office. She was to pay for 3 dozen 2x4 studs while he pulled around back to load them. She tells the clerk that her husband is loading 3 dozen 2x4’s and she’s to pay for them. The clerk asks, “How long?”, and w/ a puzzled look on her face she replies, “A long time, we’re building a new garage.” ---
**Author:** ![mrald](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3da27b/32.png) [@mrald](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrald)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/65 "2006-01-28T05:23:46Z")
I used to work at a ice cream stand in the middle of toutrist hub of my town. Which survies from those tourists and I think they should _drum roll_ opean season on tourists… ba dah dum… Anyway I had a sign out front (I feel that part of the stipulation for being a tourist is that you leave your ability to read at home) that said we were out of butter pecan. A tourist read the sign, pointed at it and said “I’ll have some of that.” :smack: Another: I asked her if she wanted a cup or cone, she said cup, then brought it back because it tasted funny. I swear, there was a bite out of it. I want to know where the hell she was from. One mean old lady told me I was stupid becasue I didn’t carry cotton candy, I asked her why, she said it was more filling than ice cream. I went home early form work that day. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/66 "2006-01-28T05:56:27Z")
> [@Spongemom](#): > > “My dog is scooting her butt across the carpet, she needs to be wormed.” No, she needs her butt scratched. When you scratch your own butt in the waiting room, would you like me to offer you a worm pill? Sorry, gotta nitpick. I’ve always heard that butt-scooting was a classic sign of worms. Apparently the little buggers are quite annoying when they stick their heads out for a look around! 😛 I used to do calls for a carpet cleaning company. It was all “warm” calling - previous customers getting a yearly reminder etc. I got a wrong number one day and I got it in stereo; Mrs on the main line and Mr on the extension. I had asked specifically for the customer by name. Most people would simply say “wrong number” and hang up, right? Oh no! I always identified myself and my company immediately, before I asked for the customer. They spent a good five minutes insisting that they didn’t want their carpet cleaned, didn’t know how I’d got their number etc. I spent the five minutes saying that it was fine if they didn’t want anything done, I wasn’t really calling them, I was calling the people who used to have their number, which, by the way, was how I had it. Could Not Process. :smack: I think I finally just said sorry or something and gently hung up. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Large\_Marge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/67 "2006-01-28T06:51:21Z")
> [@rinni](#): > > I love writing about customers. 🙂 And you’re **awesome** at it. That post was hilarious! ---
**Author:** ![Large\_Marge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/68 "2006-01-28T07:10:01Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > I didn’t know that either. Actually, I kinda botched that sentence and stupidly hit “submit” before I could fix it, so it probably doesn’t make much sense. It should have read, “When I realized he wasn’t, I slowly explained that when the wind blows, it pushes the boats so that they all point in the same direction.” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/69 "2006-01-28T07:46:58Z")
> [@Troy McClure SF](#): > > I’d have people like this… I’d say “this one’s low salt” or “this doesn’t have chocolate” and they’d say “I don’t beleive you” or “no it isn’t.” At that point I’d just say “OK” and walk away. They didn’t actually argue with me, but they had this confused, skeptical look like, “VANILLA beans? Who ever heard of that!” Hello, it’s Breyer’s, they advertise the alll natural stuff. Don’t buy it, then-go back and get Hagens or store brand. Jesus. Then we had the guy who kept buying all natural peanut butter and kept bringing it back because there was oil on the top. Finally, someone explained to him that because it’s all natural, they don’t put the preservatives and chemicals and shit in it, and he had to STIR the oil back in. It separates like salad dressing. This didn’t happen to me, but it was at Customers Suck. I think. Someone sold a bottle of malt vinegar to a teenage boy. A couple of hours later, he comes back with his mother, and she proceeds to bitch out the cashier for selling her son vinegar and NOT warning him that you would get deathly sick from drinking it. Turns out her dumbass crotch apple confused it with malt _liquor_. The manager was a weasel and took her side and fired the guy. Ouch. ---
**Author:** ![Whifton\_Polekitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/97f17d/32.png) [@Whifton\_Polekitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whifton_Polekitty)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/70 "2006-01-28T07:54:43Z")
C’mon, people, I supposed to be looking FOR work, not finding more and more reasons to hide under a rock in the hinterlands! My first real job was selling bicycles. Not too bad considering I like bikes and most of the time people were reasonable, but for a spate of about 3 months a boy, 9 or 10 years old, would call us EVERY DAMN DAY and ask “Do you have GT 3-Piece Cranks?” We had 'em in stock regularly and we’d say we sure did. “How much are they?” These are pro-grade BMX cranks here, so at the time they were $250. Every damn day for three months. FINALLY, after a quarter of the year was burned up with the same question, he finally came in with his mom. Asked to see the “GT 3 piece cranks!” We all recognised the voice and set them on the counter. nice chrome-plated dealies, lightweight, pretty. “These only cost two-fifty?” Mom asks. “Uh huh!” says Boy. “Two dollars and fifty cents for these?” Errrrr… We clarified the price for her. “Junior! You said they were two-fifty! Not two HUNDRED fifty!!!” “But… but… That’s what THEY said!” Boy whines, waggling his finger at me, obviously having gotten his Future Obnoxious Consumers of America card in the mail the day before. Every single one of the sales team said they had clearly said “two hundred fifty dollars” when we’d talked to him on the phone for the last 3 months. “PHONE??? You’re not even supposed to USE the phone!” Mom drags Boy out of the store and thankfully that was the last we saw of either of them. (For Dopers that have lived in Hawai`i, imagine Mom and Boy in thick pidgin for a more accurate representation of the event) ---
**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/71 "2006-01-28T08:15:40Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Then we had the guy who kept buying all natural peanut butter and kept bringing it back because there was oil on the top. Finally, someone explained to him that because it’s all natural, they don’t put the preservatives and chemicals and shit in it, and he had to STIR the oil back in. It separates like salad dressing. EVERY GODDAMNED WEEK I have some idiot or other pulling this shit. Often I get the same guy monthly. Every time, I say “Sir, it’s supposed to separate. It says right here on the label ‘Natural Peanut Butter’ and right here under that it says ‘Separation may occur’. It’s _supposed_ to do that. You pay _ **extra** _ for that.” After 7 years in retail, I have some, but it’s too late to think of them now. The most distressing thing is how many of them are the same story with different people, because most stupid customers are stupid in the same way. Maybe later, I’ll be back. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/72 "2006-01-28T12:27:09Z")
> [@rinni](#): > > Really? Of course! I’d be honoured! 😃 So it is written, so mote it be. Consider thyself honored, **rini**. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/73 "2006-01-28T18:30:27Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Then we had the guy who kept buying all natural peanut butter and kept bringing it back because there was oil on the top. Finally, someone explained to him that because it’s all natural, they don’t put the preservatives and chemicals and shit in it, and he had to STIR the oil back in. It doesn’t have anything to do with preservatives. It’s due to the fact that the oil is polyunsaturated, rather than having been hydrogenated to full saturation. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/74 "2006-01-28T22:04:03Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > …This didn’t happen to me, but it was at Customers Suck. I think. Someone sold a bottle of malt vinegar to a teenage boy. A couple of hours later, he comes back with his mother, and she proceeds to bitch out the cashier for selling her son vinegar and NOT warning him that you would get deathly sick from drinking it. > > Turns out her dumbass crotch apple confused it with malt _liquor_. The manager was a weasel and took her side and fired the guy. Ouch. He did end up getting his job back. Anybody else every have people hand you a piece of paper with their credit/debit/foodstamp card number on it and expect you to put it though? Can we say fraud. ---
**Author:** ![ladybug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/46a35a/32.png) [@ladybug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladybug)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/75 "2006-01-28T22:37:23Z")
> [@cosmosdan](#): > > I assume you mean she didn’t have the web TV interface either but just thought she could get internet on her regular TV. Thats pretty funny. Technology was changing so faat that the average person did get confused about what was actually available. I worked at Circuit City and every couple of months some customer would ask me for a new technology that didn’t actually exist yet. Yep, that was the problem exactly. What baffles me is that she waited several months to complain. Why would she keep paying for service that she knew she wasn’t receiving? I’m curious about the requests you got from customers, **cosmosdan**. Do the products exist now, or were the customers way ahead of their time? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/76 "2006-01-28T23:01:31Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > It doesn’t have anything to do with preservatives. It’s due to the fact that the oil is polyunsaturated, rather than having been hydrogenated to full saturation. Ah, thanks. I couldn’t remember what exactly the reason was. Speaking of discount/foodstamp/etc numbers written down I remember once having a guy come up to me and saying, “Employee discount.” That’s it. I asked for his card, he didn’t have one. I said, “No, sorry, can’t do it, you have to have your card.” He was fine with that, but hell, how stupid are you? If that worked, don’t you think I’d be doing that at every store I enter? Then there was the man who gave me a piece of paper with a series of numbers and said it was the employee discount. I asked for his card, he said it was his father’s. (And this guy was middle-aged, not some teenager). He told me his dad worked night crew at a Kmart in another state and had given him the discount number and didn’t believe me when I told him we couldn’t give it to him. We were only allowed to allow IMMEDIATE family to use it, and we had to be there with them. Or the time a group of people came in to do inventory. One of the employees looked like she was in her late teens, maybe early 20s, and asked me for cigarettes on her break. I asked for her ID, and she got totally snotty, telling me, “I’m here working!” and said she was going to get them somewhere else, ha ha, you lost a sale. Hey moron-better to lose a sale than lose my job. And my manager was standing right there shaking her head. ---
**Author:** ![adhemar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@adhemar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adhemar)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/77 "2006-01-28T23:16:41Z")
> [@bubba jr](#): > > With the same lovely person (who by the way insisted on a dark brown, chocolate syrup brown, Kahlua Sombrero in a 16 ounce glass, no ice, heavy cream, for the standard price of $3.25.) ordered a cheese burger with fries, $4.50, 8oz real burger, not that single ground pre-made crap, seasoned nicely, medium rare, and fries, those nice carnival kind, brown blistered and crispy, moist in the middle, perfect with vinegar, all the normal fixins, garlic dill pickle and pepperoncini garnish. After one bite decided that $4.50 was too expensive, so my old man who is a little more blunt than me, said “fine” picked up the whole plate and threw the whole meal in the trash plate and all before she could say anything. There’s a mastercard commercial in there somewhere. Wow, that makes me hungry! ---
**Author:** ![Spongemom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Spongemom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spongemom)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/78 "2006-01-29T03:03:32Z")
> [@zoogirl](#): > > Sorry, gotta nitpick. I’ve always heard that butt-scooting was a classic sign of worms. Apparently the little buggers are quite annoying when they stick their heads out for a look around! 😛 Popular misconception, but no. Worms poking out _will_ cause an itchy butt, and butt scooting will ensue, but the majority of dogs that scoot don’t have worms. People come in every day saying their dog is scooting, he must have worms, but it’s rarely actually worms causing the itching. Allergies are the number one cause of itchy skin, from what I’ve seen and what Doc has told me, followed by just a plain old itch, then worms. My gramma’s Yorkie scoots across the living room every time she comes in from going potty. She doesn’t have worms, or allergies. She just sees the carpet as her own personal toilet paper, I think. She uses the couch as a napkin after she eats too. Funny little critter. Another stupid customer story - A couple brought their dog in to be spayed yesterday. She hadn’t ate since the night before, and didn’t get to eat until she’d completely woken up from the anesthetic. We gave her canned dog food, and she wouldn’t touch it. We tried different flavors, but she still wouldn’t eat. They came in today to check on her, and we told them she didn’t eat her breakfast, and they said “Oh, she doesn’t eat food.” Um…excuse me? “She’s never eaten food, she gets goat’s milk.” Your dog survives solely on goat’s milk? “Yes.” They brought us a gallon of the stuff, and the dog practically pounced on the bowl that was offered to her. A year-old Terrier mix that never gets actual food, only goat’s milk. There is no medical reason behind it either, that’s just what they choose to give her, and she’s so used to it she won’t eat regular dog food. How healthy. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/79 "2006-01-29T19:18:15Z")
Used to work for a manufacturer who only sold through a system of distributors we had selected - no direct sales whatsoever. I’d get guys who’d argue w/ me after being given the name and phone # of the distributor in their area - “But I’m an OEM! (Original Engine Manufacturer)” Me- “I’m an Aries. We don’t sell direct.” ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326/80 "2006-01-29T22:08:21Z")
> [@prustage](#): > > Hate to tell you this but you **can** drive from England to Ireland (via the Hollyhead Ferry). By that logic, you can “drive” from any part of the earth to another, via a ship. (Coincidentally I just returned from Ireland on the Holyhead Ferry this afternoon.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-customer-stories/341326.md?page=5)